An Ed in the Bush/Script

General

Script

Gallery

[Jonny and Jimmy are at attention in their Urban Ranger uniforms. Rolf looks them over.]
Rolf: "Urban Rangers, before our journey begins, prepare for inspection."
[Rolf marches in front of them, ready to begin. The scene then switches to inside Eddy's house, where Eddy is chasing Ed and destroying the place. Edd times them with a stopwatch.]
Eddy: "No use, Ed."
Edd: "Time marches on, Eddy."
[Outside, Rolf looks Jimmy over carefully. Inside, Eddy leaps at Ed.]
Eddy: "You're toast, Ed!" [Ed sidesteps, and Eddy slams into a picture on the wall. He gets up, and the chase continues.]
[Jimmy is nervous under Rolf's gaze. Inside, Eddy has managed to capture Ed.]
Eddy: "Get down, ya lump! Gotcha!"
[Outside, Rolf moves on to Jonny. He drags a finger across Jonny's bald head. Inside, Ed is spinning Eddy above his head by his hairs. When Rolf brings his finger up to the light, there is dirt smeared across the glove.]
Rolf: "You have besmirched the code of the Urban Ranger! Why, if Rolf had a loaf of bread he'd–"
[Ed crashes through the garage door, Eddy on his back.]
Eddy: "Yee-haw! Go, baby, go! Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Whoa!"
Ed: "I'm a bucking buckaroo! Alley-oop!" [He throws Eddy off, into a door.] "Toot toot! I win!"
[A hose lasso falls over his hands. Eddy drags Ed in and ties him like a calf.]
Eddy: "Sucker. Time!"
Edd: [stopping the clock] "Five minutes and fifty-nine seconds! A new record! And with minimal damage!"
[Rolf claps sarcastically.]
Rolf: "Very impressive, Ed-boy. It is a shame you fail with such disgrace at your pitiful attempt to cloak your sorry and feeble effort at becoming an Urban Ranger."
Jonny: "Loser!"
Rolf: [angry] "Ranger Jonny! Why have you chosen this day to rupture Rolf's pumpernickel!"
Eddy: [as the Rangers leave] "Like I ever wanted to join! What sheep. I hate those Urban Rangers."
Edd: "As I remember it, Eddy, you liked their uniforms and wanted to join."
Eddy: "Yeah right. You remember wrong, Double D." [He pulls Ed up and spins the hose off.]
Ed: [dizzy] "It's a long ball, coach!"
Eddy: "Go back to sleep, Ed." [Eddy rummages in Ed's pocket and pulls out a rotten tomato.]
Rolf: "Rangers! The forest beckons! March!" [Jonny beats out a march, and the Rangers begin to move.]
Edd: "What will throwing an over-ripened tomato prove?!? Eddy?" [Eddy throws it.] "I'm not done reasoning with you!"
[Jonny sees the tomato coming and spins his drum. The drum catches it and sends it flying back towards the Eds.]
Eddy: "Man, if that ain't a fluke, I don't know what is." [The tomato hits Edd.] "Looking for trouble, Urban Nerdos?!?!?"
Rolf: "Do not let the commoner spoil our merrymaking, Urban Rangers."
Jimmy: "I love it when we let loose!"
[The Rangers head into the woods. Eddy watches them go and makes a note of it.]
Eddy: "They're going into the woods! You never know what scary things lurk in the woods. Huh boys?"
Edd: "Oh don't tell me. You have a plan, right?" [Eddy pulls Edd and Ed with him.]
Ed: "End of first sequence and fade to black."

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[Rolf places another brick in a wall. He is high up, building a chimney. On the forest floor, Jonny and Jimmy are moving a recliner.]
Jonny: "This'll look great here!"
Jimmy: "Boring! Let's put it here."
Jonny: "No! I like it here, Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "It's much better here, Jonny."
Jonny: "That's silly! Over here!"
Jimmy: "Excuse me, but I don't see a Rec Room Decor Badge on your vest."
Jonny: "You're just jealous of my natural sense of hanging out!"
Jimmy: "Don't make me laugh." [He leans on the recliner, and the base shoots out, hitting Jonny.]
Rolf: "Urban Rangers!" [He climbs down.] "Why must you behave like hens having difficulty laying an egg? Our merrymaking is a time of celebration! You must try to be more like Ranger Plank, who puts the needs of the troop–" [Plank rides by on a vacuum] "–above stuffed furniture!" [turning away] "Can Rolf trust his rangers to start a campfire?" [when Jimmy and Jonny don't move] "Well?!?"
[They rush to the chimney. Jonny plugs in some logs, while Jimmy pushes a switch on the side. Mechanical flames begin moving up and down.]
Jimmy: "All done, sir." [He and Jonny shake hands nervously.]
Rolf: "Very good, Urban–" [The vacuum cleaner hits him and carries him away.]
Jonny: "That's the spirit, Plank!"
[The camera follows the fire's extension cords back, and back, and back, until we come to Eddy, following them to the Urban Rangers' campsite.]
Eddy: "Quit drying out your pits, Ed, move it. You too, Sockhead!"
Edd: [with an overstuffed backpack] "Coming, Eddy! Just a few provisions for our stay with nature!"
[Edd stops to smile at Eddy, and that's where his back gives out. His pack collapses on top of him.]
Edd: [struggling to get out] "A little help would really be appreciated!"
[Ed grabs the pack and drags it along. Edd, underneath the pack, is crushed from one side and dragged across the ground on the other side. The pack comes to two trees, and the space is too small for it to fit through. Edd is pulled out from underneath and slams into Ed, who in turn hits Eddy. Ed gets up and continues walking, his friends stuck to him.]
Ed: "Home on the range, huh guys?"

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[The moon is high in the sky. The woods are dark, apart from one clearing. In the clearing are Jonny, Plank, Jimmy, and Rolf. Jonny and Plank are roasting marshmallows over the fire.]
Jonny: "There's something magical about flames that just makes you want to stare at em all night, huh, Plank?"
Jimmy: [clipping his toenails] "Oops! I think I let Louie out of jail!" [He and Jonny laugh. Rolf enters.]
Rolf: [carrying water jugs] "Urban Rangers! Rolf has returned victorious! Fresh water for all!" [He heaves the jugs off his back.] "Are we having fun yet? Ranger Jonny, award Rolf the Get Me Water I'm Thirsty badge."
Jonny: "Here you go, Rolf." [He hands it over, and gets a badge in return.]
Rolf: "And here's your Bringing My Badge badge."
[Jimmy, seeing he missed a chance to earn a badge, mopes on the sofa.]
Rolf: [sitting down] "Do not pout, Ranger Jimmy.For tonight, you shall have an opportunity to earn the–" [creepily] "–Ghost Story badge."
Jonny: [excited] "Right on!"
Jimmy: [frightened] "Jeepers Creepers."
[The camera shifts right, and we see the Eds, hiding in a bush by the Rangers' campsite.]
Eddy: "This is too easy." [He giggles.]
Ed: "I think there's a bug in my ear, Double D." [He slaps the side of his head, and a TV falls out of his ear.]
Edd: "This would be so much more bearable if I had my provisions!" [He looks at Eddy darkly.]
Eddy: [putting a hand to his ear] "What's that?" [after a beat] "I think it's the sound of no one caring!" [He returns Edd's look.] "Move it out!"
[Ed follows him, neighing like a horse.]

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Jonny: "'Aah! Don't come any closer!' But it just kept coming, with its one big eye, its footsteps grew louder with every step! Squish, squash, squish, squash! 'I want to eat your belly button!'"
Jimmy: [hiding under a blanket] "Aah! Don't eat me!"
Rolf: "Ho ho ho! Rolf may need a diaper, as his toes curl with fright! Please continue."
[A somewhat ghostly howling is heard.]
Jimmy: [clutching Plank] "What was that?"
Rolf: "It comes from the trees!"
[Horrified screams join the commotion. Rolf looks around, searching for the source. Jimmy claps his hands over his ears.]
Jimmy: "It's so grotesque!"
[Suddenly, the howling stops. Two hands reach out from a bush and grope for where two extension cords connect. They find the ends and pull them apart. The fire dies, and the campsite goes dark.]
Jimmy: [fearing] "Holy mackerel."

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[In the darkness, Jonny and Jimmy scream. Rolf finds an oil lamp and lights it up. Rolf looks around the campsite, which is now trashed completely. Jonny comes out from under the recliner.]
Jonny: [excited] "That scared me out of my pants! Good one, Rolf, you really had us going!"
Rolf: "This was not Rolf, Ranger Jonny."
Jimmy: "Help help, it's got me! Somebody save me!" [Jimmy is hanging by his retainer from a tree branch.]
Jonny: "How'd he get up there?"
[Rolf sniffs the air. His eyes narrow in suspicion. Rolf flips a coin into the bushes. The bushes rustle.]
Eddy: [catching it] "Hey, check it out."
Rolf: [angry] "Ranger Jonny, rescue Ranger Jimmy." [Jonny salutes and complies.] "Rolf has business to attend to."

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[Rolf scrapes some mud off the ground.]

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[Rolf applies the mud to his face like war paint.]

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[Rolf hikes his pants up to his chest.]

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[Rolf pulls a clump of hair from his nose, bringing on insanity.]

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[Rolf rises up, silhouetted against the moon, and howls like a wolf.]
Rolf: "OOW-OOO-OWWW-OOOO-OOOWWWWW-OOOOOOOOO-OOOWWWWWW-OOOOOOOOOOO!"

---

[The Eds are in another clearing. Ed and Eddy are rolling about on the forest floor. Edd looks nervous.]
Edd: "Boy, Eddy, I really feel bad about this. Can we please go now?"
Eddy: [chuckling] "Ed! Did you get a load of their faces when the fire went out?"
Ed: "Ooooh." [He laughs.]
Eddy: "I even made a quarter!" [He and Ed laugh merrily.] "Oh, man. Okay, Double D, let's get out of here."
[Eddy turns around to find that Edd is missing.]
Edd: [offscreen, fear in his voice] "Eddy! Ed!"
[Eddy and Ed look for the voice.]
Eddy: "Nice try, Double D."
Edd: "Stop oh please, no!"
Eddy: [frightened] "Okay, Double D. You c-can come out now."
Edd: "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
[Ed and Eddy cling to each other. A dark figure approaches on the edge of their vision. They turn another way, and the same figure leaps from a branch.]
Ed and Eddy: "AAAH!!"
Eddy: "What was that?"
[They back to their right, and a figure runs past, right in front of them.]
Ed and Eddy: "WOAAAH!"
Ed: "It's the belly button eater! AAH!!" [He takes off.]
Eddy: "Ed, wait!"
[Ed, running, hurdles a fallen log. He doesn't see a stretched rope, however, and that he trips over. A net descends upon him, and he gets up screaming, entangled in the net. A log tied to a branch swings from the sky and hits him, knocking him into a tiger pit. The screams of Ed and Edd commingle in the night.]
Ed and Edd: "Help! Eddy! Eddy! Save me! Help! Make it stop! Help me!"
[Eddy, in the clearing, stands dead still, scared witless.]
Eddy: "Guys?" [He turns around and catches sight of the dark figure.] "AAAH!"
[Eddy runs away from it, continually looking back. When he does look forward, he spies it, lurking between two trees.]
Eddy: "Help me! BELLY BUTTON EATER!"
[Eddy turns around, burning a lot of rubber off the soles of his shoes. He runs through a clear path with trees bordering it. Eddy looks from side to side, hoping against hope for an escape. Suddenly, two hands reach down from the trees and grab him.]
Eddy: [helpless] "Have mercy."

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[Sarah throws open the door to the basement.]
Sarah: "Ed! You're in trouble, mister!"
[Sarah receives no reply. She angrily stomps into the basement and throws Ed's door open.]
Sarah: "ED!"
[Sarah still gets no reply. She scans the room and heads for the closet. Sarah opens the door.]
Sarah: "Mom said to get out of the closet, Ed, it's been three days now."
The Eds: [cowering under a blanket] "BELLY BUTTON EATER!"
Sarah: "What idiots." [She slides the door shut.]