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Script


[Ed rings the doorbell. He then rings it again. He then rings it eight more times. Edd answers it on the seventh ring overall.]
Eddy: "Alright already!" [walking into the house] "Hey, Double D!"
Edd: "Good morning, Eddy! Um, Eddy, could you–"
Ed: [walking backwards] "Hi, Double D."
Edd: [giggling] "Oh, good morning, Ed. Wait! Eddy, please remove your shoes I just waxed the floor!"
Eddy: "Always with the shoes. Alright, alright." [He takes his shoes off.]
Edd: "Thanks, Eddy."
Ed: [using his teeth] "Look, no hands!" [He removes his shoe, and the smell of his feet invades.]
Eddy: [pinching his nose shut] "Phew! I think the circus is in town!"
[Ed steps forward in his socks and immediately topples over. He takes another step and barely manages to stay on his feet. He then begins to "skate" around the room.]
Edd and Eddy: "Freestyle floor-skate!"
Edd: "First one to the kitchen makes lunch!"
Eddy: "See ya, Sockhead!" [He takes off. Edd giggles and then begins to skate, gracefully.]
Ed: "Beep beep!" [He runs into Edd. Instead of running Edd down, Ed instead pushes Edd in front of him.]
Eddy: [at the fridge] "I win!" [Ed skates into him. Ed then falls down. Edd sprawls on top of him, and Eddy on top of them.]
Ed: [with a sticky note over his nose] "Oh no. My nose! My nose is flat!" [picking the note off his face] "And someone wrote on it!"
Edd: "Thank you, Ed, my parents leave me–"
Eddy: [snatching the note] "Let me see that!" [reading it] "Dear Eddward, please make your bed, wash your hat, and wear clean underwear. Love, Mom. P.S.: Father would like to talk to you. See note 6A, Section E." [looking around the sticky note filled kitchen] "Holy cow! Would you look at all those sticky notes?" [reading various notes] "Eddward, do the laundry, wash the windows, lift the seats,–"
Edd: "Excuse me, those are personal!" [noticing one] "Oh dear. Father wants me to mow the lawn! I detest mowing the lawn!"
Eddy: "Ah, cutting the grass is easy. Even Ed here could do it."
Ed: "'Cause I'm simple!"


Eddy: "Unleash the power, Double D! Bring out that gas-guzzling, blow tart, low-charge power mower with the side grab bag."
Edd: "Okay, Eddy. Here it is!" [He takes the tarp off a push mower.]
Eddy: "What the–that's an old push mower! It's easier to pull teeth than cut the–" [having an idea] "Oh Ed."
Ed: "Yes Eddy?"
Eddy: "Check it out. Doesn't that lawn mower look like the thermo-destructo Whibble Whacker from Space Leech 4?"
Ed: "Yeah!"
Eddy: [whispering] "Attack the Whibbles."
Ed: "THE WHIBBLES!" [He starts pushing the mower at a furious rate.] "ATTACK THE WHIBBLES!"
Eddy: "And you don't even have to clean up after him."
Ed: "WHIBBLES AWAY!" [Eddy is on the back porch, sipping lemonade.] "OUT OF THE WAY, CITIZEN!"
Eddy: "What did you call me?"
Edd: [after Ed plows through a flowerbed] "Oh, dear, Ed!" [Ed runs over a flamingo.] "STOP! DESIST!" [Ed destroys the picnic area.] "Refrain! Abstain!" [Broken wood covers him.]


[Ed has finished mowing the lawn.]
Ed: "Whibbles have been terminated, Eddy."
Edd: "My backyard! There is no backyard. Oh, this is not good. Oh dear. This is worth another ten sticky notes."
Eddy: [looking at the destroyed backyard] "So Ed cut the grass a little close to the ground. Big deal. It's a simple fix, Double D. We'll just grow it back."
Edd: "That'll take weeks!"
Eddy: "Not with what I got!" [grabbing Ed] "C'mon, Frankenstein."


Edd: "Here it comes!" [He drives a nail into a fence post.] "Careful...ahh, the fence is repaired. Let's mend that umbrella."
[Ed comes crashing through the freshly repaired fence. Eddy is sitting on a huge bag of something.]
Edd: "What's that?"
Eddy: "This, Double D, is Montezuma's Free-Range Manure! My dad uses it all the time on his grass."
Ed: "And it's a big bag."
Edd: "But we're constrained by the intimacy of our situation."
Eddy: "And you kiss your mother with that mouth? Okay, keep your eyes peeled." [He plunges a hand into the sack.] "Lift your foot, big guy!" [He plants some of the manure on Ed's shoe. Mushrooms sprout almost immediately.]
Ed: "Nice shoe!"
Eddy: "Wow, that's fast. Fast? Cash! Bingo!" [he explains his idea] "Let's put this stuff on everybody's lawn. Then mow it for money!"
Edd: "I hate mowing the lawn!"
Eddy: "But you love jawbreakers."
Edd: "Yes. I do."
Eddy: [opening the bag] "Stand clear!"


[Some of the manure has been poured onto Edd's lawn.]
Edd: "Smelly smelly smelly."
Eddy: [to Ed, who has a shovel ready] "Ready Ed?"
Ed: "Roger Wilco, Eddy!" [he tosses shovelfuls over his shoulder] "You're gone! Later, buckaroo!"
Eddy: "Faster, Ed!"
[Manure splatters like giant raindrops all over the cul-de-sac.]
Jimmy: [having a tea party with Sarah] "And I find that polyester and rayon always gives me a rash!"
Sarah: "I think that Nazz has such a neat haircut."
Jimmy: "I'd love to style her hair, Sarah. If you let me." [He reaches for a sandwich to find it covered in manure. Only then does he notice the rain.] "The sky is falling!"


Ed: [exhausted] "All done, Eddy."
Eddy: "You're an animal, Ed."
Edd: [panicking] "It's not working! It's everywhere! This is unsanitary!"
[Almost immediately after Edd finishes his rant, the earth starts to rumble. Grass then sprouts, very high. The same thing is happening all across the cul-de-sac.]
Edd: [stepping out of the grass with his friends] "We mow all this grass?"
Eddy: "We're in the money! Let's cut grass!"
Jimmy: "Aah!"
Edd: "Sounds like the cats are fighting."
Eddy: "Nah, that's Jimmy."
Sarah: "Aah!"
Eddy: "And that's Sarah."
Sarah: "Help!"
Ed: "Sarah's lost in the tall grass! Trouble! Big!"
Eddy: [unconcerned] "Fine. We'll mow her out and charge her."
Ed: "Eddy, you look thataway. We're coming, Sarah!" [He throws Eddy into a lawn.]
Eddy: "Ed!" [exits the lawn] "Ed!"
Ed: [rushing into one] "Don't tell Mom, Sarah! Here I come! Everything is okay, I see you now!" [He runs into a tree. Exiting a lawn] "That wasn't you, Sarah."
Eddy: [peeking out of a grove of grass] "Ed?"
Ed: "Sarah!" [He hits a tree.] "Ow." [He falls at Eddy's feet.] "Hello, Eddy."
Eddy: "Where's Double D?"
Edd: [entering the meeting] "Present."
Eddy: "I think Ed's lost."
Sarah: [from her haven] "Help!"
Edd: [a rope tied around his waist] "I've set up a guide line to the street, Eddy."
Eddy: "Let's hunt 'em down!"
Sarah: "Get us out!"
Ed: "Sarah!" [grabbing Eddy] "Eddy, help me find Sarah!"
Eddy: "We need to mow the lawns, Ed."
Ed: "I could eat the grass." [He tries to eat it.]
Edd: "Rolf's goat eats grass."
Ed: [running off] "Rolf's got a goat, Sarah!"


[The Eds look into Rolf's farmyard, which is barren of grass.]
Eddy: "Check it out."
Edd: "Eureka!"
Eddy: "Hiya, Rolf!"
Edd: "Greetings, Rolf."
Rolf: [holding a rabbit] "Hello, Ed-boys. Would you like to join me for lunch?"
Eddy: "Yeah, right. Hey Rolf, let us borrow your goat for a while and we'll cut your grass for free."
Rolf: "Free? Sure! But you must follow the customary procedure for the Passing of the Goat." [He holds out the notepad.] "Read and sign, thank you."
Eddy: "Take care of that, will ya, Double D?"
Rolf: "The Passing of the Goat continues to be a stable export of my country!" [he points to places on the contract] "Here, here, here, and here." [Edd signs where indicated.]
Eddy: [leaping on Victor] "Okay, goat! Time to work!" [the goat doesn't move] "Quit stalling, goat!"
Edd: [completing the form] "Complete!"
[Rolf looks the notepad over carefully.]
Rolf: "Very good. Victor, you're out of here!"
[Victor, who up to this point was impossible to budge, takes off. He heads straight into the grass, tunneling through it.]
Edd: "Strong union."


[Victor, still with Eddy on his back, is tearing through the grass at a furious pace. Ed and Edd are following in his wake.]
Edd: "Follow Victor!"
[Victor mows several yards in seconds. Eddy nearly falls off. He manages to grab the goat's tail and pull himself back on, however.]
Eddy: "Goat, stop! Whoa, Victor!" [He grabs Victor's ears, spurring the goat on to an even faster pace.]


[Ed and Edd are in a freshly mown lawn.]
Ed: "Goats are fast. SARAH!" [He runs over to the abandoned tea party.] "Oh no." [searching madly in impossible locations] "Sarah? Are you there, Sarah? SARAH!" [He puts the picnic basket over his head.] "Cool."
[Victor makes a goat noise.]
Ed: "Victor? THE GOAT ATE SARAH! THE GOAT ATE MY SISTER!" [He rushes past Eddy, who is shell-shocked and covered in grass clippings.]
Eddy: "Ed looking for the goat?"
Edd: [Victor is now a round blob of goat] "I think he found him."
Ed: [mad with fear and pain] "Sarah! Sarah!"
Sarah: "You're in trouble, Ed!"
Ed: "Are you okay?"
Sarah: "Where are you, Ed!"
Ed: "I'm right beside you! Stay calm, and don't touch anything!" [Sarah comes to the window of the house which Victor is parked by.]
Sarah: "What are you talking about?"
Ed: "It's okay, Sarah! Big brother will get you out." [He opens Victor's mouth and plunges his head in.]
Sarah: "I'm over here, stupid."
Ed: "I CAN'T SEE!"
Sarah: [exasperated] "Ed, the window!" [Ed pulls his head out of the goat.]
Ed: "Sarah?" [he offers the doll to her] "How did you get out of the goat, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Gimme my dolly, you big lummox!" [She grabs the doll.]
Ed: [to his friends] "Sarah's fine."
Eddy: "Good. Let's get our dough."
Edd: "We need to get Victor back to Rolf. I'm responsible. I signed a contract."
Eddy: "Later, Double D."
Edd: "You don't understand! I'll owe Rolf two bags of beans, five pigs, and a turnip if I don't return Victor!"


[Eddy is walking on top of Victor. Ed and Edd are pushing in the other direction. The combined force has Victor moving rightward.]
Eddy: "Pick it up, guys!" [the goat speeds up] "Yeah. Here we go." [Eddy doesn't realize that they're on a downhill slope. As the goat accelerates] "Okay. Hang on. Nonononono. Help! Slow down, willya?"
Ed and Edd: [no longer pushing the goat, but rather a couple steps behind it] "We're trying, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Ed! Double D! RUNAWAY GOAT!"
Ed: "I'll save you, Eddy!" [He leaps onto Eddy. This results in the two of them lying on the goat, being mashed into the ground with every clockwise turn the goat makes.] "This is fun!"
Edd: [joining them] "Not good." [Victor hits a fence and bounces.] "Not good!" [The Eds land in the mud. Victor lands on top of them.]
Ed: [when Victor tries to eat his hair] "Victor likes me."
Eddy: "Goats like leafy vegetables." [Edd ducks into the muck, and Victor bites Eddy's head.] "Let go, Victor!"
[Victor lets go. Edd comes up for air, and the goat snaps at him. Eddy comes up again, and Victor goes for Ed, who ducks just in time. He then goes for Eddy as Edd comes up. Eddy barely escapes.]
Edd: "Help!"
[Victor continues the makeshift game of Whack-a-Mole.]

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide

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