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Script


Jonny: "Give it all you got, Eddy!"
Rolf: "Not since Mama got a new shoehorn have I seen such bravery!"
[Eddy is apparently performing feats of daring.]
Nazz: "What's happening, guys?"
Rolf: "Hotshot Eddy once again interrupts our personal drudgery."
Eddy: "Don't try this at home, kids!" [He bounces by on a giant rubber ball.]
Nazz: "Radical!"
Ed: "Aw, come on, Eddy, my turn!"
Edd: [exhausted] "For heaven's sakes." [He rubs his side.] "I think I've lost about ten pounds this season."
Kevin: "What's up, Nazz?" [Eddy's ball lands on him.]
Eddy: "Keep your eyes peeled!"
Sarah: [dragging Jimmy into the yard] "Forget that showoff, Jimmy."
Jimmy: [enchanted] "But Eddy might crash!"
[The vehicle goes under a covered patio. Eddy rams into the roof twice and comes out perfectly fine.]
Jonny: "He made it!"
Jimmy: "Wait! He's losing control!"
Kevin: "I wish."
[Eddy lands on a clothesline and yawns. The line then rockets him straight up. A clothespin comes loose and heads for Jimmy.]
Jimmy: "Murphy's law, do your stuff!" [The clothespin gently taps his foot.] "Ouch!" [He clutches his leg.] "My foot! It's broken! Owie!"
Sarah: "Jimmy?"
Jonny: "That clothespin went right for him, Plank!"
Sarah: "You okay, Jimmy?" [The kids congregate around him.]
Jimmy: "Did someone get the number of that launderade?"
Nazz: "Poor Jimmy!"
[Eddy comes down in a pool standing on his tounge as his grand finale.]
Eddy: "Ta-da!" [He sees all the kids leaving.]
Jonny: "Plank says clothespins are known to attack at the blink of an eye!"
Eddy: "What's with that? I had them eating out of the palm of my hand!"
Edd: "Jimmy's mishap with a rogue clothespin took precedence, Eddy. It's hard to compete with misfortune."
Ed: [oblivious] "Fools! As it is my turn to ride the cluck-ball. Look up my nose and see your future." [Edd and Eddy stand, silent.]
Edd: "As I was saying, humans are naturally attracted to the blunders, bruises, and over-the-top cartoon antics of others. Sympathetic or otherwise."
[An elephant's call is heard. We see that the bubble has popped, and it is deflating and Ed with it.]
Edd: "Oh dear. Ed, are you all right?"
Eddy: [scheming] "Hmm. Sympathetic or otherwise, huh?"


[Jimmy is sprawled on a lawn chair. Sarah comes up to him with a glass of water.]
Sarah: "Here Jimmy! Drink some water." [Jimmy sips from the glass.]
Nazz: "Is there anything we can do for you?"
Rolf: "Let Rolf nurture you with a bowl of Nano's pre-chewed seven-course dinner?"
Jimmy: "My tummy, Sarah. Pitiless is the tempest sea." [He faints.]
Rolf: "Emergency! We must implement the boat procedures."


[A wheelbarrow is rolling down the lane. Ed is pushing it, making siren sounds all the way. Eddy is inside the barrow, heavily bandaged. Edd runs beside the wheelbarrow.]
Eddy: "Oh, the pain!" [to Ed] "As soon as you see the kids, slow to a stop, Ed." [to Edd] "Double D, it's Oscar time."
Edd: "I've abandoned all confidence, morals, and integrity, Eddy. An actor I shall be."


[Rolf is shaking Jimmy when the sirens are heard.]
Jimmy: "Someone's in trouble."
Kevin: "Whoa! It's coming from the lane."
Rolf: "You are right, Kevin." [He drops Jimmy.] "Come, Jonny."
Sarah: [seeing the kids leave] "Rolf? Jonny? NAZZ? What about poor Jimmy?" [She flings her arms wide, punching Jimmy in the nose.]


[Ed runs past the kids.]
Eddy: "Ed, back up, you idiot!"
Ed: [backing up] "Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep."
Eddy: [hamming it up] "Oh, the soreness of the ache!"
Edd: [pretending to comfort] "Be brave, Eddy! All is well. Chin up, fine fellow!"
Nazz: "Are you all right, Eddy?"
Ed: "The patient has suffered a Penelope to his head and soreness area as well as a major gush from the–" [he thinks] "–his Goliath…upper…tube veiny thing."
Jonny: "Boy Eddy, you're a mess!"
Eddy: "Oh, is that you, Jonny? It was horrible! It came out of nowhere." [He coughs.] "Did I say it was horrible?"
Ed: "Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a blood-curdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling groundchuck." [He makes chewing noises.]
Edd: [unbelieving] "Please."
Rolf: "Rolf has seen this meatball. It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!"
The Kids: [captivated] "Ooooh."


Sarah: [setting Jimmy on the lawn chair] "You stay put here, Jimmy. I'll get some kids to help me carry you to your room. And don't forget to drink, you need to keep your fluids up."
Jimmy: "You forgot the straw, Sarah!" [An acorn falls into his drink.] "An acorn." [Jimmy looks skyward.] "Hello, Mister Squirrel! You're cute!"


Nazz: "You're so brave, Eddy. Is there anything we can do for you?"
Eddy: "The fact that I'm surrounded by all my friends is all I need." [He suddenly sees Sarah.]
Sarah: "You're just a big faker! Jimmy is the one who's really hurt!"
Eddy: [in a dry voice] "Come closer, my child." [He grabs Sarah's shirt and pulls her to him. Hissing] "You tell Jimmy he's out of his league!"
Jimmy: "Sarah! Owie!" [In the backyard, Jimmy has been crushed by a tree.]
Nazz: "Not again!"
Sarah: "It's Jimmy! Jimmy's in trouble!"
Nazz: [leading the charge back] "C'mon, guys!"
[Kevin laughs.]
Eddy: "Hey, wait! Where ya goin'? Where's my attention?"
Jonny: [running after his friends] "Wait up, guys!"
Eddy: "I was attacked by a meatball!"
Edd: "Eddy, Jimmy's a natural at garnering attention."
Eddy: "He's a hack!" [pointing at the cast on his leg] "This is grade-A damage here! What's his secret?"
Edd: [pulling the cast off] "Well for one thing, Jimmy's lament of anguish is real, Eddy."
Eddy: "Is that all?" [He smirks.] "Let's do it then, Double D. Give me your best shot."
Edd: "What are you talking about?"
Eddy: [pointing to his cheek] "Right here, as hard as you can. Don't hold back."
Edd: "I'm not hitting you."
Eddy: "What are you? Chicken?"
Edd: "Oh, peer pressure. Just reduce yourself to a Neanderthal, Eddy."
Eddy: "You're a big fat chicken!"
Edd: "Don't you touch me!"
Eddy: "Chicken!"
[Ed runs off.]
Edd: "Stop it!"
Eddy: "Chicken!"
Edd: "I'm not a chicken!" [A shadow envelops the fighting duo.]
Ed: [carrying a one-story house] "Here, Eddy! Lots of hurt, hold the onions!"
Edd: "Okay fine, I'm a chicken!" [He runs away.]
Eddy: "Um, Ed?"
[The house comes crashing down on Eddy.]


Edd: [running towards the house] "Eddy? Can you hear me, Eddy?!" [to Ed] "Ed! What in heaven's name were you thinking?"
Ed: [unworried] "Absolutely nothing, Double D."
Eddy: [from inside the house] "Okay. I'm hurt now."
[Ed peels back part of the wall. Various kitchen utensils fall out, and Eddy looks out.]
Eddy: "Nice work, Ed. This'll bring the kids running back!" [The kids fail to materialize.] "Any time now." [The kids still do not appear.]
Edd: "This isn't how you crave for attention, Eddy! This irrational competition in seeking everyone's recognition stops right here, right now!"
Eddy: "We need a bigger house, Ed."
Ed: "I'm on it, Eddy."
Edd: [grabbing Ed] "Okay, wait. Help me find an alternate solution, Ed?"
Ed: "I don't know what one looks like, Double D."
Edd: "If you help me, Ed, I'll give you an entire surface of pudding skin!"
Ed: [smiling] "Pudding skin?" [He runs off with Edd.]
Eddy: [all alone now] "Ed? Double D?" [He pushes his way out of the house.] "Fine! Who needs ya? I can get my own sympathy." [He takes a frying pan off his head, and in his mind an idea begins to sizzle.] "Move over, Jimmy. Pathetic Eddy's coming to town."


Jimmy: [heavily bandaged] "It was such a cute squirrel, too."
Sarah: "I know, I know." [Sarah glues his hair back on.] "There! You look better already."
[Eddy rides by at high speed.]
Eddy: "Help! Help me!"
Sarah: [concerned] "Eddy's gonna crash!" [happy] "Let's go see, Jimmy."
Jimmy: "Wait for me, Sarah!" [He starts off at a very slow place. Suddenly, he notices a bush behind him. The bush rises up.]
Ed: [as the bush] "Meatball!"
Jimmy: [being engulfed] "Aah! Mother Nature's attacking again!"
Edd: "We're here to help, Jimmy, for yours and Eddy's sake. Safety is my prime concern." [He puts a rubber glove on Jimmy.]


Eddy: [riding the pan] "Runaway frying pan!" [he spots the kids] "Ah! My audience." [hamming] "I'm in trouble, folks!" [He runs into the side of a dumpster.]
Jonny: "Eddy?" [He grabs the frying pan.]
Eddy: "Help me?" [Jonny pours Eddy out.] "Oh the pain. I'm in need–" [he falls over] "–of attention."
Nazz: "Poor Eddy! Are you okay?"
Sarah: [unimpressed] "Is that it? You should see Jimmy!"
Jimmy: [offscreen] "Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy! Bouncy bouncy bouncy!" [He is in an inflated rubber glove, which Ed is riding in the same manner that Eddy rode the ball earlier.] "Whee!"
Nazz: "That's so cool!"
Sarah: [worried] "Hey! What'd you do to Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Look at me! Yay!"
Sarah: "I'll catch you, Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "I'm okay, Sarah! Double D made me safe!" [Kevin kicks the balloon.]
Kevin: "Boot! Aw, this is awesome!"
Nazz: "My turn!" [Jonny and Rolf follow as Sarah watches.]
Sarah: "Hey, wait for me!"
Eddy: [annoyed] "Now where ya goin? Jimmy's not even hurt!"
Edd: "My point exactly, Eddy. No more attention-grabbing through personal injuries in my Play-Safe and Never Play-Sorry Bubble Suit!" [We look at the kids.] "That should put an end to your childish outdoing-Jimmy game."
Eddy: "Good luck! You've just changed the rules, Double D. The show must go on."
Edd: "Drats!"


Eddy: [in a heavy boiler] "They'll come from miles around to see Eddy's Better Than Jimmy's Play-Safe Suit."
Ed: [putting a red bucket with an eyeslit on his head] "One brain bucket."
Eddy: "Take me to the kids, Ed."
Ed: "Your wish is my lunch."
[Ed removes his jacket and proceeds to spin Eddy in circles.]
Eddy: "Ed?" [When Ed lets go, the suit flies away.] "GO, BABY, GO!"


[The kids are playing volleyball with Jimmy as the ball.]
Sarah: "Here he comes!" [Her team bounces him to the other side of the net.]
Jimmy: "Whee! Here I come!"
Kevin: "Over to you, Rolf."
Jimmy: "Hi, Kevin. You're so nimble."
Rolf: "It is mine, peasants!" [He hits Jimmy high into the air.]
Kevin: "Smooth move, Rolf!"
[In midair, Eddy runs into Jimmy. Eddy's suit loses all its momentum, whereas Jimmy's absorbs it, barely pushed out of the way.]
Eddy: "Hit the road, Bubbleboy. What the–" [He begins to fall.]
Rolf: [looking up] "Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf."
Kevin: "What are you talking about, man?"
Rolf: "Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf. Must I spell it? We have guests."
[Eddy crash-lands on Rolf and Kevin.]
Eddy: "It worked! I'm safe! I'm better than Jimmy!"
Jonny: "Didja see that, Plank? Great crash, Eddy!"
Nazz: "Need any help, dude?"
Jimmy: [floating down] "Greetings, earthlings! Oh, you too, Mr. Doggie. You're cute!"
[A low growl is heard, and then the dog tears the yard apart in an attempt to kill Jimmy.]
Jimmy: "I'm safe!" [more destruction is heard] "No problem!" [his suit tears, and air gushes out] "Not safe! Not safe! Help me!" [He flies haphazardly through the cul-de-sac.]
Sarah: "I'm coming, Jimmy!"
[Jonny joins the chase.]
Nazz: "Wait up, guys!"
[All that could go have gone after the endangered Jimmy.]


Eddy: [stuck at the bottom of a hole] "Hell–o? Where'd everybody go?" [Kevin pushes him off.]
Kevin: "Well whaddya know. Canned dork. Allow me to introduce you to my knuckles."
Eddy: [laughing] "Forget your glasses at home? I'm invincible! You'll hurt your hand!"
Rolf: "Conserve your strength, Kevin, as you will need it for the Edboy-thrashing. Rolf can see shoddy spot-welding from a distance of twenty goats."
Eddy: "Hey!" [Rolf taps on his suit.] "Quit wasting your time, Rolfy boy." [Rolf puts his tongue on a specific spot and hits it with his fist.]
Kevin: "You're a freak, dude."
Rolf: "Behold."
[Eddy's suit splits down the middle.]
Kevin: "Pick a body part, Rolf."
Rolf: "I am quite partial to feet, Kevin."
Edd: [looking into the hole] "This is not good." [The thrashing begins.]
Eddy: "This is great! Go get the kids quick, Double D!"
Edd: "Do this, Double D, do that, Double D, oooh! bossy, bossy, bossy." [He exits the scene.]

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide

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