Ed, Edd n Eddy


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Eddcleanup-3 copy "Don't let the excitement spoil your grammar, Eddy." — Edd
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This is a collection of quotes from the episodes of Ed, Edd n Eddy and those of individual characters.

Season 1

"The Ed-Touchables"

  • Ed: [grabbing Eddy, who has been trying to sneak up on him] "Hey! Eddy! What's up?"
    Edd: "Dogpile!" [The Eds tussle.]
    Ed: [with both in a headlock] "Hiya, Double D. You guys make me laugh."

  • Ed: "Hey, Jonny, nice haircut. Double D has a surprise for you!" [Jonny looks at Double D.] "A lie detector!"
    Edd: [after placing bread in the toaster] "Ready."

  • Jonny: "OK, OK! I did it! I took everybody's stuff! Now let me go, I gotta go to the bathroom!"

  • Sarah: "That dirty toucher took my dolly poo-poo!"

  • Eddy: [talking to Plank] "You must be the brains, huh?" [Plank is silent.] "Where's the stuff, Planky? Fess up!" [Plank remains silent.] "Oh, silent huh?" [Eddy hits Plank with his hand.] "AAAAAHHHHH! Splinters!"
    Jonny: "AAAAH! Leave Plank alone, Eddy!"

  • Eddy: "AHA! Dr. Toucher, I presume?"
    Jonny: "Whoa! You guys are weird!"

  • Eddy: [after witnessing Sarah attacking Ed] "You got to love these family moments."

  • Eddy: "Hey guys! What's big, round, and costs a nickel?"
    Ed and Edd: "Jawbreakers!"
    Eddy: "And away we go–" [Sarah and Jimmy get in his way.]
    Sarah: "Now just a rotten minute! I found my dolly, under my bed!"
    Jimmy: "It's true, and here she is, see?"

"Nagged to Ed"

  • [The Eds are in the forest, only to hear mysterious, yet haunting voices]
    The Kankers: [offscreen in the forest background] "Ed, Edd n Eddy, sitting in a tree; K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

  • Ed: "I saw this in a movie – 'I Made a Thorax'!"

  • Lee: "Sailors are all alike, you should go back to diving for clams."

  • Eddy: [looking at the Kankers' artwork of them and the Eds] "Look! Artwork! It's 'Ed and May'! How cute!"
    Edd: [saw a picture with him with Marie] "Is that me?"
    Eddy: [saw a picture of Lee and himself are married] "What the- AAHHH! That's not funny!" [crams picture into a ball]

  • Edd: "Interesting. 'Hub Cap Digest'." [pulls down the book and opens it] "This book has no print. These pages are blank!"

"Pop Goes the Ed"

  • Eddy: [spying on a beehive] "Okay, boys. It's time for the welcome wagon to pay a visit."

  • Eddy: "Oh, yeah. Now for the secret of schmoozing, the rapture of rap, the snap, crackle, pop of cool. Hire a secretary, boys. Now this-" [Ed and Edd are peeking] "No peeking. This will be a day you'll never forget." [opens a box with swimsuits in it] "Pinch yourself, boys. Swimsuits of the Gods. Well, OK they're my brother's."
    Edd: "My word. They look like napkins."
    Ed: "Cool box, Eddy."

  • Sarah: "Get your big butt off the sprinkler!" [Ed sprinkles the water in Sarah's face] "Ooh, you!"
    Jimmy: [People are getting ready to eat at the table] "Um, What is that?"
    Rolf: "Stuffed pig's head. A favorite in my country."
    Jimmy: "Well, I brought a quiche." [shows it closer to Rolf] "Mmmmm, Yummy!"
    Rolf: "It's the food of the..." [he babbles with his mouth using his finger] "THE PARTY IS CURSED!"
    [Jimmy starts crying]
    Sarah: "Don't worry, Jimmy. I like quiche."

  • [The Eds are hiding in the pool after their swimsuits snap off]
    Eddy: "Someone's coming! Act natural."
    [The Eds splash in the pool, then Sarah and Jimmy arrive]
    Sarah: "Quit hogging the pool! It's our turn!"
    Eddy: "No it isn't!"
    Sarah: "Yes it is!"
    Ed: "We are not moving."
    Sarah: "ED! GET OUT!"
    Eddy: "Hit the road!" [splashes at Sarah and Jimmy] "Put an egg in your shoe and beat it!"
    Jimmy: "Come on, Sarah. Let's leave these guys alone."
    Edd: "Well, that was close."
    Nazz: [Nazz then comes over] "Hi Ed, Edd and Eddy. You boys look cool. Mind if I join you?" [a pause and the Eds swallowed hard]
    Eddy: "Uh, Ed's got three nipples like that bad guy in James Bond."
    Nazz: [laughter] "You're funny." [Nazz walks away]
    Ed: "What third nipple? Show me where it is."
    Eddy [While pointing to one of Ed's nipples and pinches Ed's skin]: "It's right here!"
    Edd [points to the cake]: "Look..."
    [A large cake is taken over to the table, and Ed attempts to go over and get some]
    Eddy: [whilst dragging Ed back into the pool] "Get down! Are you nuts?!"

  • Eddy: [outraged] "My pencil chest hairs! Argh!"
    Kevin: Hey, check out the…" [Eddy pulls up Kevin's shorts]

  • Eddy: [gasping] "W-w-w-w-water!"
    Edd: [collapsing in a pitiful heap] "H2O …pleeeaaase?"
    Ed: [eyes popping in the brain-baking heat] "Gravy!"

  • Eddy: [at the party] "Wow! Everyone's here!"
    Ed: "Looks like fun!"
    Eddy: "Hang on, Mr. Happy!" [grabs Ed's swimsuit as Ed tries to climb the fence]

"Over Your Ed"

  • Eddy: "Ladies and gentlemen…"
    Ed: [excited] "Ladies and gentlemen!"
    Eddy: "Come buy our delicious…"
    Ed: "Come buy our deciduous…" [normal voice] "Uh."
    Eddy: "En-O-Gee Drink."
    Ed: "Hello!" [Kevin and Nazz walks by] "I'm the Sales-Ed."
    Kevin: [unimpressed] "En-O-Gee Drinks?!"
    Ed: [breaks the sign down] "Here, try some."
    Eddy: [panicking] "Ed!" [seeing the scam fall apart] "Ed!"

  • Ed: [swatting flies] "Hey guys."
    Eddy: "What is it, Ed?"
    Ed: "I say the cheese is always twice the fence post."
    Eddy: [giving Ed a dark look] "I wish I had a fence post, Ed."

  • Ed: [while he is in his own bathroom] "Now, what did I come in here for?"

  • [after Edd & Eddy gave Ed a bath in the wagon]
    Ed: "Am I cool, now?"
    Eddy: "No, you're naked."

  • Ed: "Is sitting naked in a wagon cool?"
    Eddy: "No, skunk pits, it isn't."

"A Pinch to Grow an Ed"

  • [Edd shows Eddy his new device in growing tall]
    Edd: "Behold, walking braces!"

  • Eddy: [after slamming his head into the ceiling while using his boots] "Nice pants, Mister Smarty Boots."
    Edd: "Careful Eddy, that button is very sensitive."

  • Sarah: "Ed, what are you doing?"
    Ed: "Making Eddy tall."
    Sarah: "I'm telling mom!"
    Jimmy: "I wanna be tall too!"
    Sarah: "Come on, Jimmy!"

  • Edd: [after Eddy swallows the inflatable raft] "Well, he's certainly wider!"

"Sir Ed-a-Lot"

  • [Nazz and Kevin notice Eddy and the car]
    Nazz: "Wow, Eddy! Cool car!"
    Kevin: [while Eddy closes the window] "Hey dork! Whose car is it, you twerp?!"
    [Eddy cranks up the volume on the car radio, causing both Nazz and Kevin to run away]

  • Eddy: [talking about Sarah] "Next thing you know she'll want a throne!"
    [Sarah gets a throne]
    Eddy: "A toast to my big mouth!"

  • [Eddy tries to entertain Sarah and Jimmy as a jester. He tells a joke to his puppet named Eddo.]
    Eddy: "Hey, Eddo. What's a ghost's favorite lunch meat?" [As Eddo] "Boo-loney!"
    Sarah: "YOU STINK!"

  • Ed: [watching in fear as Sarah holds her breath in a tantrum and goes through multiple color changes] "Eddy, just put on the dress! Aaaaah! she's leaking, Eddy!"

  • Sarah: [angrily] "As I was saying, I AM THE QUEEN!"
    Ed: "And we are your ser-vi-ents!"

  • [after Eddy closed the door on "Prince Jimmy"]
    Sarah: "Who was it!?"
    Eddy: "The frog prince."

  • Sarah: "Prince Jimmy has arrived. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"
    Edd: "Games?"
    Eddy: [growls]

"Quick Shot Ed"

  • Jonny: "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a-" [startled] "Oh my!"

  • Eddy: "AHHHHHHH! Plank's gone mad!"
    Ed and Edd: [screaming] "YAAAH! Plank's gone mad! AAAH!"

  • Jonny: [sitting in bath with Plank, dazed by Eddy's camera flash] "D'you think they saw anything, Plank?"

  • Edd: [fretful & strung up on the Kankers' washing line] "I hope these clothes pegs don't leave marks!"

  • Kevin: [riding his bike down the hill to get the Eds] "I've got you dorks! Uh-oh!" [a garbage truck came out of nowhere on the road and Kevin fell into it]

"Read All About Ed"

  • [Eddy is heard ranting at Rolf]
    Rolf: [not understanding] "Hello, Eddy. Nice haircut."

  • Ed: [buried beneath a mountain of papers] "Hey look, my horoscope - 'New enterprise fails to meet expectations'. What's that mean?"

  • Edd: [being threatened by a little yappy lap-dog] "Oh dear... NOT MY SOCKS!"

  • Edd: "Summer rains, you can never predict them."

"An Ed Too Many"

  • Ed: "I'm hungry."
    Eddy: "Let's go to my place and make some pizza."
    Edd: "I'll make the sauce."
    Ed: "I'll get in the way and make a big mess."

  • Eddy: "Ed, quit eating all the cheese!"
    Ed: [mouth full] "Cheese, Swiss."
    Eddy: "Pepperoni, Italian." [gives Ed a cheese grater]
    Ed: "Slicer, aluminum."

  • Eddy: "Hey, Sarah! Double D wrote you a poem!"
    Sarah: "For me?" [reads the note] "Get Lost...Oh, that's so...HEY!" [She falls down. Ed and Eddy escape with Edd.]

  • Ed: "Um, Sarah? Do you think you should go outside and play?"
    Sarah: [grabbing Ed, yelling] "BACK OFF, FISHFACE!"

  • Jonny: [gasps] "Look, Plank! A twenty dollar bill!"
    Eddy: "But that's our luck!"
    Edd: "That's always our luck!"

  • Edd: [dreamily] "With good luck the daily chore of applying fabric softener would become a thing of the past!"

  • Ed: [carrying huge cheese] "Big cheese!"
    Eddy: "Talking to me, Ed?"

  • Jimmy: [going mental on the Eds] "Where's my Sarah?!" [kicking Eddy in a meek manner] "I want Sarah. I miss Sarah. Give her back!"


  • [The Eds have the opportunity to hide in a game of Hide-n-Seek. Eddy is heading over to his hiding spot with some food]
    Jimmy: "...81...82...83..."
    Eddy: "...24...25...26..."
    Jimmy: "...27...28...29..."
    [Eddy gets into a metallic bush, which is their hiding spot.]
    Eddy: "Ha! This is the best hiding spot!"
    Ed: [with his mouth full] "We can stay here forever."
    Edd: "At the rate of your consumption, it may only be minutes."

  • Eddy: "Tell me, Ed, what's it like having buttered toast for a brain?"

  • Rolf: [dunks his head into the dirt like an ostrich] "I cannot hear you, I am invisible! Goodbye, I have gone to the market!"

"Look Into My Eds"

  • Ed: "Look into the circley thing!"
    Rolf: "You crazy?!"
    Ed: [turning to Eddy] "It's not working, Eddy!"
    Eddy: "Spin it, bean dip!"
    Ed: "Thanks, Eddy!"

  • Edd: [hanging from a branch with Eddy, listening to the screams of the paying customers careening downhill in the Eds "bus"] "I'm afraid this may constitute a refund."

  • Lee: "Look at me! I'm a movie star!"
    May: "I'm a TV star!"
    Marie: "You've been cancelled. I'm a TV star."

  • Ed: [when Kevin hypnotized as a monkey bites Ed's head] "AHH! Get him of me, Eddy! Get him off!"

  • Jonny: "What have you done? Plank is a mindless zombie!"

  • Ed: [returns to normal and does the splits] "Ow, my calves hurt."

  • Jimmy: "My pecs hurt."

"Tag Yer Ed"

  • Edd: [not at all happy with Eddy's vigorous training regime] "But, Eddy, muscle expanditure can lead to unsightly stretch marks."
    Eddy: "Your brain's the only thing with stretch marks."

  • Eddy: "I love Chunky Puffs." [chunky milk pours out of the carton] "I hate chunky milk!"

  • Edd: "I'm not sure this is legal."
    Eddy: "Sure it is! Cows are public property, like trees."

  • Edd: "Your techniques are incorrect, Eddy. To extract milk from a cow, you must use its udder." [all three of them stare at the cow's udder]
    Eddy: "I ain't touching that."

  • Rolf: [while dancing to the background music] "I love this music; it is so shiny!"

  • Ed: "Take me to your leader!" [charges the Kankers]
    Eddy: "Give 'em the Burr-Head Bump, Ed!"
    Ed: "I can't Eddy, my mom says I can't fight girls!"

  • Jonny: "Aw, Plank. You really let yourself go! No more sweets for you!"

"Dawn of the Eds"

  • Eddy: "We'll be slurping jawbreakers for weeks."
    Edd: "Ahh... Actually, Eddy, with current exchange rates, maybe an afternoon's worth."
    Eddy: "Ah, you don't know what you're talking about."

  • Ed: [reading the movie poster of "Robot Rebel Ranch"] "Marooned on a distant planet! Visitors in the void! No escape!" [sees an "Adults Only" stamp on the bottom right hand corner, screams, jalopy horn sound in the background and covers it with his right hand] "It's not fair! If only I were older..."
    Edd: "Don't worry, Ed. We'll see it on TV in a year."
    Ed: "Yeah... With all the good stuff cut out!"
    Eddy: "Don't sweat it boys. Where there's a will, there's a scam."

  • Ed: "Whoa, this is the coolest movie!"
    Eddy: "Since I'm the most mature looking, I'll go in first! Double D can be my wife!"
    Edd: [makes disgusted sound] "Uhh, Ed's taller. I think he should."

  • Ed: "Come on, come on! Not much farther now."
    Eddy: "You said that an hour ago, Ed!"
    Edd: "What are we looking for again?"

  • [Ed sees Kankers have Kevin tied up]
    Ed: "Stay back! Hideous life sucking aliens have captured a fellow space outlaw. Which of the three brave explorers will take the risk to save him?! I will save him! Full speed ahead!"

  • Eddy: "Hey, is this thing ready yet?"
    Edd: "Well, actually Eddy, since it's just a prototype and still in need of..."
    [Eddy gets on space rocket Edd made]
    Edd: "Eddy!"
    Eddy: "There's only one seat in this thing! Why'd you just put one seat, Double D?"
    Edd: "Well, I told you this is the prototype. When this is properly tested, then I'll build the real one."
    Eddy: "Yeah, whatever. Let's go, Double D. Lift-off!"
    Edd: "Well, Eddy, I still need to-"
    Eddy: "Double D, fire the rocket!"
    Edd: [sighs] "Fine, but you... ah... you'd better wear this."
    [Puts pan on Eddy's head]
    Eddy: "Oh, yeah."
    Edd: [sighs] "Three, two, one, ignition!"
    [Eddy goes flying on the rocket but it dissolves in the air and Eddy starts falling down]
    Edd: "Oh! Better test the parachute." [presses a button on a remote. Eddy's seat spawns a parachute.] "Well, at least that worked."
    [drops the remote on the ground, but lands face down, causing the button to be pressed again; the parachute then falls off and Eddy falls on Edd]
    Eddy: "Hey, Double D! The rocket needs work!"
    Edd: "It's a prototype!!"


  • [The Eds are attempting to make a clubhouse]
    Ed: "Weird, Kevin already has a clubhouse here."
    Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."

  • Edd: "What's happening to Ed?"
    [Ed is seen getting attacked by birds]

  • Ed: "Hey, guys! I may have already won ten thousand dollars!"

  • [Eddy hits tree with a hammer]
    Edd: "Eddy, stop! Trees have feelings! What are you doing?!"
    Eddy: "Building a clubhouse."

  • Jonny: "Hello, Eddy!"
    Eddy: "Not now, Jonny! I'm thinking."
    Jonny: "About the tree?"
    Eddy: "Cut it out, Plank. Plank! Wood!"

  • Eddy: "Know where we could find more wood, Jonny Boy?"
    Jonny: "Plank knows! He sees things."

  • Ed: "The maple has landed!"
    [Eddy and Double D chuckle at Ed's joke]
    Eddy: "I don't get it."

  • Edd: "I need help!"
    Eddy: "OK, here comes Mr. Muscle."

  • [Eddy puts helmet on Ed]
    Eddy: "Put this on. It'll protect your head. From what I don't know."

  • Eddy: "Ed, why is your helmet tied to your butt?"
    Ed: "For protection."
    Eddy: "It's meant for your head."
    Ed: "It's my butt!"
    Eddy: [tries to get the helmet out] "It's not safe!"
    Ed: "Eddy, stop!"
    Eddy: "It's not meant..."
    Ed and Eddy: "Ahh!" [both fall down]

  • Ed: "Wake up, Eddy! Stop being unconscious now."
    [Ed slaps Eddy out of unconsciousness]
    Eddy: "Ed! Ed, I'm awake!"

  • Eddy: "That bird just stole my gum! Hey!"

  • Eddy: [lamenting over his lost quarter] "When does this torment stop! It was in the palm of my hand! Who invented birds anyway?! What good are they?"

  • Eddy: "This is cool, having fun Ed?"
    Ed: "Sure am, Eddy!"
    Eddy: "Watch your step big fella…"
    Ed: "Sure am, Eddy." [falls out of tree house]

"Keeping up with the Eds"

  • [Eddy is waiting to ride Rolf's goat, Victor, in an attempt to mow all of the lawns in the cul-de-sac]
    Eddy: "Quit stalling, goat!"

  • Eddy: "Oh Ed, doesn't that lawn mower look like the thermo-destructo Wibble-whacker from 'Space Leech IV'?"

  • Rolf: "The 'passing of the goat' continues to be a staple export of my country."

  • Ed: [laughing in the mud] "Victor likes me!"
    Eddy: [cheesed off in the mud] "Goats like leafy vegetables."

  • Eddy: "Don't worry! Mowing the lawn is simple! Even Ed here can do it!"
    Ed: "Because I am simple!"

  • Ed: "The goat ate Sarah!"

"Who, What, Where, Ed"

  • [Sarah and Nazz playing badminton, and Eddy grabs onto Sarah's racket]
    Sarah: "Hey!"
    Eddy: "Give me your racket, Sarah!"
    Sarah: "My serve!" [She uses Eddy as a ball and Eddy hits the net, then bounces back. Sarah steps out of the way, and Eddy breaks through a fence.]
    Sarah: "Don't ever touch my racket!"

  • Edd: "Ed! You're pitting the floor."
    Ed: "Aw, no way Double D, not since I had my braces removed."

  • Rolf: "Has your brain turned to custard like half-price pastry, Ed-Boy?"

  • Ed: [after running round the entire cul-de-sac asking for a cup of clams] "Can Eddy come out to play?"
    Eddy: [exasperated] "I'm right beside you Ed!"
    Ed: [surprised and pleased] "HI EDDY!"

  • Ed: "Banana flavor, Eddy, want a bite?"
    Eddy: "Hold that thought..." [hits Ed with frying pan]

  • Ed: "Where do eggs come from?"
    Rolf: "Let me show you exactly where the egg comes from--"
    Edd: "NO! Um...Eggs come from chickens, Ed."
    Ed: "Where does a chicken come from?"

"Fool on the Ed"

  • Edd: [recoiling from the handwritten Prank Master card in Ed's hand] "He's such a horrible printer."
    Ed: "You hold it, Double D."
    Edd: "But I have no idea where it's been!"

  • Eddy: [gleefully watching the fumes percolate through the stink bomb] "My brother showed me how to make it - before he went away."

  • Edd: [heading for the phone] "How do I look, Eddy?"
    Eddy: "It's a phone call, Romeo."

  • Ed: [reveling in the smell of the erupted stink bomb] "Ah, something smells good!"
    Edd: "They say scent is a gateway to one's true inner essence..."
    Eddy: "Yes! I stink, therefore I am!"

"A Boy and His Ed"

  • Ed: [opens door/drawbridge and walks through, falling into the water] "The door works."

  • Ed: "Hmm... Kevin's got a pretty fancy garage."
    Edd: [referring to Kevin's bathroom] "Must be a built-in car wash."
    The Eds: "Huh?"
    Kevin: [seeing the Eds in the bathtub with him naked and taking a bath] "What are you dorks doing in here?"

  • Ed: [climbing into empty jawbreaker box] "Hey, free box! Hello, where did everybody go?"

  • Eddy: "Come on, guys. The mother load awaits!"
    Edd: "Hurry Ed!"
    Ed [still stuck in box]: "Anyone got a breath mint?" [trips and falls]

  • Ed: [looking at sticky paper goo emerging from his pea shooter] "Oh no! My brain came out!"
    Eddy: "That's too big to be your brain!"

  • Kevin: [mad and snatches the broom from Eddy] "I'll clean you! DORKS!"

  • Ed: [in Kevin's bathtub] "Could you please pass the soap?"

  • Sarah: [angry] "Grrrr… Ed!"
    Ed: "That sounded like Sarah."
    Eddy: "Nah, it was a truck backfiring."

  • Ed: "If only I had brought my anti-gravity de-spackleizer to repixel the hot-and-cold tumbler on that lock."
    Edd: [in all-out confusion] "Earth to Ed?"

  • Eddy: [blows a klaxon, then chants] "Kevin, Kevin, he's our man!"
    Edd: "We can't do it-"
    Eddy: "But Kevin sure can!"
    [Eddy plays a bass drum six times, Ed bangs his head on trash can lids, Edd blows a noisemaker. The drum rolls away as Ed brings two lids, with Eddy in it]
    The Eds: [Ed moons, showing his butt with "IN" on his underwear, Eddy is standing upright with the "K" painted on his front body, Edd holds a sign "EV"] "Rah, Kevin!" [ Edd realizes they spelled it as "KINEV" and fixes it, then smiles.]
    [Kevin holds up a sign that says "Dorks"]

  • Edd: "So what is the first thing you notice about Kevin here?" [Pointing at Kevin replica]
    Eddy: "His chin is almost as big as yours?"
    [Edd, embarrassed, puts his shirt over his chin.]

"Laugh Ed Laugh"

  • Eddy: [stealing acorns and peanuts from squirrels] "Suckers!"
    Edd: "Hey! Drop those nuts!"
    [Eddy puts all the nuts in his mouth and runs away.]

  • [Eddy is locked into a padded shed and presented a large amount of fake money]
    Ed: "What do you mean?"
    Eddy: "WHADDYA MEAN, 'WHADDYA MEAN'?! With all this glorious..." [looks closely at the bill he's holding and sees a picture of Ed's face drawn on it] "What the-?! It's fake!"
    [Edd put his finger to his mouth]
    Ed: "I drew it myself!"
    [Edd looks back and forth]
    Ed: "Eddy's mad."
    Edd: "Correct. He's back to normal."

  • Eddy: "Where's the key?"
    Ed: "I ate it... discreetly."

  • Ed: [advancing on the chicken pox stricken Jimmy] "It's so gross! Can I touch it?"

  • Eddy: [crazy] "Will you marry us?"
    Edd: "I'm not registered for that."
    Eddy: "Then we'll elope!"

  • Jimmy: "Hello Mr. Postman. Are those eggs for me?"

"It's Way Ed"

  • Edd: [looking at Ed in full "fab freaker" gear] "Actually Eddy, it's hip, it's now, but it smells funny."

  • The Kids: "Whizz whizz, it's time to whazz!"

  • Eddy: [when he notices no-one is taking notice of them] "We're so ahead, we're invisible!"

  • Ed: [Ed, Double-D and Eddy are behind again, in their messed up Fad Freaky] "I'm hungry!"
    Eddy: [after a long pause and the screen goes black] "Shut up, Ed."


  • [Ed is making giant foot prints.]
    Ed: "How am I doing, Eddy? Where's Eddy, Double-D?"
    [Ed falls into a puddle.]
    Edd: "Stuck to your foot like an old gum wrapper."

  • Edd: [watching Eddy fixing a heavy armchair onto the Ed Land "Lawn Chairs Orbit Earth Ride"] "You're tampering with the laws of weight and balance Eddy...Eddy?" [sighs] "Ah, ignorance must be bliss."

  • Eddy: "We the Eds are smarter than-"
    Ed: [interrupting] "Onions?"
    Eddy: "No, Ed."
    Ed: "Buttered toast? A bus driver?"

  • Rolf: "My father walked a hundred miles with a mule, two dogs and a shoe on his back."
    Sarah: "Big deal!"

  • [After Jimmy tripped in Ed's big footprints]
    Rolf: "Look at the size of this footprint, I haven't seen feet this big since my great-grandmother!"

  • Eddy: [covered in muck] "Kacukawawa-sakatagagaga-kickchukamama!"

  • Jonny: [whispering] "Psst. Eddy. There's a hammer in the cake." [normally] "Coming, Kevin!"

"Oath to an Ed"

  • Rolf: [after catching Eddy with a net] "And that is how to save a helpless kitty from a tree! Easy, 1-2-3! Thank you, spoilt Eddy!"

  • Eddy: "Look Rolf, please. Give us one more chance. Please."
    Rolf: "Yes, one more chance now, let me finish my beet!"

  • Edd: [fiddling nervously with neckerchief] "Oh dear, a new neurosis."

  • Rolf: "No shears for you, potato Ed-boy!"

  • Rolf: [after the microwave exploded and drenched Rolf and the Eds with food] "Such waste and disrespect to the fast food stuffers is not allowed in the Urban Rangers! But, seeing you covered in filth reminds me of my youth. Next badge."

  • Ed: "It looks like the head of the monster from I Was a Teenage Appatizer from Planet Sushi: The Second Coming".

  • Rolf: "Those Ed-Boys are crazy like chickens. Except they lay no eggs! Ah, candied beets to calm my nerves."

"A Glass of Warm Ed"

  • Edd: [watching Eddy rummage through Ed for milk] "Euuuuuuugh!"

  • Edd: [terrified] "Oh dear, an intruder, eating all the food out of my refrigerator - in bare feet! So unsanitary!"

  • Edd: "Ed is like a swarm of locusts ready to purge the cul-de-sac and all it's good people of their food!"
    Eddy: [unmoved] "Y'know, you scare me when you talk like that."

  • Jimmy: "Egad, what is that hideous odor? Santa?"

  • Edd: "I hope he doesn't wake Jimmy. This is not good."
    Eddy: "This is rich, Double D! Have a front row seat to the greatest show on Earth!" [he takes out a bag of popcorn and stuffs some in his mouth]
    Edd: "Are you going to share those?"

  • Eddy: "I can't figure out where he's putting it all."

"Flea-Bitten Ed"

  • Ed: "How's it look, Eddy?"
    Eddy: "Ed, you put the sign on upside-down!"
    Ed: "No, I put the sign on the garage!"
    Eddy: "Just flip it over, Ed."
    Ed: "Flip it? Got it!"
    [Ed flips the entire garage over]
    Ed: "I flipped it, Eddy!"
    Edd: "Well, I can read the sign..."

  • Ed: "I feel funny... ah... ah..." [holds his nose] "AH-CHOO!" [Eyes bulge] "I sneezed." [Gets rash] "I'm MUTATING!"

  • Edd: "Eddy, Ed is showing strange symptoms. I'm concerned."
    Eddy: "I've been concerned about Ed since the first day I met him."

  • Ed: [laughs] "Look at me. I am a pigeon! A big pigeon!"
    Eddy: "Don't lay an egg, birdbrain!"

  • Eddy: "Rolf's got tons of stinky animals."
    Edd: "They're absolutely filthy!"
    Ed: "Yes I am."

  • Rolf: "You must be poking my eggplants! That would give me more time to watch the curd rise on the cheese of my grandfather's vats!"

  • Eddy: "Anything good on Double D?"
    Edd: [scouring TV listings] "Ooh there's a documentary on mollusks."
    Ed: "Boring! How about 'Bot: Defender of the Bullyah People'?"

  • Edd: "We need to protect you from those allergies, Ed."
    Ed: [Eddy holding him by his shirt] "Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care."

"Button Yer Ed"

  • [Ed has just walked through Edd's screen door]
    Edd: "Ed, the screen door!"
    Ed: "Lets watch it."

  • Ed: "My ears are broken!"

  • Rolf: "Tell me how good my fish sticks are please. Hah? Hah?"
    Edd: [wincing] "Curse my polite ways" [chews delicately with watering eyes] "A gastronomic coup, Rolf."

  • Rolf: "Be careful Eddy, do not taunt the doodle!"

  • Edd: "It seems the fly has lodged itself into Eddy's voice box, disabling his ability to talk!"
    Ed: [yanks one of Eddy's hairs off of his head, Eddy squeals in pain] "Eddy can't talk!"

"Avast Ye Eds"

  • Ed: [pushing Edd hard in the tire swing] "Doughnuts are made for dunking!"
    Edd [uncomfortable]: "Ed! Eddy!"
    Ed: [pushes the tire swing harder] "Dunk the doughnut!"
    Edd: "I think I'm going to be ill!"
    Eddy: [impressed with Edd's swinging] "I'd pay a quarter for that! Higher, Ed!"

  • Kevin: "Are you dorks up to something?"
    Eddy: "What? Uh... we were just uh... launching our new luxury cruise line! For a small fee, we'll offer two lucky passengers a relaxing cruise. Look how relaxed Double D is. Who's in for the thrill of a lifetime?"

  • Eddy: "Is this thing on?"
    Edd: "Eddy, just speak into the mic."
    Eddy: "What, this?"
    Edd: "Yes!"
    Eddy: "Okay, okay. Welcome, passengers, I'm Captain Eddy of Eddy's Creek Cruise, where you get more bang for your buck. I'd like you to sit back, relax and enjoy the soothing sounds of Eighty-Eight fingers Eddward."
    Edd: "This instrument is so annoying." [starts to play the instrument perfectly]

  • Jimmy: "Eddy, you've run out of refreshments! And this rubber tube is giving me a rash."
    Eddy: "Hey kid, I'm on my break, d'you mind?"

  • Eddy: "Ed! Fire up the engine!"
    Ed: "Roger walnut, Eddy! Jump in!" [jumps down from crow's nest] "Kick my feet, kick my feet, kick my feet-"
    Eddy: "Faster, Ed!"
    Ed: "Kick my feet faster, kick my feet faster, kick my feet faster…"

  • Eddy: "Ed, do something!"
    Ed: "Ahoy!" [Ed pulls on his ear like a starting rope on an outboard motor, after two tries he fires up the "motor"]

  • Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys! When is the next sailing? My flesh begs me for sun and sweat!" [Edd hands Rolf the deflated inner tube] "What? Huh?"
    Edd: "I was kind of hoping my first kiss would be enjoyable."
    Eddy: "Alas, the sea is a cruel mistress."
    Ed:"I'm stuffed!"
    Jimmy: [floating by in the background] "Hair emergency! Hair emergency!"

Season 2

"Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed"

  • [Ed is playing with some socks, as if they were dinosaur puppets]
    Eddy: "Ed, pay attention! Here I see the ninth hole with a jump over the water and a spiral twist to the hole! Now, where to put the car rentals? Hmm."
    Ed: [still playing with his socks] "Devour, stinky sock. Blab, blab, blab, blab."
    Eddy: [to Ed] "Gimme those socks!"
    Ed: "Hmm?" [He blows a raspberry at Eddy.]
    Eddy: "Why, you...!"
    [Ed and Eddy fight with each other whilst Edd is busy creating the mini-golf obstacle]
    Edd: "I think I've done it!"
    [They're still fighting]
    Ed: "Double D! Donut!"
    Eddy: "Whoa!" [Drops down on the grass and grunts]
    Ed: "Can I lick the bowl, Double D?"
    [Edd plugs in the monster machine, causing it to activate and move its arms and jaws]
    Edd: "Voliá! The Eds' Miniature Golf Course is open for business!"
    Ed: "Cool!"
    Eddy: "Good work, Double D. The kids will line up for miles and we'll be independently secure. Let's break it in."
    Edd: "But Eddyyyyyyyyy!" [Eddy spins Edd like a tornado and spins out of sight]
    [Eddy puts the golf ball on Ed's head and grabs a golf club]
    Eddy: "Whoa!" [he tries to smack the ball but a piece of grass flies therefore the ball goes no distance. Eddy squeals. Ed's head is gone] "Oh, no!"
    [Ed comes out of his own jacket]
    Ed: "My turn!" [he sucks the ball in his mouth. Then he stands up, knocks Eddy to the ground and grabs the club. Ed spits the ball out and it stays in midair] "A-puh!" [he swings the club as if he was playing baseball. The club crashes the monster machine] "Fore!"
    Edd: "All that hard work."
    Eddy: "What planet are you from?"
    Ed: [hugging Eddy] "I come in peace, Eddy."

  • Ed: [finds Eddy's clothes lying on Edd's floor] "Oh no! Not Eddy! Take me, Lizard Man!"
    Edd: "What're Eddy's clothes doing on my floor? Is he running around naked again?"

  • Rolf: [finding out the cockroach is really Eddy] "Huh? This is no bug."
    Nazz: "Is that Eddy?"
    Kevin: "Hit him again!"

  • Edd: [seeing the time] "Oooh! My cocoons need tending!!"

  • Ed: "Am I the only human left? I am alone! I am hungry!"
    Edd: "Wait, Ed, I can make you a sandwich."

"Ready, Set... Ed!"

  • Edd: "Potatoes wouldn't aid us in any way, Ed!"

  • Eddy: [giving Double D a dark look] "What? Now you're some kind of psychic yardstick?"

  • Edd: [sighing] "There he goes again, involving you and I in his use of plural pronouns."
    Ed: [excited] "Plural pronouns!"

  • Rolf: "Now spin them around like a sick goat!"
    Nazz: [giggling] "You sure are Old World, Rolf."

  • Ed: "Can we visit the planet of baconmen and have the marrow sucked from our bones?"

  • [The Eds' rocket car has taken a hairy ride down an obstacle course, leaving the Ed's in pain]
    Ed: "I think I swallowed a turtle."
    Eddy: "What country are we in?"
    Edd: "We're home, Eddy. And we've broken everything but a record."
    Ed: "Can I wear a dress again?"

"Knock Knock Who's Ed?"

  • [Jimmy discovers a doll at the door]
    Jimmy: "Look, Sarah! A talking doll!"
    [Jimmy pulls the string on the back]
    Eddy [to Ed]: "Say something, stupid!"
    Ed: "My head is snoring, make it stop!"
    Jimmy: [screaming] "Sarah! Boogeyman!"

  • Edd: [after seeing Ed swallow then spray out the lime jelly pool] "Well, I think I'll skip lunch today."
    Eddy: "Let's take him home and hide him."

  • Eddy: [watching the enraged Sarah advance on him with distain] "What's Toulouse gonna do anyway? Finger paint me to death?"

  • Eddy: "Those twerps will regret the day they ever messed with this brain power!"
    Edd: "I believe we'll all be sorry for that, Eddy!"

  • Ed: [shamming a medical disaster] "Oh my liver! Oh my lasagna!"
    Edd: "Ed, lasagna isn't a major organ!"
    Ed: [somewhat surprised] "It isn't?"

  • Rolf: [stomping about on the sofa being carried away in the telling of an epic family event to the bored Eds] "Look! Great Nano's ashes still protect the lamb! As I was the first born male of the family it was placed upon me to carry the great Nano across the sea to this new land. It was a difficult journey for Rolf - Birdbrain Ed-boy sit down! My patience is thin and your head is fat! Under the cover of darkness we paddled across the sea in canoes made from our leather shoes, yes. A giant sea cucumber arose from the depths with one eye, blinking and blinking at Rolf like a sandwich! Am I boring you? The sea cucumber gurgled loudly like my father after eating cabbage. We had to devour the cucumber..." [the rest is lost as the Eds flee to the bathroom]

"One + One = Ed"

  • Ed [looking at Eddy's lava lamp]: "Why does goo float?"
    Eddy: "Hit the road!" [Ed eats his lava lamp] "My lamp!"
    Ed: "Eddy, why don't birds take a bus south for the winter?"

  • Ed: "Hello, light." [opens refrigerator and closes it, he does this all night until morning]
    Ed: "Eddy, carrots are good for your eyes, can they dial a phone?"
    Eddy: "Look, if you're gonna strain your peanut brain, think of something more important like how to get your face on a dollar bill."
    Ed: "Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?"
    Eddy: "Uh... Double D up yet?"

  • Ed: "My turn to jump on his head."

  • Ed: "Look at me run!" [slides into street to have his head under it, like a carpet] "Home free!"

  • Jimmy: [after his outline is pulled off] "Fate has dealt a cruel hand. Darn it!" [He turns into liquid and is washed away into the sewer]

  • Edd: "Don't look now, but there's a cow floating overhead. I feel uncomfortable."

  • Eddy: "Double D...we've learnt into fortune!"
    Edd: "Don't let the excitement spoil your grammar, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Look around, Double D! We've gotta be rich!"
    Sarah: [pops out of a floating doll house] "EVERYTHING'S BROKEN! FIX IT NOW!"
    Eddy: "Shut your mouth, Sarah! Or, better yet, get rid of it!" [Eddy takes Sarah's mouth off] "I love taking things apart." [Sarah's mouth bites Eddy's head] "GET HER OFF, DOUBLE D!" [Sarah can be seen shaking her fist at Eddy in the distance]
    Edd: "Not a chance!"

  • Edd: "Did you eat the sun again, Eddy?"
    Ed: "Can you guess what I'm doing?"
    Eddy: "Get off my foot, Ed!"
    Edd: "I think we're moving."
    [Zooms out showing that they're in the pupil of Kevin's eye]
    Kevin: "I can hear dorks, but I can't see dorks. Come on out and show yourselves! Whoa!"

  • Rolf: "Not again! How many times must Rolf purge himself? No strange visitors. Ever!" [takes Wilfred out of Gertrude's pin and brings him to a mound of garbage] "Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."

  • Ed [whilst picking up a cloud] "Cotton gravy!"
    Edd: "Careful, Ed! You don't know where that's been."
    Ed: "Oh, it's right here, Double D!"

  • Rolf: "This reminds Rolf of a fable from his own country - the story of the ugly boy and the tree of heads."

  • Eddy: "If we knew everything, we would be so famous! Yeah, and rich!"
    Ed: "Like potato salad?"

  • Edd: "We could very well be the next cover story of 'Intellectual Discoveries Magazine'!"
    Eddy: [unimpressed] "Good thing you're housebroken."

"Know it All Ed"

  • [The Eds are playing in the junkyard]
    Eddy: "I'm the king of the castle, and you're a dirty--"
    Ed and Edd: "DOGPILE!"

  • [The Eds find a box containing turkey basters]
    Eddy: "What we have here is a squirt gun."
    Edd: "Please, a squirt gun?"
    Eddy: "What? Yeah, a Canadian squirt gun."
    Ed: "Canadians are weird!"

  • Ed: "I am a whale - an endangered mammal. Hug me."

  • Ed: [looking at the turkey basters] "Oh look! A whole box of alien exploratory probes, dropped off in an attempt to save fuel during a mutiny of pulsing brain mutants."
    Eddy: [looking at Ed with despair] "I think that eyebrow's too heavy for his head."

  • Edd: [freaking out with his powerful weapon] "Oh I feel it! I feel the adrenaline, Eddy baby!"
    Eddy: "Double D! Double D! Relax, will ya? It’s a toy, from Canada. How embarrassing."

  • Edd: [panicking upon seeing three rectangular pits carved into the ground, resembling graves] "Someone doesn't have much confidence in us."
    Eddy: "Relax, will ya? They're just trying to scare us. Come on."
    Rolf: [enters the area with three pigs after the Eds walk off] "Rolf has broken his back and made you new mud pits. Thank you very much."

"Dear Ed"

  • Ed: "Not to mention a duck!"
    Edd & Eddy: "Huh?"
    Ed: "What?"
    Edd: "Huh?"
    Ed: "When?"
    Eddy: "Uh..."
    Edd: "Ed."
    Ed: "Why?" [Ed and Eddy stare at him]

  • Eddy: [laughing] "Bob spiked it!"
    Ed: "Wow, Bob's good for a cone."
    Jonny: "Did it leave a mark? I don't like Bob!"

  • Jonny: [pointing at Salty Sam] "HE'S MAD, I TELL YA! MAD!"

"Hands Across Ed"

  • Ed: "Ha ha ha. I can tie my shoes, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Like the knot in your head, Ed?"

  • Rolf: [watching the Eds fall out of the tree] "Rolf is not amused you - how do you say it… ducks?"
    Kevin: "Dorks."
    Rolf: "Yes, that is what I said."
    Kevin: "No. You said-"
    Rolf: [interrupting] "Ducks. See? Ducks."

  • Jonny: "Plank tells jokes." [to Plank] "Knock 'em dead, buddy!"
    Jonny: [laughing] "That's a good one! You're killing me!"
    Eddy: "Next!"

  • Edd: [recoiling from Nazz's tuba blast] "Nazz singlehandedly annihilated all that is music."
    Eddy: [ignoring Edd and staring at Nazz] "Yeah."

  • Rolf: "I will be performing my country's traditional dance of the hairless otter."
    Eddy: "Cut! There's no budget for subtitles."

  • Eddy: "A phone call should come up any time."
    Kevin: "Like my lunch!"

  • Kevin: [imitating Eddy] "Oooh, welcome to the dork telethon. I'm your twerp host Eddy, won't you please help my poor and hairy friend?"
    Rolf: "Ya, please help me for my eyebrow is growing like a garden weed."

  • Ed: "Kinda funky, huh guys?"

"Floss Your Ed"

  • [Ed has just hurt his tooth attempting to bite a coconut]
    Ed: [spitting out the coconut] "AHH! MY TOOTH HURTS! For real."

  • Rolf: "It is stubborn like an ingrown back hair!"

  • Kevin: "Man! What a diehard!"
    Rolf: "Your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft!"

"In Like Ed"

  • Eddy: [after seeing Ed make weird noises while pretending to be a motor car] "Did you eat breakfast this morning, Ed?" [grabs a blender from a box] "Here, give this to Double D to put on the table."
    Ed: "Service is my middle toe! Check please!"
    Eddy: "You should've ate breakfast Ed."

  • Ed: "It's for my table, Eddy! Car door - only 5 cents. Dad's canoe - 20 cents. Mom's dryer - only 15 cents." [throwing a huge pile of objects onto his table] "No price will be refused at Honest Ed's!" [rips table that everything is sitting on off of itself] "Table - 5 cents." [it collapses] "London Bridge is falling!"

  • Ed: "Um, Double D?" [holds up coat hanger] "What's this do?"
    Edd: "That's just a coat hanger, Ed."
    Ed: "Oh. Mum's the word."

  • Kevin: [after spotting Ed disguising himself as a bird bath] "I think Ed found his calling in life, huh, Rolf?"
    Rolf: "Ed-boy reminds me to water my yams."
    Kevin: "Yams. Good one!"
    Rolf: "This is no joke."
    Kevin: "You're killing me!"

  • Rolf: [spotting Eddy gatecrashing the party] "You have an invitation, over-dressed Ed-boy?"
    Eddy: [trying for suave] "The crow caws at midnight."
    Rolf: [unmoved] "And the cat sours the basil. Rolf would love to talk politics but I must see your invitation."
    Eddy: "No problem stretch… Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip?"
    Rolf: [confused] "Nana?"

  • Edd: "Curse these short legs!"

  • Ed: [delighted as the other kids - all covered in baking soda - angrily advance] "Oh cool! This reminds me of the movie 'Zombies from the Deep Freeze - A Cash Cow'. This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice cube trays, and frozen and used to cool their drinks!"
    Edd: "Non-alcoholic, I hope?"

"Who Let the Ed In?"

  • [Edd finds one of Ed's comics while Eddy pursues Ed and "Jib"]
    Eddy: [exhausted] "What's up with that guy?"
    Edd: "Comics, Eddy. They're poison for the brain."

  • [Edd and Eddy try to ask Jonny about imaginary friends]
    Jonny: "Imaginary friend? What's that?"

  • Edd: [ticked at Eddy's impatience] "I fail to see the correlation between ready and complete, Eddy!"
    Eddy: "Don't get your sock in a knot, Mr. Perfecto."

  • Eddy: [to Ed] "Are you counting your teeth again?"

  • Ed: [to Jib] "Your fly is open! Think again zombie mind muncher from mucus mansion!"

  • Jimmy: [looking at the prize grabber] "Did it fall off a truck?"
    Sarah: "That's how my brother was born!"

"Rambling Ed"

  • Ed: "It wasn't me, Sarah, I always put to the seat down!"
    Jimmy: "The cavalry has arrived!"
    Sarah: "What's your sock doing in my room?!"
    Ed: "Sleeping?"
    Sarah: "Pick it up before I tell Mom!"

  • Eddy: [sees Ed in the kitchen with Sarah's dolls] "Ed, what are you doing?!"
    Ed: "Dressing the dolly. Oh, look at the pretty hat, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Ed, if she told you to jump in the lake with a rock tied to your head, and wait for naked photos of you to develop so she can hand 'em out to all the kids of the cul-de-sac, would you?!"
    Ed: "I had socks on Eddy."

    The Eds: "Hiya, Rolf!"
    Rolf: "Do not talk to Rolf as though all is forgotten, fortune teller Ed-boys! You have besmirched Rolf with your scram!"
    Eddy: "Um, I think you mean 'scam'."

  • Rolf: "What are you doing in the trough of food spoils!?"
    Ed: "I'm hot tubbin'!"
    Rolf: [his pointing finger gets jammed into Ed's mouth] "DO NOT FRAZZLE ROLF!" [more calmly] "Please do not contaminate the food, as pigs eat from it!"

  • Rolf: "May shower scum devour your head!"

  • Rolf: "May your nose fester with the rage of olives!"

  • Rolf: [noticing Eddy luxuriating on his tree stump] "Ed Boy."
    Eddy: "What's up, Stretch?"
    Rolf: [hiding his anger] "Do you like being a guest at the house of Rolf and, you know, make lazy on Rolf's stump?" [starts to get angry]
    Eddy: [unaffected] "What're yam kidding? It's great!"

  • Ed: [getting dragged by a cow] "I'm a cowboy!"
    Rolf: [calmly] "A burden has been placed on Rolf."

  • Rolf: "Ah, the beast has stopped, nighty night, Rolf." [notices smoke and goes to the kitchen] "Smoke?! What?!"
    Eddy: [cooking] "You haven't lived 'till you've tried one of my omelets."
    Edd: [giving Rolf a grapefruit and a newspaper] "Good morning, Rolf. Fresh fruit and the morning paper to start your day?"
    Ed: "Hey, neighbor." [Rolf puts a terror face and Ed is covered with toilet paper] "You wouldn't happen to have any paper I can borrow?" [gets a sink out] "Oh, can I borrow this sink?"
    Eddy: "I need ketchup for my eggs, Rolfy-Boy."
    Ed: "Anyone got a breath mint?"

  • The Eds: "1, 2, 3!" [They topple the shed.]
    Ed: "Cool! Let's do it again!"
    [Rolf lifts up the shed door.]
    Rolf: "Having fun with my shed, Ed boys?!" [He angrily leaps into the shed.]
    Edd: "Is all well, Rolf?"
    Ed: "Wipe your feet, please."
    Rolf: [ripping his shirt off in complete rage] "YOU HAVE BROKEN THE CELERY STALK ON THE BACK OF A SEA URCHIN!"
    Eddy: "What'd he say?"

  • Rolf: "The yeast has risen and shows me the future of the couch-creature Ed-boys. Do you hear it? The spirit of the rind speaks."
    Ed: "What does it say?"
    Eddy: [sarcastically] "Yeah, tell us, O Swami!"
    Rolf: "Ah, it says that your day will begin by..." [shows his muscles and a fist] "CLEANING MY PIG PEN!!"
    [The Eds scream and hop to.]
    Rolf: [happy to see the Eds working for him] "Also your future will hold that you de-lice the chickens, and shake the dew from the tree, and brush the hair of the back of Rolf!"
    Edd: [panicking] "Gloves! I need gloves!"
    Ed: "Pumpkins sure are bossy."
    Eddy: "Shut up, Ed!"

"Home Cooked Eds"

  • Lee: "Slide over! We're watching infomercials."
    [She turns on the TV, revealing the nervous Eds on the screen.]
    Eddy: "Uh… we use Ed's Stench-Away Deodorant; keeps me dry and fresh."
    [Eddy rubs Ed on Edd's armpit.]
    Lee: "That junk wrecked my clothes."
    Marie: "Gimme that!"
    [Marie changes the channel, and the Eds look nervous again. Edd imitates a siren.]
    Eddy: "Backup! Requesting backup!"
    Ed: "I wanna drive, Eddy!"
    [Ed puts his face to the screen.]
    Ed: "Beep! Transfer, please!"

  • [Jonny has just rescued Plank from the Kankers' trailer.]
    May: "Give me back my back scratcher!"
    Jonny: "Scratch this!"
    [Jonny and Plank kick the slingshot, sending the Kankers flying. They land on Kevin's fence.]
    Kevin: "What's a trailer doing on my–TRAILER?!" [pushing the trailer towards Eddy's lawn] "Stay off my lawn!"
    [Edd and Eddy attempt to push the trailer back to Kevin.]
    Ed: "Uh, Kevin! There's a-" [stops himself] "Oh, I guess you already know."
    Marie: "Now this is what I call a vacation."
    [The couch slides as the trailer tilts towards Kevin, then Eddy and Edd, then Kevin...]
    Lee: "Just like the cruise Mom took!"
    [The couch slides again.]
    May: [feeling unwell] "I don't feel so good."
    Eddy: "THEY'RE YOURS!"
    Kevin: "NO WAY! YOURS!"
    Eddy: "ED! HELP!"
    Ed: "One plus one equals one on a bun."
    Edd & Eddy: [almost crushed] "ED!"

"To Sir with Ed"

  • [Eddy is in his room.]
    Eddy: "Hey, mom! Is dinner ready yet?!"

  • Nazz: "This is not cool! Bedtime NOW, mister!"

"Key to My Ed"

  • Ed: "No problem. I have a key." [putting his arm through one of his pant legs] "I think it fell out of this hole in my pants."
    Eddy: [looking at the key] "Ed, you idiot! This is your key!!"

  • Ed: "Did I go somewhere?"
    Eddy: "Nah. Just rest that empty little head, Ed."

"Honor Thy Ed"

  • Edd: "Grass, paper plates, and crayons for cheese a taco does not make, Eddy!"

  • Ed: [swallowing the blue crayon] "Tart, yet crusty."

  • Eddy: "Wow, that's the first time I've seen anyone guzzle my brother's Armenian secret hot sauce."
    Edd: [apparently refreshed] "It certainly rid me of that horrible non-toxic waxy aftertaste."
    Ed: "My mom says not to pick my bellybutton."

  • Edd: [hearing Jimmy] "Oh dear, a shriek of terror!"
    Ed: "Dad's home!"

  • Ed: "This looks like the haunted house in 'I was a cotton swab in Madame Tonnage's earwax museum - the mini series'." [imitating movie] "I am the cotton swab! Release the wax, ear person!"
    Edd: "You're scaring me more than usual, Ed. Please pull Eddy loose so we can leave!"

  • Eddy: [in a spooky voice] "Double D, let me poke your brain." [He laughs evilly, and Edd faints.]
    Ed: "You scared Double D, Eddy."
    Eddy: "I did, didn't I? Come on, I got an idea."

  • Ed: [seeing a slumped model of himself] "Who's that good looking guy?"
    Eddy: [sourly] "Get some glasses, Ed."

  • The Kankers: "Here come the brides!" [May gives out a wolf whistle]

  • Kevin: [seeing the wedding wagon pass] "Check out the dorkbusters! I'd hate to see their kids!"

"Scrambled Ed"

  • Edd [feeling tired]: "Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy..."

  • Sarah "I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead." [examining Edd] "He's worser than I thought. His brain's broken!"
    Jimmy "Holy smoke! Brain surgery!"

  • Rolf "Never use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters."

  • Rolf "If we do not find dry land soon, I will have to feast upon your succulent...noggin."

"Urban Ed"

  • Ed: [eager to promote his role in the scam] "I helped too, Jonny! I was the balloon guy!"

  • Ed: [goggling at the other kids relaxing] "What a gaggle of sadsacks!"

  • Ed: [excited about traffic in the city] "Oh! When you bump into cars they go 'whoo whoo! Barp barp!'"

  • Rolf: [hanging out mega-sized underwear] "Aah, a merciless beating with a stick has cleansed Nana's pantaloons fresh." [hears the racket of city construction] "What is this that fouls the calm of the cul-de-sac?"
    Kevin: "Hey, Rolf! Your dad shearing sheep again? Keep it down!"
    Rolf: "This sound is a mystery to Rolf, as is your mockery of my father's leisure delight."
    Sarah: "Hey! Keep it down or I'm calling the cops! How are we supposed to play with all this racket?!"

  • [The kids see the Eds have built a city]
    Kevin: "Hoo-rah! The dorks did something cool for once."

  • Eddy: [plopping spoonfuls of pigeons droppings aka yogurt onto Nazz below] "Coo coo coo!"
    Ed: "Oink! Oink!"
    Eddy: "Pigeon's don't go oink, Ed!"
    Ed: "I'm a gazelle! Oink!"

  • Eddy: [watching Ed drop an anvil onto Edd and Nazz below] "Ed! You're gonna hurt someone! This ain't a cartoon!"

  • Edd: [after getting clobbered by Nazz] "Curse my chivalrous ways."

  • Ed: "Let's drive to the city, fellas!"
    Edd: "We're to young to drive, Ed."
    Ed: "My dad has a shovel."

  • Rolf: [horrified by the homemade stop lights] "What barbarian would hang a milk box from a string?"
    Sarah: "Geez, Rolf, that's a traffic signal."

  • Rolf: [choking on traffic fumes] "The city air is thick like Nano's toenail."

  • Ed: "Smokey's on my tail!"

  • Rolf: [after jumping the queue for a tattoo & being attacked by Sarah] "Have mercy, rabid youth!"
    Jimmy: "Sarah's in trouble, and needs the help of the boy with a snake on his head!" [proceeds into the fight]
    Sarah: "Jimmy, careful of his hairy back! Hold him for me."

  • Jonny: "Boy, Plank, ever get the feeling you might as well be talking to a piece of wood?" [Plank's not around] "Plank? Plank?! Not you too!"

  • Edd: [after being mangled by the kids] "It was horrible Eddy! Look what they did to my shirt!"

  • Ed: [watching Edtropolis collapse] "Dominoes! Lets do it again! Here, hold this." [puts the worm in Eddy's shirt]
    Eddy: "Ed, I don't want it! Double-D, get a net! It's crawling!"

  • Jonny: [riding off into the sunset with Plank in his cart] "I missed you too buddy, but if you ever do that again I'll glue you to a rock. It's a joke, Plank!"

"Stop, Look and Ed"

  • [Ed is smacking his face against some mud]
    Ed: "I'm a woodpecker." [continues to smack his face into the mud] "'Cept with dirt."

  • Edd: "Okay! That's it! I'm gonna give you such a thrashing!" [Edd's hat comes off]
    Eddy: "Jeez, Louise!"
    Ed: "Cool."
    Edd: [puts hat back on his head] "If you say one word to anyone, I'll never speak to you again!"
    Ed: [wearing a skull on his head, tossing garbage from the wastebasket] "I am dead from the neck up!"
    Eddy: "I'll just save it and use it for ammo when I need you, Double D."
    Ed: "Eddy is always a step ahead."

  • Eddy: [to Ed who wants to start the propeller] "Hang onto your neck, Orville".

  • Eddy: [after being hit by the out of control machine] "That's my waffle."

  • Jimmy: [clinging to the satellite] "Space junk attack! Darn - my perfectly manicured nails."

  • Edd: "Excuse me but has my shirt become a doormat for everyone's filthy shoes?"

  • Ed: "Why is Double D wearing pantyhose on his head?"

  • Rolf: "Why do you hinder Rolf's drudgery, three-haired Ed-boy? If my chores are not complete, I will be banished to the..." [gulp] "...cupboard!"


  • Eddy: "Man, those cookies are getting crispy!"
    Ed: [the top part of Jimmy's oven blows up] "Wait my brain is working!"

  • Kevin: [Jonny's house is destroyed after Ed broke a support beam] "You guys are in so much trouble!"
    Eddy: "Tell me about it, I lost my money."

  • Eddy: "Oh yeah, well they'll never catch..." [takes off his sauna uniform, unveiling his costume from earlier] "...The Flying Eduardo Brothers!"
    Edd: "You're still wearing that thing?"

  • Eddy: [bursting in on Jimmy and his broken oven] "No joke when it's broke, don't be blue. Let Ed's Quick Repair Service fix it and you won't sue!"
    Edd: "You should have hired someone to fix that rhyme, Eddy!"

  • Rolf: [to Edd] "Close the curtain, as it is colder than my Nana's wooden leg!"

"Shoo Ed"

  • [Jonny is seen hiding in a birdhouse]
    Jonny: "YEE HAW!!"
    Jimmy: "Sarah, he's gonna scare the swallows."
    Sarah: "Jonny, get out of there!"
    Jonny: "Why?"
    Sarah: "Cause I said so."
    Jonny: "Why?"
    Sarah: "Cause your bugging us!"
    Jonny: "Why?"
    Sarah: "CAUSE YOU'RE STUPID!!"
    Jonny: "Why?"
    Jimmy: "Why doesn't he just go away?"

  • Eddy: "Double D, provoke our creation."
    Edd: "Boy, Eddy, provoke? Those tutoring lessons must be paying off."

  • [Edd is trying to calm Jonny down with a broom, in preparation of annoying Rolf]
    Jonny: "Poke, poke! Why? Why? Why? YEE HAW!"

  • Rolf: "Run for your no-good lives!"

"Ed in a Halfshell"

  • Eddy: [promoting] "Whaddya think, Kev? Gerbil for a day! Only 25 cents for 25 seconds and we'll throw in this free salt lick. Limited quantity - better move fast."
    Kevin: [taking salt lick] "Let's check it out."
    Eddy: "Watch it! Those sweaty hands may leave marks."

  • Edd: [horrified at Eddy's suggestion they play dodgeball] "Eddy! Wait! Dodgeball has no educational value whatsoever."
    Eddy: "Whaddya talking about? It builds character – puts hair on your chest."
    Jimmy: "Hairy chests are so Neanderthal."

  • Edd: [quaking in terror as Eddy aims the ball] "Eddy! Wait! I have a history with this game." [gulps] "I see flashes, Eddy. Deep rooted images … tentacles … strangulating every rational nerve. Oh! I'm reliving it, Eddy!
    Eddy: [draws face on ball] "But it's got your face on it, Double D."
    Edd: "Listen to me, Eddy! Eddy? It's gym class all over again!"

  • Ed: "There Jimmy, your turn to hurt Eddy."
    Eddy: [sarcastically talking about Jimmy inflicting pain on him] "Oh! This guy's gonna murder me! Somebody please save me!"

  • Eddy: [dreaming of how Jimmy can be "bettered" into Eddy #2 and thus double the income] "A mirror image, one exactly like the other, two peas in a pod, two humps on a camel, a dynamic duo, a pair of underwear-"
    Edd: "A pair of underwear is one item, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Same thing."

  • Edd: "Hurry, Ed."
    Ed: "Shhh. My yeast is rising."
    Edd: [pause] "Nut loaf, Ed?"

  • Rolf: "Kevin is good at wienering, yes?"
    Kevin: "That's hotdoggin', Rolf."
    Jimmy: [timer rings] "Time's up, Kevin."
    Kevin: [jumps off the trampoline] "That could've been more than 25 seconds!"
    Jimmy: "Take it to the back of the line, bub!" [Kevin walks to the back of the line of Jimmy's scam] "OK! Cough up the dough Rolfie-Boy."

  • Rolf: [to Jimmy] "Has anyone ever told you your hair resembles the backside of a chicken?"

  • Eddy: [enraged by Jimmy's refusal to share the cash] "You thankless little… if it wasn't for me you'd be planting posies!"
    Jimmy: "Tell it to the judge!"
    Eddy: "Oh, he's good."

  • Sarah: "Oh, Ed."
    Ed: "Yes, oh obnoxious little sister of mine?"
    Sarah: [holds up a model rocket] "See what I've got?"
    Ed: [screaming] "That is my 1/32 scale Planet Orbital Retractor #2 model rocket!"
    Sarah: "Take care of Jimmy, or I'll pulverize your stupid model. Got it!?"

"Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed"

  • [Ed is seen standing on thin air]
    Edd and Eddy: "Come back, Ed!"
    Ed: "I can jump it, guys!"
    Edd and Eddy: "No, Ed!!" [They pull him back before he could even jump]
    Edd: "Now what?"
    Eddy: "I'm thinking, I'm thinking..."
    Ed: "Can I think?"
    Edd and Eddy: "NO!"

  • [Jonny is seen wearing trash cans on his arms, and acting as if he was a fly]
    Jonny: "Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny! Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny! Buzz, buzz-"
    [Jonny crashes into tree whilst the other kids, excluding Nazz, are laughing]
    Nazz: "You shouldn't have dared Jonny to buzz off, Kevin."

  • Ed: "Eddy, truth or dare?"
    Eddy: "Okay, dare, Ed."
    Ed: "Okay, Eddy. I dare you to spread the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling Row Row Row Your Boat through a car wash."
    Edd: "Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please."
    Ed: "OK, I dare Eddy to be Double-D."

"Hot Buttered Ed"

  • Jimmy: [annoyed by the Eds' behavior] "Savages."

  • Nazz: [watching the Eds go by] "Hi Eddy! Hi, Double D."
    Ed: [answering before she can say anything] "Hello, Ed."

  • [It's sunset, and the Eds have just discovered that they've got sunburn]
    Ed: "I am a lizard. I have changed colors!! I have become CHAMELEON MAN!" [turns to Eddy] "You can be my sidekick, Frogmouth Kid!! And Double D is our butler, ummm...Double D!!"

"High Heeled Ed"

  • Ed: "I smell waffles, guys!"
    Eddy: "Shut up, Ed!" [Eddy grabs him and pulls him out of the sewer]

  • Eddy: "Relax, sockhead! All we have to do is find our more sensitive side." [Tickles Edd]
    Ed: "I found my sensitive cause it has a rash."
    Eddy: [makes a disgusted noise]
    Edd: [sarcastically] "Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed."
    Eddy: "Now what do girls like?"
    Ed: "Sarah likes to watch me eat yogurt from my belly-button."
    Edd: "Before Ed fills my head with anymore disturbing images, I suggest a study."

  • Ed: "I am an Ed-a-puss 'cause I'm-"
    Eddy: "He hasn't paid yet block-head."

  • Ed: [After losing his pants] "Spending an extended time in female company can be both mentally irritating and physically confusing."
    Eddy: "What's up with you?"
    Edd: "Ed's trouserless state seems to have jarred an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain."
    Eddy: "Ed, is that you?"
    Ed: "Hug me!"
    Eddy: "Well that didn't last long!"
    Ed: "Hug!" [hugs Eddy]
    Eddy: "Ed!" [He escapes over a fence]
    Ed: "Double D my friend."
    Edd: "Please Ed. Ed, no wait! Eddy" [He climbs over the fence]
    Ed: [breaking the fence] "Hug guys!"
    Edd: "Ed, you're in your underwear!"
    Ed: "Okay, I feel loved now."


  • Edd: "We're not allowed to play up here, fellows." [Ed and Eddy continue to sneak into other rooms] "I repeat, upstairs is off limits!"

  • Ed: [pretending to be Edd's father] "That is right, son. A mind is a terrible organ to shovel."

  • Eddy: "Get over it, it's July! Anyways, Christmas stinks. All I ever get is clothes."
    Ed: "That's because Santa knows you're a naughty little boy, Eddy."
    Eddy [after attempting to bite Ed's hand]: "Santa don't know squat!"
    Ed [Holding Eddy by the mouth] "DON'T EVER SAY THAT, EDDY!! He's making his list and checking it twice."

  • [The Eds are singing Christmas carols in order to get money]
    The Eds [singing]: "We made you laugh, so give up your cash and cheer will come your way!"
    The Eds [singing]: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la, give us cash or we'll never stop singing, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la."

  • The Eds [singing]: "We wish you a merry Christmas! We-" [Eddy and Edd stop singing when they see Rolf's pajamas]
    Ed: "Wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Christmas! So give us some cash!"

"Cry Ed"

  • Ed: "Look up my nose and see your future."

  • Jonny: "Boy Eddy, you're a mess!"
    Eddy: "Oh, is that you Jonny? It was horrible." [fake cough] "It came out of nowhere." [fake cough] "Did I say it was horrible?"
    Ed: "Horrible it was! A giant Swedish meatball with a blood-curdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling ground chuck." [does a swallowing sound over and over]
    Rolf: "I have seen this meatball! It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!"
    The Kids: "Oooh!"

  • [Jimmy has just been bandaged up by Sarah, and tries to catch up with her]
    Ed: [disguised as a bush] "Meatball!"
    [Jimmy is taken into the bush]
    Edd: [setting Jimmy up into a bubble suit] "We're here to help, Jimmy. For yours and Eddy's sake."

Season 3

"Wish You Were Ed"

  • Rolf: [sitting on Wilfred] "Feast your eyes on Rolf's hot shot wagon! Very spicy, no?"
    Kevin: "I've got heartburn."
    Rolf: "Easy come, easy go - as Rolf will make you eat his fried onions. A race I say!"

  • Kevin: [to Jonny] "Quit hogging the road, Quirky!"

  • Jimmy: [on the start line] "Victory, thy name is Jimmy."
    Kevin: "Where to dude?"
    Rolf: "We race to the fermented cane outlet!"
    Others: "Huh? What'd he say?"
    Rolf: "Curse this modern expression, how do you say … the candy store?"

  • Ed: "Rolf is homesick, Eddy"
    Eddy: "Where'd you come from?"
    Ed: "Blame my parents, Eddy."

  • Rolf: [kneeling before the "wishing" shoe] "Is there a manual for this?"

  • Rolf: [after drinking water out of the well and spitting out a large bug] "The water is fouled with infestation. My wish has been granted! The son of a shepherd has returned!"

"Momma's Little Ed"

  • Ed: "I cut the air in two, Double D!"

  • Eddy: "It's gonna take me forever to fix this air."

  • Rolf: [after hearing Wilfred squeal in the front yard] "Wilfred? Are you eating Rolf's hose again?!"

  • Rolf: "Hello, Ed Boys. Why must you spoil Wilfred with this lavish monkey suit? This will only leave him to search for a life as an airline steward."

"Once Upon an Ed"

  • Edd: "I don't have a good feeling about this."
    Ed: "I don't have any feeling at all."

  • Edd: "Pure fiction, Eddy! Your exaggerated tale can only be described as cockamayne!"
    Ed: "Tsk tsk tsk... I have never heard such language."

  • Eddy: [irritated] "I gotta cramp listening to you."

  • Edd: "Now, if someone would just redirect their foot-" [tries to maneuver into a more comfortable position] "-I'd be happy to tell Jonny the story."

"For Your Ed Only"

  • [The Eds have just tied Kevin to a tree, in an attempt to hide Sarah's diary]
    Kevin: "You guys have reached a new low in dork history!"
    Eddy: "Jealous? Hasta la vista!" [runs off laughing]
    Edd: "I do apologize for the abrupt accommodations, Kevin. C'est la vie!" [runs off to join Ed and Eddy]
    Kevin: "This show needs subtitles."

  • Rolf: [to Sarah] "The space beneath the rock is vacant, she who gives migranes."

  • [Edd is attempting to seal his mouth with duck tape after saying some underhanded idea to Eddy]
    Edd: "Betrayed by my own vocabulary!"

  • Ed: "I'm in my happy place, Double-D."

  • Ed: "It's Sarah! We are so doomed, help me guys. She will tell mom, and mom will tell dad, and he will say 'not now I just got home from work!' I'm not in my happy place guys!"

"It Came From Outer Ed"

  • Ed: "Evil Tim's got Eddy."
    Eddy [from window]: "Up here, blockhead!"

  • Ed: "We have to find rotten spaghetti noodles!"

  • Edd: "Ed, these rocks are quite large in mass, and will require significant force in order to transport." [slows down speech while realizing that Ed isn't following along]
    Ed: [pushes Edd] "Right over on the 'X', Double D."

  • Ed: "Now, Double D. It is very important that you give Eddy these pancakes."
    Edd: [grabbing hold of the pancakes and giving them to Eddy] "Okay, Ed. Here, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Pancakes give me gas."

  • Edd: "Ed, somewhere along the way I think you lost your train of thought. Your plan is irrational, mottled, and inconsequential." [sees Ed pulling out a dog treat and eating it] "Is that a doggie-treat you're consuming?"
    Ed: [with a mouthful of the treat] "What's the rock for, Double D?"
    Edd: [stares in utter disbelief, then drops the rock on his foot] "Ouch!"

  • Rolf: "Ed Boy has bitten the belly of a stuffed hand cloth!" [pulls out giant clam] "Quickly! We must seek encouragement in the bosom of Bobo!"
    Nazz: "If you think I'm getting in that thing-"
    Rolf: [grabs Nazz] "You will doom us all!"

"3 Squares and an Ed"

  • [Sarah and Jimmy encounter Jonny, who is dressed up as a leprechaun, whereas Plank is a four-leafed cover]
    Jonny [in an Irish accent]: "Howdy! Howdy! Catch me, and I'll give you me pot of gold."

  • [Eddy notices that Ed's stairs are gone]
    Ed: "My parents took 'em down because I am grounded."
    Edd: "That's disturbing."

  • Edd: [to a sour-faced Eddy]: "Try to contain yourself, Eddy. The adrenalin of irreverence can be quite overwhelming." [in a hushed whisper] "We're soooo bad!"

  • Edd: "And arachnids, Eddy."
    Eddy: "You have peanuts in your basement, Double D?"

  • Eddy: [smug] "Jonny'll do anything for a handful of granola."

  • Jimmy: [recoiling in horror at Ed's dinner]: "Buttered toast with gravy? Can you believe this?"

  • Eddy: [seeing Ed panicking] "Keep your shorts on." [he sees Ed's shorts are slumped down around his ankles] "No, seriously, Ed, keep your shorts on."

  • Sarah: [pretends to be cheerful, and picks Ed up by the chin] "Guess what, big brother?" [mood changes to enraged] "I'm telling Mom!"

  • Edd: [on the can-phone with Eddy] "It's not all bad, Eddy. Three days with my ants and-"
    Eddy: [interrupts Edd] "Three days?! What makes you so special?!"

  • Jimmy: [gleeful] "It's the end of rainbow, leprechaun! Hand over that pot of gold."
    Jonny: "Nope. Up to the fake rainbow, that's all you get for one handful, pal."
    Jimmy: [devastated] "My fantasy. Crushed by an imp!"

"Dueling Eds"

  • Eddy: "What could be more important than 'Master Eddy's'?"

  • Rolf: "In a duel, two must fight, two, duel, duel, two Why do you not fight Rolf?!?!?!
    Eddy: "Oh, is it my turn?"
    Rolf: "Hit Rolf!"
    [Eddy tries to smack Rolf with the fish, but Rolf hits him first and throws him off the log]
    Rolf: "The honor for Rolf's ancestors have been avenged! Thank you."
    Edd: "Eddy?"
    Kevin [after Eddy's duel with Rolf] "Want a copy for future dork reference?" [laughs and walks away with his video camera]

  • [Following this duel, The Eds are sharing a celebration with Rolf, by having their pants filled with eels]
    Rolf: "Come, Kevin! Join us in our jubilation."
    Kevin [in disgust]: "I'll pass, dude."
    Rolf [offended]: "Son of a gun! You insult Rolf by denying the eels?!"
    Edd: "Ooh! Aren't you enjoying this, Ed?"
    Ed [scratching himself]: "I feel weird guys, I think I'm allergic to eels."
    [symptoms take place, as Ed's body is shaped as a fish]
    Ed: "Could somebody scratch my scales?"

  • Jonny: "Hey hydrant, your flies are undone! Boy, hydrants are slower than molasses, huh, Plank?"
    [multiple Eddy's drop from the trees]
    Jonny: "I think I'm reliving that expired tofu, Plank!"

  • Ed: "I am one with my shoe size, Double D!"

  • Rolf: "Try one Ed-Boy. Mama's sea cucumber balls are good for the digestion spout."

  • Eddy: [to Edd] "What's your problem?"
    Ed: "It's his hat Eddy, he always wears it and he talks forever about stuff, not to mention his obsession with cleanliness."

  • Eddy: [dumbly staring at the assortment of fish and trying to choose one to duel with]
    Ed: "Holy mackerel."
    Edd: "Yes. I believe you're right, Ed."

  • Rolf: "If this is true, have you brought the Cupcakes of Sorriness?"
    Eddy: [hesitantly] "N-no."

"Dim Lit Ed"

  • Edd: "ROLF!"
    Rolf: [confused] "Hello?"
    Edd: [seeing Rolf chewing on something] "Get rid of that gum."
    Rolf: "This is no gum. It is the grease from Papa's foot soakings."
    Edd: [mad] "NOW!"

  • [Eddy is doing a pet shop scam, and tries to sell Kevin a belt, which is believed to be a snake. However, Jonny buys it]
    Jonny: "SOLD!"
    Edd: [muttering to himself] "I'm surrounded by idiots."
    Eddy: "Who's complainin'?"

"Will Work for Ed"

  • Rolf [to Eddy]: "Rolf requires one with the backbone of a yak. This is no job for a jellyfish like yourself."

  • Rolf: [upon seeing Eddy in an awkward position] "May I borrow your rump? Yes, thank you."

  • [Ed is about to start work at Rolf's farm, but attempts to get there by car]
    Edd: "Ed, no! You're too young to drive!"

  • Eddy [ranting]: "Rolf's a jerk, ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk, ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk-"
    Jonny [interrupts Eddy]: "We hate broccoli!"
    Eddy [continues]: "-ain't gonna work."

  • Eddy [to Edd]: "Go blow your whistle, Mr. Referee. I got a nuisance to make out of myself."
    Edd: "He's so stubborn." [Rolf opens the door before Edd knocks] "Oh, hello, Rolf."
    Eddy [ranting again]: "Rolf's a jerk, ain't-" [Eddy then sees Rolf let Ed and Edd in] "Rolf's letting him in!"

"Ed, Ed and Away"

  • Ed: [the Eds ram into a chicken] "CHICKEN!" [then a pig (most likely Wilfred)] "Pig!" [then a cow, and the Ed's are disabled from continuing running] [much less enthusiastically] "Cow."
    Rolf: [cow begins to lean above him] "MAMA! A BANDAGE FOR ROLF!" [cow lands on top of Rolf and crushes him. The Eds leave the scene, following the balloon]
    Eddy: "Hurry up! It's getting away!"
    Edd: "Excuse me, Rolf!"
    Ed: "What'd you do, Double D?"
    Rolf: [sighs] "Never again will Rolf store house keys in his trouser pockets."

  • Jonny: [notices Plank's large and fancy dinner] "What do ya' mean you special-ordered?"

  • [Eddy is fighting Sarah and Jimmy over the balloon]
    Eddy: "Gimme that balloon, Sarah!"
    Sarah: "'Gimme, Gimme' never gets!"

"X Marks the Ed"

  • [The Eds are fishing, and Ed finds his freezer experiment]
    Ed: "Oh, goody goody! It's my freezer experiment! I wondered where Sarah hid it. Well, that's a keeper!!"
    Edd and Eddy: [warning him not to put his experiment back in the pond] "No, Ed!"

  • Ed: "I claim this planet in the name of Ed, bringer of bacon!"

  • Ed: [referring to his pimples on his back] "I make a game out of mine, Eddy. cause I'm productive. You can play 'Connect the Dots'. See? It's a boat."

  • Rolf: "Rolf requires your assistance! Double D Ed boy, massage the squid. Half-Wit Ed Boy, grate the turnip."

  • Rolf: "Now, we add one salted squid and stir. Careful not to bruise the fish entrails. Good, yes? Last we add the pickled towel of mirth and let simmer for fourteen days and fourteen nights."

  • Ed: "I wish I had a zit."
    Edd: "Ed, you have a boat on your back."

  • Rolf: "Away with you, protuberance of the flesh!"

  • Eddy: [squeaky voice after Rolf shrunk his head] "What happened to my head!?"
    Ed: "It is so puny."
    Edd: "This is worthy of a Nobel prize."
    Eddy: "What'd you do to me, you quack!?"
    Rolf: "Quack? I am Rolf."
    Eddy: "You're a quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!"
    Rolf: "I am not a duck, I am Rolf."
    Edd: "How did you know what ingredients would react in such a way as to come to this conclusion?"
    Rolf: "What?"
    Ed: "My turn for shrinkage, Rolf!"
    Eddy: "Fix me!"
    Edd: "Tell me!"
    Ed: "Shrink me!"
    Rolf: "Stay Back!"
    Eddy: "Get him! Wait 'til I get my hands on you! Fix my head, you quack!"

"From Here to Ed"

  • Ed: "Slide on the soap. Slide on the soap. Slide on the soap. Slide on the soap."

  • Edd: "Ed, where did you exhume this from?"
    Ed: "Brick-a-brack from under my bed, Double D."
    Edd: "Ed, do you know there's a turtle on your head?"
    Ed: "Yep!"

  • Edd: "Ed, Eddy's overzealous attempt to reform this erroneous altercation is destined to fail."
    Ed: "Napkin, please!"
    Edd: "I should have known better."

  • Ed: [about to jump on top of Jimmy] "Prepare to meet your maker!"
    Jimmy: "Antonucci?"

  • Edd: [responding to Eddy's compliment] "Thank you, Eddy. No one would ever expect mother nature to harbor a spring-loaded circus canon and blow innocent bystanders to Kingdom come!"

"Boys Will Be Eds"

  • Kevin [in thought]: "She's so radical!"
    Eddy [in thought]: "She can't keep her eyes off me!"
    Edd [in thought]: "Her hair is so clean... And not fly-away at all!"
    Ed [thinking and echoing]: "Hello? Echo! MY NAME IS ED!"

  • Rolf: [responding to Kevin's question] "I see. So, Kevin would like Rolf to assist him with the Nazz, yes? No! Go back. Go away. Come again another day!"
    Kevin: [turning away] "Harsh."
    Rolf: [suddenly changes mood and grabs Kevin] "Ha Ha Ho! Rolf pokes fun at you, Kevin. I have never seen such a killjoy. Come. Rolf makes good!"

  • Ed: "Can I impress Nazz with my sensitive side and draw her a picture of a chicken?" [chicken bites him on mouth and clings to him]
    Eddy: "Does that answer your question, Ed? You won't impress Nazz with chickens!"
    Ed: [mouth still caught in chicken's beak] "I won't?"
    Edd: "A rare moment indeed. But Eddy's right."
    Eddy: "And I know exactly how we'll-" [cuts himself off, realizing that only he can do what he is planning] "Pardon me. I think I heard my mother calling." [runs off leaving Ed and Edd]
    Edd: [beginning to run off with Eddy but stopping himself] "Hey you! Oh. So that's how it's going to be, is it? Coming, Ed?"
    [Ed begins to run the other direction with Edd, chicken still clinging onto his mouth. Edd then takes the chicken off and sets it back down]
    Edd: "Please leave chickens, Ed." [runs off with Ed]

"Ed or Tails"

  • [Eddy is attempting to sell his clown scam to Jimmy]
    Eddy: "Are you un- unconsci..." [turns to Edd] "What's this word?"
    Edd: "Unconscious, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Dead from the neck up?"

  • Rolf: "Rolf comes from a long line of village buffoons, Kevin. Do not mock the clown."

  • Eddy: [angry that Ed is not thinking straight] "Ed! How many times does two go into three?!"
    [one day-long pause and Edd and Eddy contemplate answering for Ed]
    Ed: [in realization] "There's not enough."

  • Jonny: [with a jawbreaker and Plank in his mouth] "Well, what do you know. I got a jawbreaker, Plank! What's that? Can't breathe? Where are you, buddy?!"

  • Sarah: "Hey Rolf, are you blind?!"
    Jonny: "Yeah! They're breaking the rules!"
    Rolf: [with a mouthful of grapes] "Yes. A fine performance?"

"Gimme, Gimme Never Ed"

  • Jonny [to Plank who got himself stuck in a tree] "Your insatiable thrill seeking is giving me an ulser!"

  • [The Eds' "Requiem for a Whiplash" ride ends with them flying into the distance, and dropping their money near Jonny and Plank]
    Jonny: "Well, what do you know. We got a refund. What's that?"
    [Jonny hears Plank out]
    Jonny: "Hey, Eddy! Plank says you owe him a buck for the ride!" [laughter] "Good one, buddy."

"My Fair Ed"

  • Rolf: [inside his outhouse that Ed and Eddy tipped over] "Can Rolf have one moment of peace?" [notices his ruined eggplant garden] "My Eggplants!!"

  • Rolf: [showing Edd one of his damaged eggplants] "Ed Boy. Shed some tears for the once proud eggplant."

  • Rolf: "Rolf was the son of a shepherd, now Rolf is the posterior of a duck!"

  • Ed: "Broccoli bad for Ed!"

  • [Ed and Eddy trick Edd into thinking that they were acting polite, only to be chased by broccoli]
    Ed and Eddy: "BROCCOLI!! AHHHHHH!! RUN AWAY!!"

"Rock-a-Bye Ed"

  • Ed: [playing with his bat and ball] "Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth..."

  • Ed: [to his 'Mom' whose face looks just like Jonny] "Sarah is fibbing, honest and for truly. I was in my happy place, lost in the void of my mind!"

  • Ed: [about to descend into the Kanker pit] "Bad for Ed, Mommy! Bad for Ed!"

  • Kevin: [watching Jimmy] "What a waste of a life."

  • Eddy: [watching Jimmy's rhythmic gymnastics in disgust] "What kind of a party is this? Sports?"
    Edd: "Gymnastics Eddy. A series of exercises for developing & demonstrating strength, balance and agility."
    Eddy: [dismissive] "Somersaults, hoop-de-hop and tippy toes. All girls stuff!"
    Ed: [excited] "Tippy toes!"

  • Ed: "I'm a gym bag!"

  • Jonny: [to Plank] "Grass is mother nature's wall to wall broadloom, buddy."

  • Nazz: "Listen up everybody, its time for the balance beam."
    Jonny: [to Plank] "Isn't that what you want to be when you grow up, Plank?"

  • Ed: [eating peanut butter] "Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!"

  • Jonny: [waking from his bad dream with Plank] "What a nightmare! That's it, no more free range soy beans before bed. Nighty night, buddy."

"O-Ed Eleven"

  • Ed: [looking at the wall] "Oh cool! It is so flat!"
    Edd: [sighing] "I'm surrounded by idiots."

  • Edd: "Not that it's out of place in this 'den of dishovelment', but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?"
    Eddy: "He keeps his snake in the trunk." [opens boot of car] "Huh, the weasel must have escaped again."
    Edd: "Escaped? Oh dear, oh dear, oh-" [hits the giant camel]
    Eddy: "HEY WATCH THE CAMEL! I said no touching!"

  • Edd: [after running into Eddy's Brother's dusty stuffed camel] "Dust! From a camel! Oh, who knows where that thing has wallowed!? Air! I need air!"

  • Eddy: [to Ed] "Ever think of renting out that empty space you call a head?"

  • [The Ed's have found out that the "secret stash", belonging to Eddy's brother, is hidden underneath the Kankers' trailer]
    Eddy: "My brother's a whiz at ticking me off!"

  • Ed: "It's not just a gym bag, Double D. It's a way of life!"

  • Ed: "I think I just thunk."
    Edd: "Was that English, Ed?"

  • Ed: [being covered in butter by Edd and Eddy] "My fantasy come true! I am buttered toast!"

  • Ed: "I am a brother and Eddy's brother is a brother and Eddy is a brother to Eddy's brother as a brother I am!"
    Edd: "Um… Nicely put, Ed!"
    Eddy: "Oh, brother."

"The Luck of the Ed"

  • Eddy: "Quick! Hide these magazines!"
    Ed [confused]: "Hide these magazines?"
    Eddy: [panicking] "Whaddya? A parrot?"

  • Ed: "Hide the box, hide the box I said."

  • Ed: "Eddy, will these leave marks?"
    Eddy: "Big ones, Ed."

  • Edd: "Ed, do you see what I see?"
    Ed: "CUPCAKE!"
    Eddy: "So what's with the cupcake?!"
    Edd: "Patience, please."
    [Edd places the cupcake on the glass, Ed devours it while still on the glass surface] [Edd puts the second glass on top]
    Eddy: [annoyed seeing Ed's enlarged face] "What's with Ed's face?!"
    Edd: [irritated] "Will you just let me do this, Eddy?!"

  • Edd: "Read a magazine or something."
    Eddy: "Read a magazine? I would if Ed knew where he hid them!"
    Edd: "Oh, you read those?"

  • Ed: "Look what I found guys!"
    Eddy: [thinking its his magazines] "'I'd tell you I love you Ed, but I ain't that kind of guy!"
    Edd: "Bravo, Ed. Bring on the grail."
    Ed: [ignoring them all] "A toothbrush! Finders keepers!"
    Eddy: [throws Ed and Edd to the ground] "You guys must think I'm stupid or something! I know that you two are in cahoots of stealing my magazines!"
    Edd: [peeking out Ed's bottom] "And what we do with your magazines?"
    [Eddy swipes Edd's beanie]
    Edd: [panicking] "My hat!"
    [Eddy snatches Ed's unibrow]
    Ed: "My eyebrow!"
    [Eddy runs off with Ed and Edd's belongings]
    Ed: "But Eddy, I can't make funny faces without that!"
    Edd: [grabbing Ed's bottom to cover the top of his head] "Wait, Ed! I'm not decent."

  • Edd: "Oh Kevin, Kevin?"
    Ed: "Oh Double D, Double D?"

  • Ed: "The number you are dialing is not in service."

"Ed... Pass it On..."

  • Jonny: "What do you mean an 'Ed Turkey a la King' for you and a couple of bread sticks for the bald kid?"

  • Kevin: "What's with the balloons, you dorks getting married? To each other?" [laughs]
    Eddy: "Read the sign, giggles. My big bro is coming back today."
    Kevin: [shocked] "No way."
    Ed: [blending in with Eddy's rumor trick] "And it worked for him!"
    Kevin: [nervous] "Uh, so tell me, those stories about your brother, are they true?"
    Eddy: "Are they true? Hey guys! Kev here wants to know if those stories about my brother are true!" [Kevin shushes Eddy]
    Eddy: "Tell you what, why don't you let me and my boys come over to your place and see if it's alright."
    Kevin: [nervous] "Maybe some other time, gotta blow!"

  • Kevin: [responding to Nazz's question about what he would be ordering] "I'm ordering the barf bag."
    Nazz: [confused] "Where's that on the menu?"

  • Edd: "Nice presentation, Ed!" [to Jonny] "And here you are, one Ed Turkey A La King!"
    Jonny: "FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!"
    [Ed is sitting in the pan, naked, as the turkey]
    Ed: [pouring sauce on himself] "Stuffing, anybody?"
    Eddy: [clapping the pan lid back on Ed] "Idiot!"

  • Eddy: "R-E-S-P-E-E-K, Respect, Double-D!"

  • Ed: "Did he miss another bus again, Eddy? Buses can be so cruel!"

  • Ed: "Party at Kevin's house!"

  • Rolf: [panicked and running inside his wood log-fenced property] "Please inform Eddy's brother-" [closes the opening to his fence] "-that Rolf's chickens exist no longer!"

  • Ed: "Got any dip?"
    Kevin: "I'll dip you, you dork!"
    Edd: "I suppose a glass of water is out of the question."

  • Rolf: "Silence! It was Rolf's turn to grovel!"

  • Eddy: "You dare hit the brother of Eddy's brother!?"
    Sarah: "Brothers are stupid."
    Eddy: [grabs Sarah] "Oh yeah? Why don't you tell him that to his face then?"
    [Others gasp in fear]
    Sarah: "Fine! So where's his face?!"
    Kevin: "Where is he, man?"
    Rolf: "Rolf smells something and it's not Papa's back-hair vest!"

  • Ed: "Who's up for Pin the Tail on the Donkey'?"
    Eddy: "Shut up, Ed! Where the heck is everybody?!"

"Brother, Can You Spare an Ed?"

  • [Edd is playing his Steel Guitar for background music at their Hula dancing scam]
    Eddy: "Double D, that sounds so real!"
    Edd: "Don't rub salt in the wound, Eddy. You know how much I detest this instrument."
    Eddy: "Come on, you're settin' the mood, Double D. The music, the plan … the lump."
    Ed: [hula dancing] "1, 2, 3, 4, stick it all the way on the door!"

  • Ed: "Sarah has trusted me with the money, so fudge I must buy it with!"

  • Edd: "How can something so bad taste so good?"
    Eddy: "When someone else coughs up for it, that's how."

  • Edd: [panic-stricken] "My hands are contaminated with the filth of chicanery!"

"The Day the Ed Stood Still"

  • Edd: [worried] "I can't believe I've actually created a monster!"

  • Rolf: [at his chicken] "Take to your heels, Gertrude!"

  • Edd: "Overwhelming fear is not an excuse for rudeness, Rolf."

  • Rolf: [grabs Nazz] "The beast circles with hunger! We must appease it with a sacrifice!"
    Nazz: [angry] "PUT ME DOWN, YOU JERK!"
    Edd: "HOLD IT! You can't play his game, you'll only encourage this bad behavior!"
    Eddy: "So what? It's funny."
    Nazz: [looks at Edd, then turns back to Rolf]: "LET GO OF ME!" [punches Rolf on the head]
    Eddy: "See?" [laughs]
    Edd: [being serious and brave] "There's only one thing to do. Someone needs to go down and give him a time out!" [lowers head] "I'll go."
    Eddy: [unimpressed] "Killjoy."
    Nazz: [goes toward Edd and hugs him] "Oh, Double D, you're so brave I'll never forget you!" [kisses him on the cheek]

  • Rolf: [before getting swallowed by Edzilla] "Please ask Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd."

  • Rolf: "The beast is no more that foolhardy Ed Boy."

  • Nazz: "I'm off cereal forever."

"If It Smells Like an Ed"

  • Jimmy: "Brother Rolf, are you weaseling out of your friendship duties?"
    Rolf: "No." [muffling]
    Jimmy: "Silly! I was just pulling your leg, silly. Thank you, friends! All about friends working together. Isn't that right, Brother Jonny?"
    Jonny: "You bet your sweet patootie, Brother Jimmy!"
    Sarah: "This papier maché heart was a great idea, Brother Jimmy."
    Jimmy: "Sister Sarah..."
    Sarah: "Yes, Brother Jimmy?"
    [Jimmy taps Sarah on the nose while it is still stained with paint]
    Jimmy: "Gotcha!"
    [all of the kids laugh]
    Sarah: "You little rascal, you."
    Jonny: [whilst giving Plank a hug] "I love you too, buddy."
    Nazz: "Hey, guys, what's going on?"

  • Jimmy: "Second verse! Same as the first!"

  • Jonny: [in tears over the stricken Plank] "Get me a crayon for crying out loud!!!!!!'

  • Ed: "To the victor the spoils will smell."

  • Ed: "I should have all the feeling back in my feet after this word from our sponsor, Double D."
    Edd: "Curse broadcast commercialism!"

  • Edd: "Oh dear, this can only lead to one thing."
    Ed: "Rotten teeth?"
    Edd: "No, Ed. Well, yes…"

  • Eddy: "Moo-moo. Moo-moo-moo."
    Ed: "Quack!"
    Kevin: "No sign of the twerps! It's just a cow, I think."
    Edd: Quack? What cow goes "Quack!"?

  • Eddy: [screaming at Jimmy] "Get me down from here you fluffy, crinkle-haired half-pint twerp!"

"Don't Rain on My Ed"

  • Eddy: [staring at Nazz who is slurping on candy] "Hey, where'd you get that Jawbreaker, Nazz? Bazooka-chin Kevin, right?"

  • Jonny: [incredulous & with television sets strapped to his sandals] "TV shoes?"
    Edd: "For viewing on the go..." [sigh] "Well I didn't say the future was practical."

  • Edd: "Curse promotional giveaways!"

  • Eddy: [impressed with Edd's invention] "Where did this wagon come from. Hotshot?"
    Edd: [delighted at Eddy's interest] "Necessity Eddy! Fabricated from everyday suburban litter in order to increase our velocity within our average shrinking window of opportunity!
    Eddy: [already bored] "Yawn!"

  • Lee: "Hey look! It's our husbands."
    Marie: "Just in time to play house."
    Eddy: [frightened] "KANKERS!"
    Ed: [horrified] "EXTREME CLOSE-UP!"
    Edd: [panicking] "RETREAT!"

  • Lee: [as she and her sisters shovel the trapped Eds out of a huge heap of mud] "Mom was wrong. Men do amount to a pile of dirt!"

  • Jimmy: [frantic] "My garden in the sky!"

  • Eddy: [relieved at the falling garden missing him] "Missed me!" [then gets crushed by a piano]
    Kevin: "That's for gobbing all over my bike, dork!"

  • Ed: "CHICKENS!"
    Eddy: "Don't look at 'em, Ed!"

  • Rolf: [busy herding chickens] "Yah, fowls! Yah!" [he sees a slow one] "Come along laggard!"

  • Edd: [frantic] "Help me! I'm submerged in a preponderance of poultry!"

  • Jonny: [responding to Eddy's request to open the shop door] "Plank says to blow it out your nose Eddy!"
    Ed: "Hahaha good one huh Double D? That Plank cracks me up."
    Edd: [sighing] "There's a moral in this... somewhere."
    Ed: "Yup! Two chickens are better than one!"

"Once Bitten, Twice Ed"

  • Eddy: [as 'Teddy Treebark'] "Hey you! My name's Teddy Treebark! Tired of being the neighborhood poltroon? Want to save the world and be a hero for the first time in your stinking life?"

  • Ed: [after eating his mattress] "That hit the spot!"
    Edd: [exasperated] "Ed! What have I told you about the needless taxing of your digestive system?"

  • Sarah: "Ooh look! Is that a possum?"

  • Jonny: "Holy cow, Plank! Look at the size of that raccoon!"
    Kevin: [bored] "Looks like a bloated squirrel."

  • Rolf: "Rolf wishes to use his lucky Great Nano kidney stone keychain."
    Nazz: [taken aback] "What did he say that was?"

  • Rolf: [eying the Ed raccoon] "Rolf sees it! Goodbye Pinocchio!"

  • Eddy: [voice in recorder device] "Flush on down to Bathroom World!"

  • Ed: "Ready for tweaking, Eddy!"

Season 4

"An Ed in the Bush"

  • Rolf: "You have besmirched the code of the Urban Rangers! Why if Rolf had a loaf of bread he'd-"

  • Rolf: "Very impressive, Ed Boys. It is a shame you fail with such disgrace at your pitiful attempt at proving your sorry and feeble effort of becoming an Urban Ranger."

  • Rolf: "Ranger Jonny! Why have you chosen this day to rupture Rolf's pumpernickel?"

  • Ed: "End of first sequence and fade to black." [Gets dragged away by Eddy]

  • Eddy: "Quit drying out your pits, Ed."

  • Eddy: "What's that?" [pause] "I think it's the sound of no one caring!" [gives Double D a dark look] "Move it out!" [Ed neighs and pretends to ride on a horse]

  • Sarah: "ED! You're in trouble, mister!" [opens Ed's room] "ED!" [opens closet door] "Mom said to get out of the closet, Ed, it's been three days now."
    The Eds: "BELLYBUTTON EATER!" [scream]
    Sarah: "What idiots." [closes the closet door]

"See No Ed"

  • Kevin: [aloft on skateboard] "Don't try this at home kids!"
    Rolf: "This would be impossible as Rolf would hit the ceiling."

  • Rolf: "Kevin! Assist Rolf!" [grabs onto Kevin's skateboard and pushes him aside] "Tell Rolf the secrets of this cross-straight board."
    Jonny: [watching] "Oh boy! Rolf's clueless!" [Rolf and Kevin begin to descend]
    Kevin: "Don't sweat it, Rolf. Whatcha' don't know-" [slams helmet onto Rolf's head] "-won't hurtcha'!" [Rolf falls into ramp and crashes through it]

  • Jimmy: "Do you think I'll kick butt, Sarah?"
    Kevin: "Whatever you do…" [sips on soda] "…you better do it fast, Fluffy, 'cause those Eds are probably right on their way right now to wreck all our fun."

  • Jimmy: [after watching Nazz pin the tail on the Eddy] "Right where the sun don't shine! Hee hee!"

  • Edd: [naked and panicking] "Eddy! I can't find my underwear!"

  • Kevin: [unimpressed by Chimp World] "What'd I tell ya? Monkey see, monkey gets ripped off."

  • Kevin: "I've got a bad feeling in my gut about this Rolf."
    Rolf: "Shall Rolf rub Kevin's belly with the oils of fermented figs?"
    Kevin: [taken aback] "...What?!"

  • Rolf: [trapped underneath a pile of bananas] "Kevin! The weight of the bananas are crushing Rolf's apples!"

"Is There an Ed in the House?"

  • Edd: [trying to sell Rolf an image] "Lets pick a theme, shall we? Would you like to pose with this beach ball or this sumptuous lollipop?"
    Rolf: "No sump! As Rolf prefers to turn his churn of soft spreads."
    Eddy: "There, he picked! Now get out of the way so I can take the picture!"
    Edd: "Okay Rolf, now look at me and smile for the tawdry sockpuppet."

  • Edd: [looking at the picture Ed has drawn] "Uh Ed? What is that behind Rolf?"
    Ed: "Rolf's head is about to be crunched by a 4-legged mutant bus driver!"

  • Jimmy: [plumping Sarah's pillow] "Am I a good fluffer, Sarah?"

  • Jimmy: [to Edd] "Sarah's got a fever Mr. Smartypants."
    Ed: [also to Edd] "Yeah Mr. 'I wish I was a smartpants'."

  • Eddy: "Ed! How can you be so stupid?"
    Ed: "I watch cartoons, Eddy."

  • Eddy: "The Triple E free driving school! Only it's not free, we'll charge 'em. Double D you're the instructor."
    Edd: "Me? But I..."
    Eddy: "Ed, you're the motor."
    Ed: [well pleased] "I have achieved greatness!"

  • Jonny: "Where's the obstacle course Eddy? Plank needs to tear up some pavement!"
    Eddy: "Coming right up, Jonny Boy!"

  • Ed: "Uh, pain and hurt! Have mercy, depraved sibling."

  • Edd: [waxing eloquent about catching Sarah's cold] "Curse you, cold microorganisms. Oh, it's all part of the big plan, don't you see? They wait and strike when you're most vulnerable…" [sneezes again]

"An Ed is Born"

  • Jonny: [seeing Rolf sniffing on the ground] "Hiya, Rolf, what'cha doing there, guy?"
    Rolf: [turns to Jonny] "Silence! Rolf must brood!" [goes back to sniffing the ground]

  • Rolf: [motioning for Edd to stop] "Let Rolf understand this. I suppose disgracing Rolf is okay to you, Ed boy?" [pupils enlarge pretending to be understanding of Ed, then return back to normal size while Edd steps back] "Walking off with Rolf's chickens like a fine howdy-do?"
    Ed: [grabbing a handful of chickens] "It was their idea, Rolf. As they wanted to be the best chickens they could be! Bless their little giblets."
    Rolf: "Is this so, Ed boy? You have squeezed an orange rind in the eye of Rolf! Return the chickens or Rolf will…" [a large box hits Rolf and sends him flying out the basement window]
    Ed: [waving goodbye to the chickens as they leave through the window over the ski] "That concludes our lesson for today, ladies! Ta-ta! Same time tomorrow!"

  • Eddy: "Hey guys, look what my brother sent me, that big lug."
    Edd: "Your brother sent you this?"
    Ed: "I think his brother sent it to him, Double D."
    Eddy: "Check it out! I bet it's a car or something!"
    Edd: "Why this seems to be addressed to a 'Pipsqueak', Eddy. A pet name for his baby brother I assume?" [Ed and Ed began snickering of the name 'Pipsqueak']
    Eddy: [defensive of the 'Pipsqueak' label on the crate] "Yeah? So, that means head honcho in our house." [grabs and picks up a pacifier from the crate] "Why else would he send me a key to his new truck?" [Eddy shows them a pacifier with Edd and Ed started laughing hysterically]

  • Ed: [sticking labels on bags of garbage to make them look like sacks of money] "Boy, being rich really stinks."
    Eddy: "What the heck are you doing?! Don't film that!"
    Edd: [sarcastically while Eddy's fake mustache falls off his face] "Sorry, Eddy. The planet-bearing story threw me off."
    Eddy: "Cut! Cut! How's my brother supposed to think I'm cool, when you guys keep…?" [Ed looks at the screen and shakes his head like the rattle]

  • Kevin: [pulls Eddy's underwear and put it on the back of his bike and rides off] "Neighborhood dork, huh? Hey, Double Dweeb, you getting this?"
    Eddy: [talking about Kevin while his underwear is being pulled by Kevin on his bike and holding on to the fire hydrant] "He collects underwear and gives it to the poor. Pretty stupid, huh, Bro? Help!" [camera turns fuzzy] "Slow down, Kevin! I was just kidding! Stop, please! No, wait!" [Kevin releases him making him flop like a fish out of water]
    Ed: [to camera] "Look at him bounce, Eddy's Brother!"
    Edd: "Eddy! Are you all right?"
    [Edd and Ed rush over to Eddy after his incident]
    Ed: [holds out rattle] "Boy, Eddy! You deserve a shake for that!" [Eddy takes the rattle and gets rid of it making Ed chase it]
    Edd: [sarcastically] "I must say, if I was your brother, I'd be very impressed." [Eddy scowls at him on the ground]

  • Edd: [nervously panning around for Eddy] "Eddy, w-where are you?"
    Eddy: [irritably and offscreen in the background] "Over here, Spielberg."

  • Eddy: "Rolf? Did I forget to sign Rolf? There you go stretch." [signs Rolf's face; pauses as Eddy looks at Rolf motionless]
    Rolf: [outburst] "YOU HAVE VANDALIZED ROLF'S FACE, AND YOU HAVE--" [sees chicken and Rolf cardboard cutout] "…And you have stolen Rolf's chickens yet again?!" [sees camera and glares menacingly at it] "Are you stealing Rolf's soul with your film box?!"
    Edd: [nervously] "Why, of course not, Rolf! What gave you that impression?"
    Rolf: [furiously] "Rolf will release his rage now!!!!"
    Eddy: [offscreen in the background] "Wait! Uh, we can work this out!"
    Rolf: [off-screen in the background] "SCHLO-HOI!" [Rolf defeating Eddy offscreen and tosses him at the cardboard cutouts and Ed sees the cardboard cutouts' heads decapitated]
    Eddy: "Aah!"
    Rolf: [off-screen in the background] "Return Rolf's chickens!!!" [Ed begins to run off as Rolf begins to defeat Ed and Eddy while taking back his chickens]
    Ed: "Aah!"
    Rolf: "RETURN THEM!!!!" [the chickens come across to Double D and the camera]
    Edd: "Shoo! Go away! Don't touch me!" [the camera gets knocked out of Double D's hands]
    Ed & Eddy: [while running from Rolf] "Aah!!"
    Rolf: "Stop! I must punish you!"
    Eddy: [offscreen in the background while being chased by Rolf] "Mommy!"
    Edd: [as a "low battery" signal flashes on the screen] "I think your brother's got the picture, Eddy."
    [Eddy screams off-screen as the camera shuts off and the credits begin to play]

"One Size Fits Ed"

  • Eddy: "So now what do we do?!"
    Edd: "We could call on Ed."
    Ed: "Don't bother Double D, he is not home."

  • Eddy: "Sumo wrestlers are revered!"
    Edd: "In Japan."
    Eddy: "You'll have legions of fans, who'll cater to your every whim!"
    Edd: "In Japan."
    Eddy: "Okay, Double D. I'll bite. So your point is?"
    Edd: "Sumo wrestlers are fan based, respected and revered ONLY IN JAPAN, EDDY!"
    [steam comes out of Eddy's head]
    Ed: "Eddy is the man with the plan!"
    Eddy [screaming at Ed and Edd]: "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GO TO JAPAN?!"

"Pain in the Ed"

  • Kevin: [flinging cards into a cap; makes one] "Choice!"
    Eddy: [looking over the fence; showing off "carpet" pits] "Hey Ignirod, whose more mature now, huh?"
    Kevin: [starts laughing and heads inside] "The dork's faking puberty!"

  • Ed: "Position and pose starts by fanning your toes and placing your left foot right."

  • Rolf: "Why is the Lady of Liberty looming over the cul-de-sac?"
    Kevin: "What an eye-sore."

  • Ed: "Practice I must or Sarah my head will bust."

"Ed Overboard"

  • Ed: [displaying his macaroni masterpieces] "I call this one, 'to noodle or not to noodle', and this one I will call 'no more for me thanks, I am a Russian.'"

  • Eddy: [to Edd] "Just deny everything, Double D, you'll live longer."

  • Rolf: "Is that so, he who laments at the tip of a hat?"

  • Jonny: "Double D and Eddy, do you vow to uphold the secrecy of the Urban Rangers or face one hundred snaps with a wet noodle?"

  • Eddy: [sourly watching Edd eagerly take the vow] "I'd swear, but standards won't let me!"

  • May: "He's like a little Pookie-Bear."
    Ed: "Not Pookie-Bear! I AM ED!"

  • Ed: [After singing "London Bridge is falling down"] "Hey guys, you weren't supposed to get caught."

  • Rolf: [to Jimmy & Jonny] "Urban Rangers, implement evasive maneuvers - code yellow." [all 3 plus Plank fall on their backs clutching a lily and try to play dead]
    Jonny: "I'm gonna wet my pants!"

  • Ed: [as the shadows are appearing] "Quack."

"One of Those Eds"

  • Rolf: [after injuring his back in the Eds' bed scam] "Ed Boys! Your mattress has ruptured Rolf's tail bone! Who is in charge of this double-crossing slumber flim-flammery?!"

  • Kevin: [upon noticing Jimmy's Mr. Yum Yum] "Looks like Fluffy forgot his stuffed rat."

  • Rolf: [responding to the screwdriver that Kevin inadvertently threw into his back pain easer] "Who is responsible for this thing, piercing Rolf's hot water sac?!"

  • Rolf: [upon noticing Kevin's hat on the sidewalk] "Why would Kevin leave his hat on a paved footpath?" [notices quarter] "A gift from the gods."

  • [Everyone is fighting over the quarter, but Edd gets everyone's attention by sounding an airhorn]
    Sarah: "What are you trying to do, blow our heads off?!"
    Edd: "Crude, yet effective."

  • Rolf: [about to lean over and attempt to dislodge the quarter] "You have messed with the rest now the best will make a mess! Worthless coin of commercial enterprise!" [leans over and back cricks again] [grunts] "Rolf's back is cricked! Yet again!"

  • Ed: "Yum yum! Bubble gum!"
    Edd: "It was just a wad of gum? I've heard of squirrels storing their food, but gum? I mean that's just plain cooky." [steps in a puddle] "Oh, for crying out loud! Ed, can I please have my shoes back?"
    Eddy: "What the?! Gimme back my shoes!"
    Ed: "What can you do when you live in a shoe and you ain't got no soul?"
    Eddy & Edd: "ED!"

"They Call Him Mr. Ed"

  • Ed: [while blindfolded] "Fe fie fo fum! I smell Chunky Puffs!" [Ed sticks his tongue out]

  • Eddy: [to Edd as he's pestered by Jonny] "Does the never-ending forehead have an appointment?"

  • Rolf: [sitting in his security cubicle] "Ah, life is good, Victor. The son of a shepherd now protects his own flock of simpleminded creatures."
    Kevin: [mocking Rolf's outfit] "What's with the 'Car 54' get up, Rolf? Afraid someone might steal your box?"

  • Rolf: [fighting with Kevin] "May you break out in lather and pass a turnip from your nose!"

  • Ed: [wandering by in the background carrying a cupboard to add to the sky elevator] "Cauliflower!"

  • Kevin: "Down for the count, dorks!"
    Jimmy: [as Eddy's business collapses] "My artistic vision sullied. I'm so downhearted."
    Nazz: [annoyed] "Downright lame, if you ask me."
    Rolf: [angry at not being paid] "Downtrodden rabbit radishes! Come, Victor!"
    Jonny: [still happy] "Hey guys! Did everyone get to see Plank's butt?"
    Edd: "I'm afraid it's downhill from here, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Nowhere but up, Double D!"

  • Eddy: [to Ed carrying a row boat to the elevator] "Ed! What are you up to?"
    Ed: "Uhh, is that a quiz or something?"

  • Nazz: [questioning the picture Jonny gave her] "What is this?"
    Jonny: [showing Nazz Plank's copy of his butt] "Plank photocopied his butt!" [laughs]

"For the Ed, by the Ed"

  • Edd: "Our first vote goes to Eddy."
    Eddy: "Bingo!"
    Edd: "Next, we have one for Plank."
    Jonny: "Right on!"
    Edd: "Ooo... and another for Plank."
    Eddy: "Huh?"
    Edd: "And here's one for... Rolf."
    Rolf: "Thank you."
    Edd: "Yes well.. and here's another one for Plank. Yes, and Plank again. Another one for Plank. And last but not least.. uh, we seem to have a spoiled ballot. Cookies don't count I'm afraid."

  • Jimmy: [about Plank's "rescue"] "My hero!"
    Jonny: "He pulverized em'! Let's give a name for him! Go tell everybody!"

  • Eddy: Ask not what you can do for me, ask what I am gonna do for Plank when this election's over!

  • Rolf: [after smelling Edd's home-baked cookies] "Why does Rolf smell the odor of Nano's decaying toenails?"

  • Ed: "FREE BUTTONS!" [starts throwing buttons]

"Little Ed Blue"

  • Rolf: [after getting caught taking a handful of Nazz's popcorn] "A discharge piglet for Rolf?"

  • Ed: [after shoving Edd away] "Touch me again and I will squash you!"

  • [Eddy is telling Ed to be happy, but triggers more anger inside of him]
    [Ed then goes on to wreck the park]

"A Twist of Ed"

  • [Kankers run through the wall leaving Kanker shaped holes; The camera zooms out and we see an Ed shaped one also]
    Ed [creepy laugh]: "It's dark! Hahahahahaha!"

  • Ed: "Now, let's pitch some woo!"

  • Rolf: [with patience] "Hello, Bundt Cake-for-brain Ed Boy! Rolf is using this small rock to crush this bigger rock."
    Ed: "Bundt Cake crushes rock?"
    Rolf: [mildly angry] "No, only rock will break rock."
    Ed: [produces pizza slice] "Pizza slice crushes rock?"
    Rolf: [moderately angry] "Ed Boy! No Pizza, ROCK!"
    Ed: [takes back pizza slice then produces pretzel bagel] "Half-eaten pretzel bagel crushes rock?"
    Rolf: [extremely angry] "Must Rolf beat some sense into that overcooked noodle you call a head?!"
    Edd: "Rolf! Thank you for being an unlikely source of information!"
    Ed: [calmly runs by Rolf and throws rock into the air] "I'm a noodle-head and you're not!" [rock descends and hits the confused Rolf on the head]
    Rolf: [on ground, injured by projectile rock] "Rolf truly yearns the simple life as a noodle-head."

"Your Ed Here"

  • Eddy: [doing the hard sell] "Need a scapegoat for mom and dad to yell at? Why not blame the dummy - only twenty five cents!"
    Jimmy: "Live life guilt-free? Give it to me, Eddy!"

  • Jonny: "Turn me and Plank into candles, Eddy!"

  • Rolf: [excited by the wax figures] "Come Kevin, the placing of the wig is not to be missed!"

  • Edd: [wearily watching Jonny fumble blindly around] "Give Jonny back his eyes, Ed."
    Ed: "Right-O Jimbo!"

  • Eddy: "Remember Kev, loose lips sink ships."

  • Ed: [producing a monkey-shaped back-scratcher] "Anybody got an itch to scratch?"

  • Edd: "Kevin's making a fool of you in front of everyone!"
    Ed: "Yeah, it's usually me!"

  • Ed: "A fine example of who-knows-what he is."

  • Ed: "Skipper's embarrassed because now everyone knows Eddy's middle name."
    Edd: "Eddy, if it makes you feel any better I'll tell you my middle name!"
    Eddy: [feebly] "Okay."
    Edd: Well Eddy, my middle name is Marion."
    Eddy: "Marion?! That's a girls name!"
    Ed: "Marion! Like that maid!"
    Nazz: "My aunt's name is Marion."
    Sarah: "Double D that's so cute!"
    Rolf: "Marion the Hungarian?"
    Jonny & Kevin: "No! Marion the librarian!"
    [everyone laughs at Edd]
    Eddy: "Kids can be so cruel, right Ed?"
    Ed: [slyly] "You got that right, Skipper!"

"The Good Ol' Ed"

  • Eddy: "Ed! Can't you see I'm practicing for manurity?"
    Ed: "So, then, you wouldn't want to forget to remember this. Oh, look, it's Eddo! Oh! And you'll need to think back this, and this and, nothing like this, oh, and this! Oh, and who would want to forget this?"
    Eddy: "Ed! What the heck are you doing? Gimme back my stuff! 'Place memories here'?"
    Edd: "Well, hello, Eddy. Fashionably late as ussual."
    Eddy: "Late? Late for what?"
    Edd: "Our time capsule, Eddy. Remember? We were to gather a few of our poinent posessions and bury them in a go-no-further location. Then, we excavate our said capsule as grown ups and reminize on our yesterdays with a smile. Do you recognize this, Eddy? The turkey baster. Or should I say, our Canadian Squirt Gun!"
    Eddy: "Oh yeah, I remember this thing."
    Ed: "Funny it was, as thought it were only second season."
    Edd: "There was water left in that? Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. How about this tablet of memories?"
    Ed & Eddy: "The Hypnotizing Wheel!"
    Edd: "Can't you just ask for something like a normal human being?"
    Eddy: "Remember when we hypnotized Kevin into thinking he was a chimp?"
    Ed: "It is to laugh. And he thought my butt was a peanut."
    Edd: "Hee, hee. Look at my antics. I am Kevin the primate."
    Nazz: "Hey, guys. Uh, what's up? Uh, never mind."
    Edd: "I wonder what Nazz will remember of us when she's older?"
    Eddy: "That you looked like an idiot, and how could she've let a hunk like me get away."
    Edd: "See? Revisining piped on days can be fun, Eddy."
    Eddy: "What else you got in there?"
    Ed: "Remember me?"
    Edd & Eddy: "Fad Freaky!"
    Eddy: "Good times, huh, Sockhead? Hey, I remember that! That's when Ed hit you with that sack of potatoes!"
    Edd: "Your recollections are a bit quacky, Eddy. This remote control was from our fall time machine."
    Ed: "Oh."
    Eddy: "Time machine?"
    Edd: "Surely you recall the time machine."
    Ed: "Um?"
    Eddy: "It's probably form that dumb rocket car you built."
    Edd: "Time machine. Not the rocket car, time machine. Remember? Jimmy and Jonny were at rapt attention while I explained…"
    [flashback begins]
    Jimmy: "Are you sure, Double D?"
    Edd: "Most assuredly, Jimmy. Neither I nor science have found any correlation between time travel and greasy, flyaway hair."
    Ed: "Oink, oink, oink."
    Eddy: "Are you done yammering?"
    Edd: "Prepare to incredibly transverse to the triassic period of yesteryear!"
    Jonny: "This is gonna rock!"
    Edd: "Tally-ho, back in time we go!"
    [Jimmy and Jonny are taken to the woods, as Ed shakes the time travel machine to make it seem like they were going back in time]
    Jonny: "I think we're here, Plank."
    Jimmy: [after exploring the place and finding a large beast] "Pterodactyl!"
    Jonny: "Come on, Jimmy. We can't get hurt 'cause we weren't ever born yet. Wowsers! Look, Plank."
    Jimmy: "Triceratops!"
    Jonny: "Right on, hey, buddy?"
    Jimmy: "Make it stop! Make it-"
    Jonny: "Weehee! Twenty-three Skidoo!"

  • [Ed has found a spatula]
    Ed: "Oh look, a flipper!"
    Eddy: "It's a spatula, stupid."

"Thick as an Ed"

  • Edd [after his head gets caught in Ed's cheese-infested pocket]: "RANCID, MOLDY CHEESE!"

  • [Edd attempts to take Ed's jacket off via barge pole, but is then pulled into the jacket]
    Ed: "Comfy?"
    Edd [popping frantically out of Ed's jacket]: "FILTHY! CRUDDY! SMELLY!"
    [Edd then goes to shower himself]
    Edd [poking his head out of the shower]: "Ed, I insist you remove that jacket immediately!"
    Ed: "OK! If you give me your hat."
    Edd [getting dressed]: "My hat? Why, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Absolutely not."
    Eddy: "Give him the stupid hat so we can get some frogs!"
    Edd [ignoring Eddy and going head-to-head with Ed]: "The point here is my hat doesn't smell."
    Ed: "Oh, yes it does."
    Edd: "No, it does not! You're just saying that because I said your jacket stank."
    Ed: "Stinky hat!"
    Edd: "You've got a repulsive fermenting detachment of cheese in your pocket, Ed!"
    Ed: "STINKY HAT!"
    Ed: "STINKY HAT!"
    Ed: "STINKY HAT!"
    Ed: "OH, YEAH?! STINKY HAT!"
    Ed: "STINKY HAT!"
    Eddy [getting in between to break it up]: "SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!"
    [Edd & Ed glare at each other & and turn away]
    Eddy: "Oh, come ON- WE'VE GOT A SCAM TO RUN HERE!"

  • Edd [leaping after getting cheese's stench poofed in his face]: "DEFILED! SOILY! PROFANE!"

"Sorry, Wrong Ed"

  • Rolf: [responding to Eddy's suggestion of getting a massage by Rolf's goat] "Victor's hooves are magic on Rolf's hardened muscles! Thank you, Ed Boy!"

  • Ed: "I know where you're going with this, Eddy. Nighty night."

  • Edd: [after Eddy's mattress busted] "Looks like you could use a knew mattress, Eddy. Shall we ask Rolf if he's buried one somewhere?" [chuckles]

  • Ed: [answering the phone] "Eddy's in pain now, he'll have to call you back."

  • Edd: [during a time when Eddy's phone went dormant] "Maybe it's on to us, Eddy." [chuckles]


  • Jonny: [after realizing that Plank was receiving a plethora of phone calls] "Boy, Plank, you sure are a popular guy!" [Eddy can be heard yelling after getting hit by things in the background]

"Robbin' Ed"

  • Eddy: [responding to the recent taking of his scammed money] "Oh, I know who it is." [pause] "Okay, so I don't know."

  • Ed: "My gravy is safe to ferment another day, Double D."
    Edd: "Thank you for sharing that information, Ed."

  • [The Eds leave the scene after facing defeat from Jonny/Captain Melonhead]
    Edd: "It's all fun and games until someone gets a splinter."

"A Case of Ed"

  • Edd: [holding up a book] "Nocturnal burrowing insects."
    Ed: "Cool!"
    Edd: [picking another book] "The Enchanted Spleen."
    Ed: "Compelling!"
    Edd: [showing Ed a third book] "Scores of Spores."
    Ed: "I can relate!"
    Edd: [selecting book number 4] "One hundred and one Latin party jokes."
    Ed: "Do tell."

  • Edd: [picking up a heavy looking book] "The Encyclopedia of Obscure Diseases. This looks edifying. Listen to this, Ed. The Lackadaisicathro Disease. Symptoms include the rationalizing of mundane circumstances, habitual cleanliness, and an abnormal fixation to head wear…" [trails off]
    Ed: "That sounds resembling! 'Cause it sounds like… uh…"
    Eddy: "It sounds like Sockhead, bonehead!"

  • Ed: [to the trembling Edd] "Please, rest your buttocks."

  • Ed [eating one of Edd's shoes]: "How long have you been a size 2?"
    Edd: "Size 2? I've always worn a size 5 shoe, doctor."

  • Edd: "Tell me the truth, doctor. How long have I for this world?"
    Ed: "Um… till lunch?"
    [the camera zooms in, the background turns red, and Edd gets a horrified look on his face]

  • Ed: [terrified of the sight of Kevin being free] "SPONGE STAMPEDE!"

  • Edd: [reading happily from his medical book as the spectacle of Kevin working out his anger on his two friends goes on in the background] "Kevin's Justified Pummel Disorder - symptoms include bruising of the eye, followed by a sore rear end, and the rapid release of hot air from an inflated ego. Heheheh…"

"Run for your Ed"


  • Ed: [throwing a bottle of soap away] "I dispense with you, disgusting detergent of the deep! For I, Ed, can remove the bottle with sticky-tape!"
    Edd: "Sticky-tape?"
    Eddy: "Stick? You're already stuck, numb-skull!"
    Ed: "And your point is?"
    Eddy: [walks away] "This is stupid."
    Edd: "Ed may have something here, Eddy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, you know."
    Ed: "Just follow my smell, bucko!"

"Hand Me Down Ed"

  • Ed: [in 'intellectual mode'] "What an inane, inchoate and inefficacious journey this has been."
    Eddy: [in 'mommy mode'] "Casey Jr's all alone! Mommy's here sweetie, don't cry!"
    Edd: [in 'laid back mode'] "I'm getting the need to feel the breeze between my knees ..." [takes off his underpants. There is a 'moment'] "That's the ticket!"
    Eddy: "Not in front of the baby, please! Casey, you cover your eyes!"
    Ed: "Distasteful dullard!"

  • Rolf: [startled then enraged by the boomerang sticking out of his underpants] "Hello? ... Who threw this watchmadoohickey at Rolf's posterior?"

  • Ed: [in 'intellectual mode' & hunched over typewriter] "Chasing phantoms, a dissertation on unifying field theory and its effects on leptons and quasars. By Edwin."

"Stiff Upper Ed"

  • Eddy: [showing off on his 'yacht'] "Get the chef to cook up some more of that cavvy-arr, I'm parched!"

  • Edd: [trying to serve Rolf some snacks] "A fine array of canapés to soothe your, ahem, belly."
    Rolf: [looking at the tiny morsels of food on a stick with suspicion] "What is this? A teensey-weensey pitiful excuse for food for dribbling babies?"
    Edd: [defensively] "They seemed appropriate."
    Rolf: [shouting] "You insult Rolf! Get something more suited to Rolf's almighty stature!"

  • Jimmy: "May I see your invitations?"
    Eddy: [aghast] "Invitations?"
    Ed: "Does a bellybutton count?"

  • Edd: "I know how we can become members! We'll dress up like grandparents! Grandparents are rich in experience, and have a wealth of knowledge."
    Ed: "Oh, oh, let me Eddy!" [to Double-D] "That is stupid, Double-D."

"Here's Mud in Your Ed"

  • Edd: "Have your mother and father seen what you've done, Eddy? BECAUSE WHEN THEY DO, YOU'LL PAY FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR GREED!"
    Ed: "Yes he will, Double D!! 'Cause Eddy's gonna buy them a new house!"
    Eddy: "'Cause I've got me magic money tree seed!"
    Edd: [stares in utter disbelief]
    Eddy: "And when it sprouts, I'll buy you a new hat."
    Edd: "What, with this, Eddy? A crudely drawn bank note on the back of a soup label?"
    Eddy: "No! With the oodles of dough from my money tree, HAHHA!" [pulls out a spool]
    Edd: "…That is not a seed, Eddy. That is a discarded spool."
    Eddy: [outraged] "…THEY HAD THE NERVE TO FLEECE-ME?!"

  • Edd: "Well, well, well. Seems one can't tend to their natural functions without being replaced by some ragtag hand puppet!" [gets shoved down by Eddy]
    Ed: [as Edd-puppet] "Oh dear. I fell."

  • Ed: "Even I am not that dumb, Double D!"
    Edd: "An iris-in would be appropriate, don't you think?" [zoom in to black] "Thank you."

"Stuck in Ed"

  • Edd: [encouraging Eddy to be patient while Jimmy thinks] "Have faith, Eddy. After all, you did teach him everything you know."
    Eddy: "Oh yeah! Didn't we win an Emmy for that episode?"
    Edd: [dryly] "Hardly."

  • Jimmy: [loading up the Jawbreakers] "Save some for me you piggies!" [after obtaining a jawbreaker] "Out of my way! I'm salivating!"

  • Ed: [as Kevin struts off] "You forgot to say dorks, Kevin!"

  • Eddy: [trying to throw Edd off the scent] "Oh ... must be this malaria Double D. I'm just gonna go grab me a laxative..."

  • Ed: "An apple a day keeps the bus driver away, Double D!"

  • Jimmy: "Bubbly bubbly boo! This is the perfect spot for what I like to call Jimmy's Super-Duper Scammy-Wammy!"

"Postcards from the Ed"

  • Rolf: "Behold the shrine of Egypt as foretold by the soothsayers!"

  • Rolf: [when Edd confesses he can't read the hieroglyphs] "Oho, the ancients ones have stumped the know-it-all Ed-boy."
    Sarah: [looking at the hieroglyphs] "My stupid brother drew these, didn't he?"

  • Rolf: [listening to Eddy's spiel] "Rolf's porridge quivers at this baloney."

  • Ed: [after sneezing the "tomb" away] "Dusty!"

  • Ed: [looking at Plank's parents] "Hello, mother and father of Plank. Remember me? I am Ed! And I will be your guide today."
    Eddy: "They're just hunks of wood, for cryin' out loud! Leave 'em here!"
    Ed: [horrified] "No way, Jose!"

  • Eddy: [sulking] "I got better things to do than be some tour guide to a couple of floorboards!"

  • Ed: [seeing Eddy make off with Plank's parents] "Eddy kidnapped my responsibilities, Double D!"

  • Ed: "Come out, come out, wherever you are, mister 'unhand Plank's mommy and daddy'!"
    Edd: "Ed, his room would be the last place Eddy would have brought them!"

  • Eddy: [showing Plank's parents around the dump] "Behold the great mountains of Cul-de-Sackia! It took a gazillion years of slag to form these puppies. Note the stench. Priceless!"

  • Eddy: [showing Plank's parents around the road] "Hang onto your sawdust folks! It's a one of a kind, only on Eddy's Deluxe Tour Lines: a manhole cover!"
    Sarah: [trying to push a dolls pram] "Hey! Move this stupid box out of our way!"
    Eddy: [ignoring Sarah and talking to the Planks] "And you're in luck! Just recently escaped from the neighborhood zoo, it's Sarah the frog-mouthed brat and diaper-rash boy Jimmy!"
    Jimmy: [looking accusingly out of the pram at Sarah] "You told him, Sarah! I though we were friends!"

  • Eddy: [showing Plank's parents around the playground] "Haha! Eyeball this beaut'! The world's oldest blade of grass! And there! The world's largest litter box! A tour special. I'll just add that to the tab."

  • Jonny: [staring at the pieces of Plank's parents] "Holy jumping banana boats! Don't look, Plank!"
    Eddy: Relax, baldy. It's nothing a little glue and a couple of nails won't fix."

  • Jonny: [threatening the Eds] "You're the one who'll be paying, smarty pants! Plank knows people!"

"Take This Ed and Shove It"

  • Rolf: "A potato monger!?"
    Edd: "Well you see-"
    Rolf: "Rolf wishes to be a barber."
    Edd: "A barber?"
    Rolf: "Rolf is a barber!" [showing muscle]
    Ed: "Party at Rolf's house!"

  • Old Jonny: "Hey Eddy! Nice day isn't it? Whatcha' staring at? Nazz forget her pants again?"

  • Old Jonny: "She's still got it, huh, Eddy?"
    Old Eddy: "Got what? Liver spots? I can't take this anymore!" [Trips Over] "Ow! My hip!"

  • Old Rolf: "Hello, Kevin."
    Old Eddy: "Huh? I'm not Kevin."
    Old Rolf: "Who is this Kevin you speak of? ROLF'S TRACTOR IS NOT FOR SALE!"

Season 5

"Mission Ed-Possible"

  • [Ed and Eddy block Edd's path with the Kankers' trailer]
    Eddy: [tangled in the antenna above the trailer] "Just like our report cards, you fail!"

  • Eddy: "The usual A's and B's. Throw in a C- just in case. I don't want my folks to get suspicious."

  • Ed: "May I might? I bet I'm doing real good guys ... Oh, oh listen to this-" [pretending to be teacher] "Ed has difficulty with his ability to concentrate for even the smallest period..."
    [at this point Ed becomes distracted by his own wiggling finger]
    Ed: [absorbed] "Tick ... tock. Tick ... tock. Tick...tock."

  • Rolf: [to Edd] "Rolf asks a favor of you. Have mercy, Ed Boy, and hold Rolf's rucksack so that Rolf can carry this cursed menace home for further torment!"

  • Jimmy: [responding to Edd and his efforts in order to get Jimmy to move to the right] "Rabblerousers, Sarah!"

  • Edd: "I've been entrusted with a very important task, Eddy and neither rain nor sleet nor you nor Ed shall stop me."
    Ed: [doing a beseeching face] "I'm going to have to live with my aunt! She has a mustache, Double D!"
    Eddy: [frustrated] "Gimme those report cards!"
    Ed: [wailing loudly] "Her cat makes me sneeze and she never butters my toast!"
    Eddy: [impatient] "The cards! Now!"
    Ed: [utterly dejected] "She smells like cabbage and she makes me use tooth picks!"
    Eddy: [furious] "Gimme 'em!"

  • Jonny: [pleased with his report card] "Oh boy! Bs and Cs for me! Bs and Cs for me!" [he opens his locker to reveal a smug-looking Plank] "All that extra tutoring you gave me really paid off buddy!"

  • Jonny [to Nazz and her report card statistics] "An A in cheerleading? You sure must have brains!"

  • Eddy: [confused, about to hit Rolf with a traffic cone] "Rolf?"
    Ed: "Got him, Eddy! Good for me!"
    Eddy: "You idiot! Does that look like Double D?"
    Ed: [peers closely at Rolf] "Maybe with a hat?"

"Every Which Way But Ed"

  • Ed: [three times throughout the episode] "Zappity Zap Zap!"

  • Ed: [after electrocuting Edd, leaving him badly burnt, blowing up his house in an electrical mushroom cloud, and sending an electrical shock throughout the Cul-de-Sac] "Tag! You're it!"

  • Rolf: [gazing adoringly at the huge yellow squash] "Behold the toil of forty days and forty nights! Rolf can sense your jealousy of Rolf's giant squash. Cry, cry if you must. For Rolf would cry too at the sight of this Venus of the gourd family!" [Nazz and Kevin stare blankly] "You may kiss it if you like."

  • Rolf: [sees Jonny on his tractor and runs outside to confront him] "Jonny the Wood Boy, unhand Rolf's tractor!"

  • Jonny: [horrified as a chip falls out of Plank] "Look what you did to Plank! He's got brain damage!"
    Rolf: [confused] "The wood has a brain?"

  • Ed: [hugging a sheep] "Woolly bully!"
    Eddy: [confused] "How the heck'd we get here!? This isn't what I was remembering."
    Edd: "I'm confused, Eddy. You originally were flashing back to something you remembered. What was it?"
    Eddy: "I can't remember now. First Jonny stole my flashback, then Nazz, and now Rolf."
    Ed: "Oh oh! I know! We were standing next to a… hole in the wall… right after a big… boom, remember?" [pulls the next scene, the Eds Super Sweeeeets scam]

  • Edd: [after coming back from the locker incident] "Weren't we just here?"
    Eddy: [picks up and looks at the bowling ball] "I think Ed just flashed us backwards or something."
    Ed: [cheerfully] "You bet your sweet bippy I did!" [Eddy hits him with a bowling ball and it sticks to his face]
    Eddy: "Hey, what did I tell ya?! Only I'm supposed to remember stuff!"
    Ed: [attempts to run off screen only to rewind the previous flashback panels] "Run away! Face sucking bowling ball!"
    Eddy: "Hey! Lumpy's got it right. he's rewinding us back to start."
    Edd: [cautiously] "Yes, well. Just mind your speed, Ed."
    Ed: [misunderstands Edd] "Speed Ed? That's me!" [scenes accelerate very fast, Edd and Eddy fell behind]
    Edd: "Ed! WAIT!" [Ed stops and looks back with a dumb look on his face while scenes continue to whiz past him]

  • Young Eddy: [showing Little Edd the 'Bottomwess Ed' scam] "Be amazed, kid! Watch bottomwess Ed eat this humungous TV set. For you, only a quarter!"
    Young Edd: "I'll give you two, for it would be impossible for the human esophagus to manage such a feat!"
    Young Ed: "In your hat, bucko!" [Young Ed pierces through the T.V. with his fork and Eddy attached and prepares to eat it with Eddy] "Yum!"
    Young Eddy: "What the?! ED!" [Ed shoves the T.V. and Eddy into his mouth and starts chewing]
    Young Edd: "Good Lord, I'm gonna be ill!" [runs back into his house]
    Young Eddy: [while inside Ed's mouth] "Remember something, stupid! REMEMBER!"

"Boom Boom Out Goes the Ed"

  • Jimmy: "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

  • Edd: "My hat, thank you. I'm going home now. I have a strict decontamination regiment to implement."
    Eddy: "Oh no you're not!" [puts on a pair of goggles] "We're going back into that sewer to get my cash! Got it?"

  • Ed: "But Eddy, it's a collector's issue!"
    Eddy: "Yeah? Well collect this!" [Edd turns off the lights] "Hey, who turned out the light?"

  • Rolf: [excitedly pointing at his TV] "Look, Kevin! Do you see Gretchen? She is much favored in the callus-toss!"

  • Rolf: [to Kevin] "Again?! Why do you answer Rolf with questions?! Do you have potatoes in your ears Kevin Boy?!"

  • Rolf: "We must use the doohickey of the whatchamacallit that creates light and entertainment!"
    Kevin: "You mean, like a generator?"
    Rolf: [highly irate at being corrected] "Is this a test?"

  • Ed: [explaining Rolf and Kevin's terrible fate to the others] "Rolf and Kevin were mere appetizers!"
    Jimmy: "But I'm so petite! They'll eat me last! I'll be their raspberry swirl parfait!"

  • Ed: "Death to the mole mutants!"

  • Jonny: "Plank says: on the count of three, we all flush! Flush like you've never flushed before! One! Two! Three! FLUSH!"

  • Rolf: [to Kevin, as they're crashing back to earth after being launched out of the sewer] "Wait! Rolf falls first." [puts Kevin above himself and hits ground]

  • Ed: [tearfully holding up Edd's hat, which has just washed up out of the sewer] "Eddy, look! Double-D is double done-for!"
    Eddy: "But, it's the end of the show, Ed!"
    Ed: "I know, Eddy."

  • Ed: "Seen it!" [Eddy hits him with the remote] "Didn't see that."

"Cleanliness Is Next to Edness"

  • Ed: "The early bird catches the peanut, Double D!"

  • Ed: [in flimsy defense of why he woke Eddy early on a Saturday] "It wasn't my fault, Eddy! My belly told me it was bottomless gravy day at the cafeteria! Bad belly! Baaaaad!"
    Eddy: "Your head's bottomless!"
    Ed: "Belly bad, Eddy!"

  • Edd [reading the sticky note]: "'Dear Eddward, the shower is out of order due to renovations. Have a nice day. Love, Mother and Father.' Oh dear."

  • Jimmy: [after seeing Edd throwing the perfume can and hitting Sarah's head] "You knocked out Sarah in cold blood." [begins to attempt an escape from Edd] "Don't hurt me!"

  • Rolf: [with potatoes in his ears] "Ah, too early, yes? The fermenting has yet to begin."

  • Edd: [starts getting insane, writing "Shower" on the walls] "Shower, shower, shower! Shower, shower, shower! Shower, shower, shower! SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER! SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER!" [loses it]

  • Ed: [looking at Edd] "He smells worse than the sandwich under my bed, Eddy!"
    Eddy: [recoiling] "You got that right, lumpy! More like your three month old gym socks!"
    Ed: [happily] "Oh! Oh! Like my head on a rainy day, huh, Eddy?"

  • Ed: [advancing on the cowering Edd with a cheese grater] "Let's get that custard out of your bellybutton, mister!"
    Eddy: "Wait, Ed! Let me go get a camera!"

"Out with the Old, In with the Ed"

  • Edd: [stricken by a purchasing oversight] "The paperclips! I've forgotten the paper clips! Oh, curse those month of unregimented summer irrationality. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy."

  • Jonny: "Whizz-wazz, it's time to wazz!"

  • Rolf: [giving Edd too much information] "Rolf had to use a trowel to break away his eye crustacean this morning."
    Edd: [recoiling] "Thank you for sharing that, Rolf."

  • Edd: [delighted to be at school] "Isn't this exhilarating? You can feel the knowledge in the air!"
    Eddy: [not so delighted] "Yeah, call a nurse 'cuz I'm chokin' on it!"

  • Eddy: [staring into the Kankers' lair] "What'd they do with the janitor?"
    Ed: [in full overactive imagination mode] "Another clinging man has fallen prey to their hunger that is evil."

"I Am Curious Ed"

  • [Jonny attempts to tell Sarah and Jimmy how babies (birds) are born. Jonny then feeds Jimmy a worm]
    Jimmy: "I swallowed a wiggly!"
    Sarah: "JONNY, YOU IDIOT!"
    [Jonny's nest falls into Rolf's back garden]
    Sarah: "THAT'S IT! YOU'RE PULP!"
    [Sarah fights Jonny, then Rolf comes out]
    Rolf: "Stop! Have you gone crazy?!" [Rolf comes over to break up the fight] "What is the meaning of this que-Sara-Sara?"
    Sarah [pointing at Jonny]: "Fat-head made Jimmy eat a worm!"

  • Eddy: "BANZAI!"

"No Speak Da Ed"

  • Eddy: [mocking a photo he's been sent] "Check out the head on this guy! My name is Hyuck and I am from Korea! Is he screaming to get fleeced or what?"

  • Kevin: "Get away from me, space dork, or I'll shove these moon rocks right up your-" [the entrance of the Urban Rangers interrupts Kevin and stops him from swearing]

  • Ed: [with big eyes and trembling lip] "Rolf hit me with an umbrella, Double D!"

  • Rolf: "Talk, Ed-Boy!"
    Ed: [cheerfully] "Hi, Rolf!"
    Rolf: "Talk, I say!"
    Ed: [cheerfully] "Hi, Rolf!"
    Rolf: [wearily] "Talk, you sunamagun."
    Ed: [cheerfully] "Hi, Rolf!"
    Rolf: [wearily] "Please, talk."
    Ed: [cheerfully] "Hi, Rolf!"
    [many hours later, Edd & Eddy are half-asleep and Rolf looks a wreck, but Ed is still Ed]
    Rolf: [wearily] "The Ed-Boy's fortitude is to be admired."
    Ed: [cheerfully] "Hi, Rolf!"

  • Ed: [prancing about as the music box plays] "I'm skipping to my Lou, Eddy!"

  • Rolf: "A dog has raised his hind leg on the age of nevermore! Heed Rolf, do not get involved, ill-advised Ed Boy, less your pomegranates shrivel at the cold of the Dark Sea!"

  • Eddy: [intimidated by Rolf] "Oh boo-hoo, what's Wolfgang McHairyBack gonna do? Stick eels down our pants again?"

  • Eddy: "What makes you so special?"
    Ed: "I eat cereal, Eddy."

  • Rolf: [explaining Gerta the Goat Milker to the Eds] "It was she who sent the wood parcels to the doo-doo Ed Boy! She has made a Merry Andrew of us all, yes!"

  • Rolf: "Come! We must rebut while the turnips are still hard!"

"Cool Hand Ed"

  • Ed: "Yeah, Eddy! The school will tell Sarah, and Sarah will tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad, AND DAD WILL JUST SIT THERE AND WATCH TV!"

  • [The Eds and Jonny are about to make their escape from the school via plane]
    Eddy: [after hearing a siren] "WE'VE BEEN MADE!"

  • Kevin: "Let's go to my place for an after-school snack."
    Nazz: "Sounds cool, Kevin."
    Rolf: "Rolf will join you!"
    Kevin: [pointedly] "Three's a crowd, dude."
    Rolf: [knowingly] "Hel-lo…"

  • Jonny: "Plank says it's a dragon! Right?!"
    Ed: "A hamburger by any other name would be as cheesy."

  • Jonny: [sweating as Eddy intimidates him] "I think I tinkled, Plank!"

  • Nazz: [addressing the model of Double D which appears to be reading a cookery book with a Kung Fu one nearby] "Double D? I was like, wondering if you'd sign my petition? It's for, like, cuter guys for school janitors. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"Too Smart for His Own Ed"

  • Rolf: [trying to spell 'watch'] "W … O … T … H. Wrist clock!"
    Jimmy: [whimpering] "I can't feel my toes any more, Rolf! We've been practicing for hours!"

  • Edd: [looking in horror as Eddy tears up a book] "What are you doing to that poor defenseless dictionary?"
    Eddy: "Ed's cramming for the spelling bee!"
    [Eddy continues to stuff pages into Ed's ears]
    Eddy: "Feeling smarter, Ed?"
    Ed: [cheerfully spewing out loose sheets as he speaks] "What?"

  • Edd: [angry that Eddy expects him to cheat and lose the spelling bee] "Surely you jest, Eddy! How could you ask me to disengage the rules of literacy? To squander the values of scholastic tradition? To spit upon the very foundations of what our language is built on?"

  • Ed: [happily spewing forth a few more pages] "What?"

  • Rolf: [hopelessly] "Rolf's mind goes blank."
    [there is a long, long pause, much raspy deep breathing, another pause a muttered 'colonial' and then an outburst]
    Rolf: [yelling] "POPPYCOCK! Curse this monkey ritual of English words!"
    [Rolf knocks down the microphone and stalks from the stage to the sound of lonely applause, he pauses and waves]
    Rolf: "Thank you, Nana!"

  • [Ed has to spell the word, "ectoplasm," and rolls over to the microphone]
    Ed: Ectoplasm. E-C-T-O-P-L-A-S-M. Ectoplasm.
    [This brings joy to Eddy, and concearn to Ed's opponent, Edd]

  • Edd: "Gravy. G-R-A-V-I. NO, Y! Y is what I meant to say…"
    Nazz: "Ohh, sorry dude, but you know the rules. Over to you, Ed. Can you spell 'gravy'?"
    [Ed walks over to the microphone and pushes Edd away]
    Ed: "Gravy. G-R-A-V-Y. Gravy. Yum." [Applause]
    [giving Ed a ribbon] "This year's winner of the Peach Creek spelling bee is Ed!"

  • Kevin: [after having to dish Eddy a dollar] "I lost a bundle on you, double has been!"

  • Ed: [attempting to solve Jimmy's 'if X is Y what is P' equation] "Yes. Well. 2P or not 2P, that is the question!"

  • Ed: [being carried away by Eddy] "Tickle, tickle, tickle!"

  • Eddy: [promoting his latest business venture 'Egghead Ed' who is standing there looking very dweeby] "Step right up folks and behold Ed - that's one 'D' not two! This Egghead el Grande shall dot your T's and cross your I's and get you an 'A 'and that's no lie! Just 25 cents a question. Cheap!"

  • Eddy: [tired of Edd's moping speeches] "Yeah, yeah, just lemme see the cash, Hamlet."

  • Ed: [apparently back to his old self] "Bread sticks hurt my gums!"

  • Ed: [carrying Edd away] "Cookies at my house Double D, with lots of mayonnaise!"

  • Jonny: [after deciding Nazz isn't really a wood hater but being rebuffed when he wanted to hold hands] "What? You hate bald kids too?!"

"Who's Minding the Ed?"

  • [Ed and Eddy are laughing through a hole in Kevin's fence]
    Jonny: "Wow! Are you guys bus boys or something?"
    Eddy: "Jonny, quick!" [shoves Jonny's face through the fence] "Oh, look, Kevin's being attacked by a rabid rake!"
    [shows Kevin raking some leaves]
    Jonny: [gets out of hole] "Holy mackerel, Plank! Kevin's in trouble!" [to Kevin] "Watch out for those leaves!"
    [Jonny jumps over fence and attacks the rake]
    Jonny: "Take that!"
    Kevin: "Unbelievable!" [walks off]
    Jonny: "Grab his feet, Plank!"
    Eddy: [giggles] "Geronimo!"
    [Eddy jumps on top of the leaves, followed by Ed and Edd. Ed and Eddy start laughing and playing in the leaves. Kevin spots them]
    Eddy: "Run away!" [Ed and Eddy run off; Eddy jumps over, Ed crashes through]
    Kevin: "I'm on to ya, dorks! Try that again, and I'll pound ya!"
    Edd: "Oh, my goodness." [turns around and runs off] "My apologies once again, Kevin."
    Jonny: [jumps on Kevin] "WE'LL SAVE YA, KEV!"

  • [Edd finds Ed and Eddy laughing in the lane]
    Edd: "Are we quite pleased with ourselves gentlemen? I'm sure Kevin's patience with this random foliage folly is wearing thin."
    Eddy: "Kev's a feeb. Let's hit 'em again, lug nut!"
    Ed: "Hit 'em again, hit 'em again, hit 'em again!" [Rolf appears in fancy clothes behind Ed] "HAHAHA! I forgot what I said!"
    [Rolf grabs Ed and drives him off in a wagon]

  • Rolf: "Listen to Rolf carefully, brick shy of a full load Ed boy!"
    Ed: "That's me!"
    Rolf: [lists chores] "And watch the chickens, as they do not like to be separated, except for Bridget, who prefers solitude."
    Ed: [grabs Bridget (chicken)] "I can do that Rolf, for I am the best job I can be! Hug a chicken! Hug a chicken!"
    Rolf: "Rolf must go now, or Nano will give me a foot beating like no other." [puts on his fancy hat and runs off]
    Ed: "Break like the wind, Rolfy!"
    Eddy: "What's with Rolf Von stupid clothes?"
    Ed: [head-butts Eddy] "Rolf's gotta go to a family reunion and I, Ed, am responsible for his many furry friends." [hugs Bridget so hard an egg pops out]
    Eddy: "Hahaha! You're kidding, right?"
    [Ed blows a flute out of his ear and lands on Eddy. He then starts to play with the animals following him around the cul-de-sac, then into his house]

  • [Edd peeps through the door looking at the trail of dirt. He is then pushed over by Eddy]
    Eddy: "OK, sockhead! This is the part where you have some big word, smart guy way to get out of these stupid situations. Go for it." [walks away]
    Edd: [wipes dirt off] "Not this time, Eddy. Ed's given Rolf his word, and as his friends, we have an obligation to support his disconnected decision and do our part."

  • Sarah: [on phone with Jimmy] "Don't worry, Jimmy. Just keep it dry and whatever you do, don't scratch it." [something crashes downstairs, walks out of door] "I'll call you back."
    [Sarah walks downstairs to see the Eds with Rolf's animals in her kitchen]
    Sarah: "Ed! You'd better get these animals out of this house, mister, or I'm tellin' Mom!"
    Ed: "No animals here, all cramped in my rump sister of mine."
    Sarah: "NOW, STUPID HEAD!" [walks away]

  • [Ed blows his flute again and the animals follow him downstairs, to his room]
    Edd: [enters sweeping up behind] "Sarah does have a point, Ed."
    Ed: [hugs the animals] "But Double-D, they are so cute and cuddly."
    Eddy: "My favorite shirt, shot! Throw 'em out, Ed! Who needs 'em?"
    Ed: [walks off holding animals] "Inky, Dinky, stinky you."
    [Ed starts playing with stuff with them, knocks Eddy over ending up with Wilfred wearing his shirt]
    Edd: "Ed, hush! For goodness sake, Sarah's going to hear you."
    [Shows Eddy stuck to the wall, in his underwear, which he then falls off]
    Ed: "It's a four sausage fire, Double D!" [runs hose at Edd and Wilfred] "Everybody hop aboard the Ed train!"
    Sarah: [off-screen] "ED!"
    [Ed ends up flooding his room. Sarah is then seen walking down the stairs and opening Ed's door. The water doesn't flow through the door until she sees the Eds floating around. Ed then floats to the dryer where Sarah is and grabs his TV. The water level ends up going down]
    Ed: "Uh, just watching TV, Sarah. Nothing's going on here-"
    [Sarah jumps on Ed and then walks into his room. She sees Edd with a ladder and some sticky tape and Eddy squeezing water out of his shirt]
    Ed: [walks in with a TV on his head] "See?"
    Sarah: [turns TV on to see Ed] "You'd better watch your step, mister." [walks back up]
    Ed: "We sure fooled her huh guys?" [takes TV off head] "Hahahahaha."
    [animals fall from the ceiling, onto Eddy. Ed blows the flute out of his nose again and the animals follow]

  • Edd: "Just look at this filth! Our four-legged guests aren't going to clean up after themselves, you know!"
    Ed: "Hot cocoa and potato salad! Who's with me?!"
    Edd: "Edward, this charade of lies is in danger of accountability. Perhaps you should consider caring for Rolf's animals elsewhere?"
    Ed: "Hold that think!"

  • [Talking to Eddy after Eddy got crushed by an opening door]
    Rolf: "Hello, he who resembles a swollen thumb Ed boy! Hello, everyone! Once again a family fracas has ended the mirth of Rolf's family gathering. Oh well, time to go, yes?" [animals enter Rolf's wagon] "Please pass on Rolf's gratitude to the lacking chin Ed boy! Goodbye!"
    Ed: "Who's up for some hockey? Fore! Where did everybody go?"
    Edd: "Uh…"
    Ed: "Oh I get it, hide and seek. Ok! Ready or not here I come! Hello? Ok, furry friends, you win! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
    Edd: "Um, excuse me, Ed, but it seems Rolf returned, um, a tad early and gathered his-"
    [Eddy throws Edd out of the way]
    Eddy: "Yeah, he took all his pets and hauled 'em back to his dump."
    Ed: [Starts to cry] "Say it isn't so! Come back, little ones! I miss my furry friends, guys!"
    Eddy: "Ah, you're better off without 'em, blubberpuss."
    Ed: "Don't talk to me."
    Edd: "Eddy, can't you see Ed has developed a bond of friendship with Rolf's creatures? We own to help him through this difficult time of separation."
    Eddy: "What, again? What about my difficult time of having you on my back through this whole show?! Hey! I got an idea of a friend who can help old sad sack here."
    Edd: "Do tell, Eddy."

  • Eddy: "Huh? What'd I tell ya, Ed? Isn't he fuzzy and cuddly or what?"
    Ed: "Can I keep him, Eddy?!"
    [Edd is dressed in a bunny costume]
    Edd: "Ha ha ha, yes, very good, Eddy. I think you made your point quite clear. Oh, I'll admit I may have been a tad bit overbearing today, but not without good intentions and concern for Ed's safe and well-" [Ed starts to squeeze Edd]
    Ed: "Hug the bunny, hug the bunny! Awww! Look, he likes me Eddy!" [Ed starts to pet Double-D very hard] "Purr like a bunny, purr like a bunny, purr like a bunny!"
    Edd: "RABBITS DON'T PURR, ED! Wait! Don't leave me, Eddy!"
    Eddy: "Not this time, sockhead. I've got an obligation." [pulls up a booth] "Pet the bunny! Only 25 cents!"
    Edd: "Eddy!"

Pick an Ed

  • Edd: "Why, Eddy? Why, I ask you? Yet another detention for you and I. It's all fun and games until academic grades fall, mister."
    Eddy: "Ah, lighten up. It builds character, Sockhead. Did you see how big that vein got on the teacher's head when he started yelling? Man, I thought I was gonna bust!"
    Edd: "The teacher had every right to be upset, Eddy! Why, just the electrical rewiring of that room will take weeks!"
    Eddy: "Hahah! You should have seen the look on your face, Sockhead!"
    Ed: "And did you see the look on Ed's face? I almost wet my eyebrow, guys! Chump here sure knows funny."
    [Ed and Eddy laugh]
    Eddy: "Who you callin' chump?!"
    Ed: "Look!" [Reads the writing on the wall] "Eddy is a no neck chump. Can I have your autograph?"
    Edd: "Good lord! Who in their right mind would deface a sanctum of education!?"
    Eddy: "Somebody who's out to ruin my good name, that's who! It's a smear campaign, I tell ya!"
    Edd: "Oh, come now, Eddy. This is in no way a greater scheme to ruin your reputation. Why, I think you've done a good job of that on your own."

  • Edd: "What in heaven's name are you doing?! Searching in the lost and found?! Has this whole school gone mad?!"
    Ed: "Not me, Double D! I'm in my happy place, 'cause Chumpy, the no-neck Eddy, has a plan!"

  • Edd: "Have you ever had one of those days, Ed?"
    Ed: "Every day of my life, Double D!"

  • Ed: "Look! A new kid! My name is Ed, friend. Well it's just 'Ed', not 'Ed, friend.' I am Ed and you are friend, so-"
    Eddy: "Howdy, Ed! My name's umm… Carl. My family just flew in from… Ecuador."
    Ed: "Eddy's gonna like you, Carl."
    Eddy: "Bingo."
    Ed: "Oh Eddy! Come and meet Carl, Eddy! Eddy?"

  • Rolf: "This alphabet F confounds Rolf to no end! Fooey! Rolf would not line Wilfred's plumbing cave with such dribble!"
    Eddy: "Howdy, I'm new in town and-" [hat slumps] "-was wondering if-"
    Rolf: "Rolf shares in your awkwardness, as Rolf too is a stranger in this strange land. A son of shepherd. Past the drift of the far distant shore."
    Ed: "Rolf, have you seen this no neck chump?"
    Rolf: "The snake in the grass Ed boy is missing?"
    Ed: "Yep, if you see him, bind him with duct-tape as he does not play well with others and has been known to dribble."
    Rolf: "Is this so?"

  • Jonny: "We're playing hockey, and you can be shortstop!"
    Kevin: "Don't listen to clueless, Carl. So, you good for some extra yards after that catch, bro?"
    Jonny: "Plank says we need to break the new kid in."
    Kevin: "Right. Dogpile on the new kid!"
    Jonny: "Woohoo!"
    Kevin: "Righteous!"
    Nazz: "Yeah!"
    Sarah: "Dogpile on the new kid!"
    Jimmy: "I do too, sucka!"
    Jonny: "Did you hear my back crack?!"
    Nazz: "Isn't this fun? Hi, I'm Nazz. What's your name?"
    Eddy: "Umm… I forget. No wait! Uhhh- Carl, yeah."
    Ed: "People! I have lost my Eddy. Trip you might over him, as he is short and squirrels like to pelt him with nuts."
    Jimmy: "My wish has come true, Sarah! Eddy's disappeared!"
    Sarah: "Good riddance."
    Eddy: "So Kevin, who is this good lookin' Eddy Kid anyway?"
    Kevin: "Don't sweat it, Carl. Something you'll never be. A dork!"
    Eddy: "Thanks, guy."
    Jonny: "Watch me, Carl! One potato, two potato, three potato, four!"
    [Jonny hits Kevin with a football]
    Jonny: "It's a home run, buddy!"
    Kevin: "Carl, help me lug this guy!"

  • Edd: "Well, Carl, have you found this perpetrator of your smear campaign yet?"
    Eddy: "Double D, somethings really messed up here. They're all been nice! Too nice! Feels like they're sitting me up for something."
    Edd: "As foreign as it may sound to you, it's called acceptance, Carl. Unlike Eddy, Carl has done nothing to ostracize himself from the group dynamic. Carl has a clean slate, if you will."
    Eddy: "No foolin'?"
    Ed: "Have you seen my Eddy? His turn-on's are full length mirrors, greasy hair products, and yelling. LOTS OF YELLING!"
    Eddy: "Looks like a loser to me."
    Edd: "But that loser is you, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Not anymore, kid. That dork's hit the trail. From now on, it's the good life with Carl, kid. That's me! Nice guy."
    Edd: "But Eddy, there is no CARL!"
    Kevin: "Whoa, Carl's here. You know these two dorks?"
    Eddy: "Not likely, friend. I wouldn't hang with these wash-outs if they were that last two dorks on Earth."
    Kevin: "Hahaha! Right on! You're awesome, man."
    Edd: "Well, I never! Of all the no good-! Ed, Eddy's tossed us aside the shallow allure of the in-crowd."
    Ed: "I miss my Eddy, Double D!"
    Edd: "Worry not, dear Ed. I have a suspicion that Eddy will be back sooner than he thinks."

  • Ed: "Somewhere my Eddy is cold and alone, and will soon have to resort to having to eating his own body parts in order to survive, Double D!"
    Edd: "Perhaps a rest from televison tonight, yes Ed?"

  • Kevin: "Man, what's with all the new kids?"
    Nazz: "Kinda nice; the more the merrier."
    Jonny: "I bet they're gonna take over and get us expelled!"
    Jimmy: "Do you think so, Sarah?"
    Sarah: "Jonny's an idiot, Jimmy."

Truth or Ed

  • Edd: "Are you ready to take that first step into the exciting world of journalism?"
    Ed: "As long as I don't get any on my shoes, Double D! My mom has got new carpet."

  • Eddy: [trying to be picked for the basketball game] "Hey guys! Wake up! Yoohoo! What are ya, blind? I'm red hot, baby! Right here! Pick me! Come on! The light don't get any greener! Eddy goin' once, Eddy goin' twice, sold to the guy with-"
    Rolf: [throws the ball at Eddy, agitated from his constant talking] "His shrieks rip through Rolf like Nana's cabbage stew!"

  • Eddy: "Yeah, right. I'd rather wear Ed's underwear for a week."
    Ed : "Not today, Eddy. I'm flying solo!"

  • Ed: "Extra! Extra! Nazz kicked off cheerleading squad!"
    Sarah: "What?! Let me see that!"
    Jimmy: [gleefully looking at a badly constructed splice of Nazz with monkey legs] "Ohhh, Bobby Blabby says head cheerleader Nazz was let go for refusing to shave her legs!"

  • Edd: [looking for a scoop] "My sources tell me that the knitting club is attempting to darn the world's largest doily!"
    Eddy: [sarcastic] "Wow! That's like the scoop of a lifetime, Double-D! You'd better whoop it on over there before their arteries harden!"

  • Rolf: [reading article about Jonny] "Jonny 2x4 forged into his nostrils and found the lost city of Atlantis yesterday!"
    Jonny: [reading the paper] "Hey Rolf! Did you hear about Kevin having the biggest collection of spandex bike shorts under his mattress?"
    Rolf: [looking inside Jonny's nose] "Rolf sees no city! Only darkness and sesame seeds, yes?"

  • Nazz: [holding a paper to Sarah] "I know it was you who went to Bobby Blabby with that hairy leg story, monkey-face!"
    Sarah: [shocked and angered] "WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!"

  • Edd: "I have no idea what you're talking about!"
    Kevin: [hands the newspaper] "Who wrote this stuff?!"
    Edd: [looking at the paper] "Miniature aliens? Hairy legs? Lost cities and… spandex bicycle shorts? Who indeed is Bobby Blabby?" [Eddy attempts to sneak off with the money] "Eddy? Care to explain?"
    Eddy: [nervously] "What? Uhh… Couldn't tell ya. Sounds like a jerk-" [The coins fall out of Eddy's hat]
    Ed: "You dropped your loot, Bippy Boo-boo!"
    Eddy: "IT'S BOBBY BLABBY! GET IT RIGHT!" [Eddy puts his hands against his mouth, realizing he has said the wrong thing] "Oops."

  • Kevin: "Better spill the beans, Mister Ed-itor, or you're paper-pulp!"

  • [Eddy is forced into knitting a doily]
    Edd: "'Eddy demands desolation on distinguished doily.' Sounds like a front pager."
    Ed: "Smells like a back pager."
    Eddy: [gloomily] "I hate doilies."

This Won't Hurt an Ed

  • Ed: [In shock from a needle] "NEEDLE?!"

  • Jonny: "Me and Plank are next, nurse assistant Double D!" [Pulls down pants and shows Edd his bare butt]
    Edd: [Covering face with book] "GOOD LORD, JONNY! MAKE YOURSELF DECENT, MAN!"

  • Kevin: [incredulous as Rolf kicks him] "Hey, man, what gives?"
    Rolf: "Rolf honors Kevin with the Posterior Punt of Praise!"

  • Edd: [looking despairingly at the mess on the floor] "Oh dear, do you have any idea how long it took me to arrange in alpha-numerical order those confidential student files Ed? Do you?"
    Ed: "Was it longer than a bread box?"

  • [Ed has brought Eddy over to the medical room for a booster]
    Ed: "I found him the science cupboard pretending to be a stuffed beaver, Double D!"

  • Ed: [sagely] "A good buttock finds its own bench, Eddy!"

  • Rolf: [groveling to Edd] "Double D Ed-Boy, Rolf begs you, take this jar of Mama's spicy olive balls and be quick with your pain-filled poke."

Tinker Ed

  • Sarah: [reading to Jimmy] "The little fairy, so little was she her boat fitted inside a pea!"
    Jimmy: "Inside a pea? Dreamy!"

  • Rolf: "How is it that the others know of Rolf's load of bologna?"

  • Kevin: [to Rolf] "Dude. What's with the bag? Lotta' homework tonight, huh?"
    Rolf: [hesitantly] "Yes, homework. Rolf has much… eh, homework! Certainly not a load of bologna." [pause] "We have finished talking! Goodbye!" [scurries away]

  • Ed: [to Jimmy] "Don't count your beans before they hatch, little fella!"

  • Eddy: [responding to Edd's Kodak moment] "That's just the kind of guy I am, Double D. I'm all heart. Right, Ed?"
    Ed: [jubilant] "Beans, beans are good for your heart, the more you eat the more you-"
    Eddy: "Shut up, Ed!" [drags Ed with his lip]

  • Eddy: [watching Jimmy grab the 'unicorn'] "Petting costs extra!"

  • Edd: [gasping for air after being in the 'unicorn' suit] "Gracious, Ed! You could have at least left your shoes on!"

  • Eddy: [riding on Ed's head] "C'mon, Double D, the candy store awaits!"
    Ed: "And it's waiting a lot…" [hoping Eddy won't hear] "…big butt!"
    Eddy: "Huh? What's that supposed to mean? I ate a big breakfast. So what?"

  • Eddy: [to Edd] "Reminds me of the day my brother told me cartoons weren't real."
    Ed: [horrified] "Say it isn't so, Eddy!"
    Eddy: "Yup, growing up sure stinks."

  • Rolf: [lying in the woods, swollen with all the bologna he's eaten] "Mama! A purging for Rolf, I beg you!"

  • Nazz: [to Rolf after finding him with a giant stomach after eating the load of bologna] "Rolf, are you okay? You don't look so good."
    Rolf: "Too late, vultures. Rolf has taken care of his load of bologna," [slaps his fat belly] "FOR GOOD!"

The Good, The Bad and The Ed

  • Rolf: [reacting to Eddy's mockery] "Ahhh, Rolf sees the Urban Rangers are far too demanding for one whose head resembles a side table to a couch." [sets a doily and a cup of coffee on Eddy's head. Ed dunks a slice of toast in the cup as everyone laughs]

  • Eddy: "I smell a chicken!"
    Ed: "A chicken, Eddy?"
    Eddy: "Yep. A big Urban free-ranger chicken! I've got a badge for you, mister chicken! How about the "go home and lay an egg" badge?! HAHAHAHAHA!"
    Rolf: "Enough! Your mockery of the domestic fowl insults Rolf!"

  • Eddy: "Birthday suits?"
    Ed: "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!"

  • Eddy: "I'll throw in the towel when it's laundry day, Double-D!"

  • Rolf: [dangling from the pendulum] "As it is said in your country, LET HER ROCK!"

  • Ed: [watching the battered Eddy wake up] "Awwww, can I play with him, Double D?"
    Edd: "Ed, don't touch."

  • Rolf: "Do not touch the badge, urchins of processed cheese spread!"

  • Eddy: [after learning that he's lost by default] "ONE LOUSY SECOND!?"

Tight End Ed

  • Edd and Eddy: "Since when does Ed shower!?"

  • Rolf: "Rolf knows of this offense! As Nana has the body odor of a well-fermented yak."

  • Jimmy: [waving pom poms] "A blast from the past, now here to stay…"
    Sarah: [waving pom poms] "Peach Creek Jr High's got something to say…"
    Nazz: [announcing Ed's arrival] "Don't look now, he's on the move! Our Peach Creek guy got a brand new groove!"

  • Ed: [scratching up chunks of turf with his feet like a demented chicken and showering it onto a Lumpers football shirt] "It's pie in the eye for Lemon Brook Jr. High! Lumpers are bad, and they ain't got no chance, so go home and wet your pants!"

  • Edd: [attempting to cheer everyone up at the loss of the game] "It's not if you win or lose, it's how you play!" [quietly] "sort of…"

  • Ed: [waving farewell to Eddy] "See you at the mascot convention, Clobberer Guy!"

'Tween a Rock and an Ed Place

  • Ed: [enthusiastically rubbing himself with the old gym bag] "Do we reek of sweat or what, Double D?"
    Edd: [mightily distressed] "My brain hasn't correlated that yet, Ed."

  • Eddy: [on the way to the party] "Okay, here's the drill, head for the cheese dip first. My brother told me that that's where all the chicks hang out!"

  • Jonny: [brandishing a mammoth jar] "New game! Plank says, 'how many peas are in the jar?'"
    Ed: [looking at huge jar of peas and beans] "Three?"
    Edd: [calculating avidly] "976?"
    Ed: [watching jar smash on floor] "Two?"

  • Jonny and Ed: [singing happily] "Never ending party! Never ending party! Never ending party!"

All Eds Are Off

  • Eddy: [panicking in the pool] "Argh! The dam's burst! Man the lifeboats! Women and me first! This early morning stuff's killing me." [a bucket hits him] "Hey, watch it, Ahab! Trying to catch a few winks here!"

  • Eddy: "Great! So I end up with a detention because of your stupid eating habits!"
    Ed: "Is it that time already? Oh, gravy cakes. Yum."
    Edd: "Excuse me, Ed, but don't you feel this daily diet of gravy may be detrimental to your health?"
    [Ed just stares at Edd]
    Eddy: "I swear he's obsessed with the stuff! It's stashed here [lifts up Ed's shirt, revealing several gravy boats filled with gravy taped to his chest], hides it there [takes off Ed's shoe, pouring gravy out of it]. I bet you couldn't go a lousy day without your lousy gravy, Ed."
    Ed: [as he takes out a thermos filled with gravy] "Says you."
    Eddy: "SO PROVE IT!" [Ed drops his thermos of gravy and covers his ears]
    Ed: "AAAAH! Your voice is like toothpicks in my drumsticks, Eddy!"
    Edd: [primly] "I agree Ed, I've always wished Eddy could communicate in a tone of voice that didn't rattle the timbers of every house in a four-block vicinity."
    [Eddy seethes, clearly trying to think of a response to Edd]
    Ed: "Don't touch that dial, kids!"
    Eddy: "And what about you, Mr. Encyclopediac?! I bet I can stop yelling way before you could stop using those big fancy schmancy words of yours."
    Jonny: "Plank says Double D would go wacky if he only used words with one syllable."
    Eddy: "Ha! Even the door stop's got you pegged!"
    Kevin: "Awww, Dork, Dork and Dorky are having a little tiff. Ain't it precious?" [he and Nazz laugh] "What dorks."
    Rolf: "Always with this 'duck' word, yes, Kevin-Boy? Rolf would wager his love of mammal flesh and 25 cents that you cannot renounce this label for the mixed-nuts Ed-Boys!"
    Eddy: "25 cents?!"
    Kevin: "What? I can give up saying 'dork' just like that." [snaps fingers]
    Eddy: [to Jonny] "Think you could go a whole day without that chunk of termite food telling you what to do?"
    Jonny: [uneasily] "Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy, Eddy. Right, Plank?"
    Eddy: "Sounds like we got ourselves a bet! So, what do you say, boys? Ya in or what?"
    Kevin: "I'm in."
    Rolf: "Rolf will partake."
    Jonny: "This is gonna be a hoot!"
    Ed: "No gravy or bust."
    Edd: "Very well, then. I welcome the challenge to my vast resource of the english word."
    Kevin: "Yo, Nazz. Want in on this action?"
    Nazz: "As if."
    Edd: "Then may the best..." [clears throat] "...gentleman win."

  • [Eddy has just noticed Rolf emptying meat out of his locker, but causes him to bump into Sarah]
[Eddy is just about to yell at Sarah, but soon remembers the bet. Kevin and Rolf take notice]
Rolf: "Hello."
Eddy: [to Sarah] "Nice try, windbag."

  • Kevin: [cracking first] "Nice catch ya- DOOOOOORK! Dork! Dork! Dorkin' Dorky! DORK!" [he stops and cracks his neck and back with a sigh] "Man, that felt good!"

  • Edd: "Must fold socks."
    Eddy: "Let's see here - Conchi-in-chous? What kinda bunk word is that? [Uses a pen to blot out the word in the dictonary] Oh, here's another one. Temperamental. Well I don't know about you, but that's just plain stupid." [Uses the pen to blot out the word "Temperamental". Edd becomes scared, starting to sweat]

  • Eddy: [getting to Jonny through jealousy] "What's that, Plank? You want me to what? Move all your stuff to my house? You wanna boss me around instead? And hang out with someone with a normal sized head? You're a riot, pal o'mine!"
    Jonny: [snapping] "Nobody takes orders from this chunk of termite food except ME! Nuts to your stupid bet, homewrecker!"

  • Ed: [Sucking on the cafeteria table. Due to the bet, he is unable to eat gravy] "Table gouda kinda tastes like gravy."

  • Eddy: [thinking he has won the bet] "I win! Ha ha ha! Am I loud enough for ya, Double D?! How about now?! No?! HOW ABOUT NOW?!?"

Smile for the Ed

  • Jonny: [staring at the disheveled Jimmy] "Wow Plank, you & Jimmy order clothes from the same catalog! How cool is that?"
    Jimmy: [wailing] "I'm so generic!"

  • Ed: [watching the snail festoon him with ooze] "I'm pretty! Oh so pretty!"

  • Ed: "Don't touch that dial, kids!"

  • Jonny: [after he & Plank have had their photo taken] "Whaddya' mean, you think you blinked?"

  • Kevin: [showing Eddy's photo around] "Get a load of prune-face!"
    Rolf: "Rolf has seen prunier."

  • Eddy: "I can't give this to my Mom! I look like I'm getting my temperature taken."
    Edd: "Surely it's not that bad, Eddy." [glances at picture] "Uh, isn't your mother farsighted?"

  • Ed: "Pronto's my middle name! No wait, it's Horace!"

  • Edd: [impersonating the Principal] "Good Afternoon, Students of Peach Creek Jr. High. This is your principal speaking with a very important… uhh… announcement. Very good, ahem. All copies of student Eddy's school photograph are to be returned to him immediately. Failure to comply will warrant detention for everyone for the rest of the semester. Thank you."
    Kevin: "Bummer."
    Eddy: "You heard the man!"
    Edd: "Did I just do that? I did, didn't I? I just impersonated the Principal! Made false declarations in his name! Ohhh what have I done?"

  • Eddy: "Talk about adding insects to injury. Two hours of stinking cleanup, plus, a week's worth of detention for impersonating the Principal. I don't even remember doing that!"

Run Ed Run

  • Jimmy: [hearing Sarah's plan] "Sarah, that's so devilish. I love it!"

  • Edd: [ascending rump-first towards the ceiling as his pockets are filled with balloons] "Curse this small stature of mine."

  • Ed: [to Eddy, frantically] "The sky is falling! The sky is falling, Eddy! It hit me on the head! It did!"
    Eddy: "You're probably just growing a brain, Lumpy."

  • Ed: [panicking] "Don't worry, my Doom Room has enough food to support three lives for-" [opens the fridge and freezer to find them empty] "Go Fish?"

  • Jonny: "Well what do you know?" [pause, before Jonny's mood enlightens] "We get the bumpity-bump back seats!"

  • Edd: [after they hit the sky, it creaks] "We hit the sky?!" [pause] "This is impossible!"
    [a piece of the sky falls down]
    Eddy: "Ed was right! The sky is falling!"
    Ed: [sarcastically] "Thank you very much."

  • Ed: [seeing Sarah so stuffed with candy she can barely move] "Sarah's face is being devoured by the sky!"

A Town Called Ed

  • Rolf: "Very well, Rolf will include himself once again in sharing yet another of your menial customs and all the time wonder why."

  • Ed: "Cock-a-doodle-doo! I am a salvage moose!"
    Eddy: [trying to get Ed to go away] "Move it or get turned into moose chops!"

  • Ed: "See you at the next thing we can't go to, Kevin!"

  • Jonny: "Plank says the last one in front of Kevin's TV is a you-know-what!"

  • Rolf: "Rolf's tractor would squash these puny doohickies like the ticks that cling to Victor's tuckus."

  • Kevin: [mocking the Eds] "Nice bus boy outfits. Dorks!"
    Ed: [silent as the penny drops and then happily] "We're going on a bus! We're going on a bus! We're going on a bus!"

  • Edd: [looking] "It's the missing page. '…And the entirety of the founder's land was signed over thusly to one who bested him in a gambling match-' Lord Kanker…?"

  • Sarah: "I hate public access!"

  • The Eds: [about to be smooched by the Kankers again] "History is so unkind!"

A Fistful of Ed

  • Rolf: [holding up a nubbin of pencil] "Head-in-sock Ed-Boy, Rolf requires your assistance. Might you have a spare writing stick? Rolf's has been reduced to that of the size of a baby's wazoo!"

  • Rolf: [Supposedly after being beaten up by Edd] "Rolf would have taken a simple, 'No, not today', yes?"

  • Eddy: "I'm gonna go make Nazz rub my feet!"

  • Jimmy: [frantic] "What do you want from me?! Take my money, my comb, my moisturizing lotions!"

  • Edd: [bawling and opens his eyes] "THIS ENDS…" [points his finger diagonally to the lower left side] "…NOW!"

  • Jimmy: "Viciousness, thy name is Double D."

  • Ed: [talking to his egg, Double G] "So, little Double G. Seeing as my old pal Double D is now a nasty McDuster Knuckles, you are going to be my new friend. What would you like to do today?"
    Double G: [voiced by Ed] "I, Double G, am gentle unlike that evil Double D you speak of. Shall we talk about fossils and dish soap?"
    Ed: "Double D used to talk about dish soap, all the time!"

  • Jimmy: [looking at the flower] "Double D! You cross-pollinated a rose with a baby blue gymsock! Only hands as gentle as hummingbirds wings could have spliced those together!"

  • Jimmy: [trying to attack Eddy] "You're crème brulee, mister!"

  • Eddy: "Look out everybody! Jimmy looks like he's gonna blow up! Oh wait, he already did when we turned him into a sumo wrestler, remember?" [laughs]

  • Rolf: [after Jimmy beat up Edd ina fighting match] "The reign of the head-in-sock tyrant has ceased!"

  • Eddy: [to the Kankers as they continue to tease Edd] "He's had ENOUGH ALREADY!"
    [Kankers look in amazement and fear]
    Eddy: "BEAT IT!" [the Kankers put Edd down and walk away]
    Ed: "Good one, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Vultures!"

  • Eddy: [eats that hot dog and talks with his mouth full, angrily] "Is everyone happy? Good! Jeez!"

Season 6

May I have this Ed?

  • Edd: "It seems I did learn something from your brother's book. After all, I did get to dance with Nazz."
    Ed: "And I got Wilfred's phone number, guys!"
    Eddy: "You're an idiot, Ed."

  • Ed: "This is my friend Sheldon… uh, Junior."

Look Before You Ed

  • Jimmy: [after struggling to make a snow angel] "I pulled my funny bone, Sarah. Owie!"

  • Eddy: [after being pelted with a snowball by Ed] "Better make a will, Ed!"

  • Jimmy: [enjoying the Safety Cadets patrol] "Isn't this exciting?"
    Eddy: [not impressed whatsoever] "Yeah, like a faucet leak!"

  • Jonny: [after making himself a human snowman] "Quit laughing at me, Plank! I told you I would make a good snowman. So there!"

  • Eddy: [listening to Double D tell Kevin he should wear a safety helmet when snowboarding] "Hah! Box-head don't need no helmet, he's already dead from the neck up!"

  • Kevin: [seeing the Eds in their prison] "Ha ha, it's dorks on ice, right on!"
    Rolf: "Yes, Rolf finally feels safe enough to appear in this episode."


Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jingle Jingle Jangle

  • Eddy: "A dickie? They still make these?"
    [He opens the next present only to find it was socks]
    Eddy: "Say it ain't so!" [He opens the last one and finds a fluffy pajama, he starts to drool like a dog with rabies]
    [He shoots it to the lantern, and it hits a mirror sending the light to the sky, then it's directed to the Trailer Park]

Ed, Edd n Eddy's Hanky Panky Hullabaloo

  • Rolf: "You tickle Rolf's radish."

Ed, Edd n Eddy's Boo Haw Haw

  • Eddy: "Stupid teacher! Can you believe the nerve of this guy? Dishin' up detentions on Halloween!"
    Edd: "You reap what you sow, Eddy. You filled the teacher's desk with processed cheese. A straight violation of school code."
    Eddy: "Ed's the violation, come on! I've got something's gonna make this the coolest Halloween ever!"


  • Eddy: "Oh, Lumpenstein!"
    Eddy: "Hey, Ed! You're never gonna believe this. Watch what I've got."
    Eddy: "Hey! See? Uplook, stupid! Blink or something, will ya? You're scaring me, Ed!"
    Edd: "Good lord! Look at all these video tapes."
    Eddy: "What's with this guy?"
    Edd: "Sitting in front of a television for excessive periods of time can induce a trance-like state and even rewire his susceptible brain."
    Eddy: "Brain!? WHAT BRAIN!?"
    Ed: "It's Halloween, guys! The night when ghosts and goblins come out and play!"
    Eddy: "You just wait, Lumpy, I got stick the directions to the creepiest, monsterous neighborhood in the land! It's called SPOOK-E-VILLE! I got them from my brother, folks give out buckets and buckets of candy! Am I the man, Ed?"
    Ed: "You're the man, Eddy!"
    Eddy: "Spook-e-ville, Ed!"
    Edd: "May I? Thank you. Well, I see a choses pendmentship runs in the family. I highly doubt you find anything with this, Eddy. Let alone a Spook-e-ville."
    Eddy: "What you tryin' to do, ruin my... um, Ed's Hallowen?"
    Edd: "Well, I suppose I could..."
    Ed: "Spook-e-ville, Double D! Vampires, goblins and bats, oh my, vampires, goblins and bats, oh my!"

  • Eddy: "Woo-hoohoohoo! Come on, boys, it's trick or treat time!"
    Ed: "Wait for me, Zombie Elvis!"
    Eddy: "Nice nut costume, Lumpy."
    Ed: "I am Lothar! Viking! Protector of Manto Zuma! Mice."
    Eddy: "Hey, ain't this my spatula?"
    Edd: "Aren't I frightening?"
    Eddy: "What the heck are you supposed to be?"
    Edd: " Guess, Eddy. I am less tha 5 micrometers tall, yet I pack a truly terrifying punch. Don't get too close to me, or I may infect you. In the dark ages I caused millions of deaths. The Bubonic Plague, I'm the Bubonic Plague!"
    Ed: "Like on your teeth?"
    Edd: "No! Not plaque! Plague! PLAGUE!"

  • Ed: "I am Lothar! Slayer of the undead, and justice for all!"

  • Ed: "EARTH IS NOT YOUR SALAD BAR!" [Hits Jimmy with a STOP sign]

  • Jimmy: "Ed attacked me, Sarah! He was so hairy!"

  • Jimmy: "Be gentle!"

  • Ed: "Cafè au laìt!"

  • Rolf: "Hello, head shy-of-a-full-load Ed-boy!"

  • Eddy: [When he finds out he's ended up back in the Cul-de-Sac] "Man, is my brother a jerk or what?!"
  • Ed: [Upon seeing Nazz] "Do not look her in the eyes, lest you turn to stone!"

The Eds are Coming

  • [We are directed in Jimmy's dreams]
    Jimmy: "Good morning, world!"
    [He sings his usual lullabies, then as he walks his teddy bears walk with him, when the logo sucks the CN logo and shifts in its own, then a butterfly takes out his pijama hat, and then, birds comb his hair]
    Jimmy: "I'm so awesome!"
    [Then he directs to a railroad sign and jumps right into the tiny train]
    Mr. Sun: "Good day, Jimmy!"
    Jimmy: "Good day, Mr. Sun!" [grabs a giant lollipop] "Candy, candy, candy! Felicitations, fellow children of the Cul-de-Sac." [he passes over through candy-in-their-mouths Nazz, Kevin and Rolf]
    Kevin: "Felicitations to you too, dear Jimmy!"

  • [the Eds are being spanked by an enormous doll]
    Eddy: "Havoc?" [whack!] "Oh, like the fish!"
    Edd: "That's 'haddock', Eddy." [whack!]
    Ed: "My buttocks has a haddock!"

  • [Jimmy encounters Sarah then, but huge saw cuts the Cul-de-Sac in half separating the two, he tries to get to Sarah, but fails, and hangs over his life through a pipe, then huge, sharp points lift the Cul-de-Sac, the pipe breaks and he falls, but wakes up realizing that it was only a dream. Thank Heavens, he's OK]

  • [The impact from the crashing meteor sends waves of wind bursting into the kids, causing them to be blown into a streetlight]
    Sarah: "Holy Moly!"
    Edd: "The playground!"
    Kevin: "Follow me!"
    [They reach the playground and they see a hideous green smoke and as soon as the others arrive they see a green meteorite that looks like a giant cheese wheel]
    Edd: "What in Heavens' name is that?"
    Kevin: "Whatever it is, it reeks."
    [A hand crawls out of the meteor causing everybody to panic and run for a hiding place, leaving Kevin alone. He takes a glance at the meteor, realizing it cracked in two pieces]
    Kevin: "It hatched, man!"
    [Then we see Jonny 2x4 and Plank hiding in the bottom of a nearby chair]

  • Ed: "Don't look at the camera. Don't look at the camera."

  • Ed: "Issue 14, Zombie Aliens from Planet Rhubarb states: 'More than often it is required to bait said aliens with a human female to lure potential flesh consuming extraterrestrials from their lair.'"
    Nazz: "That's so dumb!"
    [Everyone surrounds Nazz and it fades to her being tied/dressed up in front of Rolf's house]

    Edd: "I hope you're going to pick those up."
    [after having thrown all the bowling balls at Rolf's House and hitting only the fence around it]

  • Rolf: [Grabs Eddy as he runs out the door and drags him back inside] "Ed boy, you must stay. Nana sees the foot-rest potential in your flat-as-a-pancake head."
    Eddy: "Ahhh no! Let me go, I don't wanna be an ottoman! Help! Ed! Double D!" [Ed hurls a trash can full of bowling balls towards Rolf's house. They all miss and roll around his house]

  • Sarah: "THEY GOT ME!"
    Ed: "I'm coming baby sister!"
    Eddy: "No, Ed!" [Eddy then pulls Ed] "Those aliens will suck your brain out!" [Eddy sees Jimmy in the mailbox and pull it sending Jimmy to Sarah]

  • Eddy: [seeing the aliens coming out of Rolf's house] "There's so many of them!" [with dollar signs in his eyes] "I'M GONNA BE SUPER RICH!"

Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show

  • Edd: "'In case of movie break glass?!'"
    Eddy: "Bingo!" [breaks the container] "My bro's always prepared!" [grabs the peanut] "A peanut?"
    Ed: [gets in the middle of Edd and Eddy] "Cheap movie."

  • Ed: "I am Ed! Cheese and macaroni!"

  • Eddy: "Double D! You got any bright ideas?"
    [Shows Edd throwing up]

  • Eddy: "If only you had a brain, Ed."
    Ed: "Ow, come on, Eddy, have a heart!"
    Edd: "Courage, COURAGE, EDDWARD!"
  • Eddy: "'Wah-ha-ha-ha! What a Chump!"

  • Rolf: "Shed tears no more, fuss-bucket Nazz girl. Rolf will unearth the Ed-boys and squash them like the parasite that infects Wilfred's tuckus! This is Rolf's word! ...Ducks..."

  • Rolf: "Wilfred! You interrupt Rolf's study! Do you think this is party time for 1999? NO!"

  • Ed: "I smell my fingers after I eat cheese."

  • Eddy: "We did it, Double D! Everyone loves us! We're finally in, baby!"
    Edd: "And it only took 130 episodes, 4 specials and a movie, Eddy!"

  • Jonny: [looking at Plank] "What? There's no time left? It's the end of the movie? What movie?!"


The Eds

All of the Eds

  • Ed: "Because I am a brother and Eddy's brother is a brother and Eddy is a brother to Eddy's brother as a brother I am."
    Edd: "Um, nicely put, Ed."
    Eddy: "Oh brother."
  • Edd: "Exposed!"
    Eddy: "Busted."
    Ed: "Nope. Can't think of a word."
  • Eddy: "Kankers!"
    Edd: "Retreat!"
    Ed: "Extreme close-up!"
  • Edd: "Ed! Do you realize you've opened my door for hundreds of tiny insects, manifested in filth and diseases?!"
    Eddy: "You just had to get him started, didn't you, Ed?"
  • Ed: [trying to get goggles on] "Evil! Bad!"
    Edd: "Here, Ed. Let me help-" [Edd smells Ed's lucky cheese, turns white, holds his nose, and scampers toward Eddy.] "Eddy! There's a horrible odor coming from you-know-who."
    Ed: [goggles on in an awkward manner] "North to Alaska."
    Eddy: "Ed stinks? So what else is new?"
    Edd: "Not like this, Eddy! I think I'm gonna be sick." [He runs off.]
    Eddy: "What about my scam?"
    Ed: "Maybe his mommy called him." [in a falsetto] "Come home, Eddward, and pickle your feet!"
    Eddy: [holding his nose and pushing Ed away] "Pee-yew, Ed! Did something crawl on you and die?"
    Eddy: "Hang on there, Hamlet!" [He laughs.]
    Ed: "Too rich, huh Double D?"
    Edd: "LISTEN TO ME!"
    Eddy: "How can we not?"
  • Edd: "Tell me, Ed. What flavor is it?"
    Eddy: "Does it taste like a FIST?!"
    Ed: "Um, nope. It sorta tastes like chicken."
  • Eddy: [fighting over their only Slovak jawbreaker] "Get off! Now we only got one!"
    Edd: "You're saying it's MY fault we lost the other jawbreaker!?"
    Eddy: "Face it, Orville, you failed!"
    Edd: "Oh, now you've done it!" [He weakly pushes Eddy.] "Take that!"
  • Eddy: "Can you guys give me a hand?"
    Ed: (extends Edd's hand) "Found one!"
    Edd: "This joke is older than my mesozoic fossil collection, Ed."
  • Eddy: "Enough torture! Let's get outta here and collect our jaw- what the-?!" [spotting a spider on the doorknob] "Hit the road!"
    [He flicks the spider, and the doorknob falls off the door and rolls into a hole.]
    Edd: "Tell me that didn't happen!"
    Ed: "That didn't happen."
    Eddy: [trying to use his finger to open the door] "Nothing a little 'Eddy magic' wouldn't fix." [His finger gets stuck.] "My finger's stuck, guys!"
    Ed: "Good trick, Eddy! My turn!" [inhales] "I am the cotton swab! Release the wax, Ear-person!"
    Edd: "You're scaring me more than usual, Ed! Please pull Eddy loose so we can leave!"
    Eddy: "Careful, Ed. I bruise like a banana."
  • Eddy: [referring to girls] "We need to find our more sensitive side."
    Ed: "I found my sensitive side, 'cause it has a rash."
    Edd: [sarcastically] "Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed."
  • Eddy: "Now, what do girls like?"
    Ed: "Sarah likes to watch me eat yogurt from my belly-button."
    Edd: "Now, before Ed fills my mind with more disturbing images, I suggest a case study."
  • [The Eds are inside the Kankers TV. Edd makes a noise like a siren.]
    Eddy: "Requesting backup! We're in hot pursuit!"
    Ed: "It's my turn to drive! Beep! Transfer, please."
  • Ed: [after telling his crazed version of how the Eds ended up in Jonny's wall] "And stuck in your wall we are. The end."
    Edd: (snarky) "Gee, Ed, what an enchanted world you live in."
    Eddy: "I got a cramp listening to you."

Ed and Eddy

  • Ed: "Eddy, truth or dare?"
    Eddy: "Okay, dare, Ed."
    Ed: "Okay! I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' through a car wash!"
  • [Ed is observing Eddy's lava lamp.]
    Ed: "Eddy, how does goo float?"
    Eddy: "HIT THE ROAD!"
    (Ed eats Eddy's lava lamp.)
    Eddy: "My lamp!"
    Ed: "Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?"
  • Ed: [looking at a puppet of himself] "Who's that good-looking guy?"
    Eddy: "Get some glasses, Ed."
  • [Ed and Eddy are imitating pigeons and dropping yogurt on the streets below.]
    Ed: "Oink!"
    Eddy: "Pigeons don't go oink, Ed!"
    Ed: "I'm a gazelle. Oink!"
    [Ed throws an anvil and barely misses Nazz.]
    Eddy: "Ed! You're gonna hurt someone! This ain't a cartoon!"
  • Eddy: "Ed, who'd you vote for?"
    Ed: "The cookie, Eddy!"
  • Eddy: "He asked for a pen!"
    Ed: "He asked for mustard, Eddy. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?"
    Eddy: (angry) "What's that supposed to mean?"
  • Eddy: [referring to his armpits] "Hey, Ed! Check it out!"
    Ed: "Nice carpet, Eddy!"
  • Eddy: [about Sarah] "If she told you to go jump in a lake with a rock tied to your head and wait for naked photos of you to develop so she could hand 'em out to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, would you?"
    Ed: "I had socks on, Eddy."
  • Eddy: "What planet are you from?"
    Ed: "I come in peace, Eddy!"
  • Eddy: "What could be more important than Master Eddy?!"
    Ed: "COOKIE DOUGH! Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum..."
  • Ed: [swallowing the objects he siphoned from the gutter] "Ah, I'm stuffed."
    Eddy: "Like your head! No teeth means no cash, and no cash means no jawbreakers! AHHHH! I LOOK LIKE A HOCKEY PLAYER!"
  • Ed: [pouring Chunky Puffs on the ground] "They're hungry again, Eddy!"
    Eddy: [grabbing Ed by the neck] "So feed them over there!"
  • Ed: [sitting in a wagon, naked] "Is sitting naked in a wagon cool?"
    Eddy: "No, skunkpits, it isn't!"
  • Eddy: [seeing Ed's helmet on his butt] "Ed, why is your helmet tied to your butt?"
    Ed: "For protection."
    Eddy: [pulling on the helmet]: "It's meant for your head!"
    Ed: [holding on to the wall] "It's my butt!"
    Eddy: [using a crowbar]: "It's not safe!"
    Ed: "EDDY! STOP!"
    Eddy: "It's not meant-"
    [The rope breaks and sends both of them plummeting to the ground.]
    Ed and Eddy: "AHHHHHHHHH! Oww!"
  • Ed: [as a sumo wrestler] "Guess what I am, guys?"
    Eddy: "...An idiot?"
    Ed: "Been there, done that, Eddy!"
  • Ed: "What are you guys doing up there?"
    Eddy: "Knitting sweaters, you maniac!"
  • Ed: "Am I cool now?"
    Eddy: "No, you're naked."
  • Ed: "Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you-"
    Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."
  • Eddy: "Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?"
    Ed: "Yes, I will!"

Ed and Edd

  • Edd: "Ed! What in heaven's name were you thinking?"
    Ed: [proudly] "Absolutely nothing, Double D."
  • Ed: "Where's Eddy, Double-D?"
    Edd: "Stuck to your foot like an old gum wrapper."
  • Edd: "Did you know shadow puppetry is one of the oldest forms of entertainment?"
    Ed: "Like walnuts?"
  • Ed: "Ow! My liver. Ow! My lasagna."
    Edd: "Ed, lasagna isn't a major organ."
    Ed: "It isn't?"
  • Ed: "I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot!"
    Edd: "Ed, WHY did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot?"
  • Ed: "Can I shave them?"
    Edd: "Dear Ed, you don't shave coconuts, you eat them."
    Ed: "Like report cards?"
  • Ed: "I wish I had a zit."
    Edd: "Ed, you have a boat on your back."
  • Ed: "I am one with my shoe-size, Double D."
    Edd: "That's nice Ed, now hit the dang thing!"
    Ed: "HI-"
    [Eddy replaces the car bumper with Jonny.]
    Edd: "Jonny!?" [He moves out of Ed's way.]
    Ed: "...YA!" [His head crashes into the floor and Eddy laughs.]
  • Ed: "Why is Eddy wearing a diaper, Double D?"
    Edd: "Well, Ed, a diaper would be worthy of Eddy's character, but this posterior posting is a job placement. Seems Rolf's looking for a hired hand."
    Ed: "Rolf lost his hand? Boy, that is sad, Double D."
    Edd: "No, Ed, Rolf needs to hire someone, with pay."
    Eddy: "Pay?"
    Ed: "Maybe if Rolf wore a glove, no one would notice."
  • Ed: [trying to scare the hiccups out of Edd] "I am a zombie and I will malice you with a shoehorn!"
    Edd: [thoroughly confused] "Malice me with a shoehorn?!"
  • Edd: "Help me find an alternate solution, Ed."
    Ed: "I don't know what one looks like, Double D."
  • Edd: "Edward!"
    Ed: "Yes, mommy?"
  • Ed: [walking on hands] "I should have all the feeling back in my feet after this word from our sponsors, Double D."
    Edd: [carrying sidewalk slab] "Curse broadcast commercialism!"
  • Ed: [riding Wilfred] "Ed on a pig!"
    Edd: "Ed, you can't do that!"
    Ed: "It's a boy!"
  • Edd: "Ed, do you realize that you walk in your sleep, and that you consumed all the food within a 5 block radius of your bed?"
    Ed: "Not only that, but I feel as though I have consumed all the food within a 5 block radius of my bed."
    [Ed looks at Edd's cactus, "Jim", whom he took a bite out of.]
    Ed: "Oh, Jim got a haircut."

Edd and Eddy

  • Eddy: "Chicks dig pants. Nazz wears pants, Sarah wears pants,--"
    Edd: [jovial] "You wear pants."
    Eddy: [happy as well] "I wear pants..."
    Edd: [laughing] "Pay attention, Eddy. Soft, clean, and fresh it is!"
    Eddy: [disgruntled] "I hate it when he does that."
  • Edd: "This cardboard seems to possess interesting qualities and--"
    Eddy: "Wow. Wood."
  • Edd: "It's the ancestral fruitcake."
    Eddy: "Looks like you've got competition, Ed."
    Edd: [straining under the weight of the hardened fruitcake] "For decades, we parade the cake every Christmas!"
  • Edd: "The most annoying thing you could come up with is a suit?"
    Eddy: "What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of."
    Edd: "My father wears a suit!"
    Eddy: "Exactly!"
  • Eddy: "Read a magazine? I would if I knew where Ed hid them!"
    Edd: "Oh, you read those?"
  • Eddy: "Our old clothes are way better."
    Edd: "Um, actually, Eddy, our old clothes are much better."
    Eddy: "Doth my English bug you, bumpkin?!"
  • Eddy: [to Jimmy] "Sumo wrestlers are revered!"
    Edd: "In Japan."
    Eddy: "You'll have legions of fans to cater to your every whim!"
    Edd: "In Japan."
    [There is a long silence. Eddy walks over to Edd]
    Eddy: "Okay Double-D, I'll bite. So your point is...?"
    Edd: "Sumo wrestlers are revered, honored and affluent, only in JAPAN, Eddy!"
  • Eddy: [hearing his phone ring] "It's probably Nazz."
    Edd: "And I'm Theodore Geisel."
  • Eddy: [by candlelight, in a spooky voice] "Double-D, let me poke your brain!"
    [Edd shrieks and faints.]
  • Eddy: [to Jimmy] "Are you unconsci...unconsco..." [turning to Edd] "What's this word?"
    Edd: "Unconscious, Eddy."
    Eddy: [to Jimmy] "Dead from the neck up?"


  • Ed: "Then I gazed at the stars!"
  • Ed: [after ruining Eddy's surf school scam] "Are we having fun yet?"
    Eddy: "Oh, you'll have fun-HEALING after I get through with you!"
  • Ed: Hello bug!
  • Ed: [speaking into the phone] Eddy's in pain now, he'll have to call you back.
  • Ed: Greetings, o dear sister of mine who shares the same mom and dad.
  • Ed: "Shhh...the walls have ears."
  • Ed: [repeated line] "Buttered Toast!"
  • Ed: [repeated line] "Gravy!"
  • Ed: [repeated line] "Sticky Note!"
  • Ed: [in a rare burst of intelligence] "I wish I had brought my anti-gravity respectulizer to repixel the hot-and-cold tumbler on that lock!"
  • Ed: "I'm a noodle-head and you're not!"
  • Ed: [as a reply to various comments from Edd] "Stinky hat!"
  • Ed: "The fish have chips, my fine friend."
  • Ed: [in an octopus costume] "I'm an edipus, 'cause I'm Ed!"
  • Ed: "Hello, my name is Ed."
  • Ed: [sticking "$" labels on bags of trash] "Boy, being rich really stinks."
  • Ed: "Give me my fat!"
  • Ed: [to Rolf while hypnotizing him] "When I snap my fingers I want you to be a giant man eating noodle!"
  • Ed: [Edd's skull on his head] "I am dead from the neck up!"
  • Ed: "Cafe au lait!"
  • Ed: [when Plank lands in his lap] "No need to say anything, Plank, 'cause I would not hear it anyways."
  • Ed: "No way! It's my horse!"
  • Ed: "Can we visit the planet of baconmen and have the marrow sucked from our bones?"
  • Ed: "One plus one equals one on a bun."
  • Ed: "I am a zombie and I will malice you with a shoehorn!"
  • Ed: "I saw this in a movie once. 'I Married A Thorax'."
  • Ed: [to Sarah] "Have mercy, child of the netherworld!!!"
  • Ed: [after the kids are trapped under a giant pancake, he eats part of it and pulls out Kevin's pants] "I got a prize, Eddy!"
  • Ed: "Ow! My liver! Ow! My lasagna!"
  • Ed: "Oh look, a whole box of alien exploratory probes dropped off in an attempt to save fuel during a mutiny of pulsing brain mutants!"
  • Ed: Sarah likes to watch me eat yogurt from my belly button."
  • Ed: "Shush! My yeast is rising!"
  • Ed: "Anyone got a breath mint?"
  • Ed: [imitating Eddy] "This stupid bird stole my quarter, flew away with it, stupid."
  • Ed: "The patient has suffered a Penelope to his headasaurus area, as well as a major gush from the—his goliath, uh, upper tube-veiny thing!"
  • Ed: "Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a blood-curdling scream grabbed Eddy in his drooling ground chuck!"
  • Ed: [pointing finger] "Can you pull my finger, Rolf?"
    Rolf: "No."
    [Ed cries.]
  • Ed: "Oh, I make a game out of them, Eddy, 'cause I'm productive! You can play connect the dots." [pulling up his shirt] "See? It's a boat."
  • Ed: "Pickle?"
  • Ed: "Uh, A, B, C, D, L, M, N, O, G. Don't you know your alphabet, Double D?"
  • Ed: "I claim this planet in the name of Ed! Bringer of bacon."
  • Ed: "Oh no, my brain came out!"
  • Ed: "Wigs scare me, Double D."
  • Ed: "Ahh, the good ol' days..."
  • Ed: "I forgot to wear underwear, guys."
  • Ed: "The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D."
  • Ed: "Who brought the tartar sauce?"
  • Ed: "Plural pronouns!"
  • Ed: "SOAP! Yuck! Fresh! Clean! Nasty! No soap! Ahhhhhhh! Bad soap! Evil soap! Slippery, sudsy, scary soap!"
  • Ed: "You should write your name on your underwear, Double D. See? I'm 'Hand-Wash Only'!"
  • Ed: "Little did Ed, Edd, and Eddy know that deep within the confines of the trailer park, the Kanker Sisters were plotting to foil the brave Eds' attempts with overradiated mashed potatoes! Slowly, one by one, they would devour the tainted spuds!"
  • Ed: "Plank smells like fresh cut flowers spewn across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon."
  • Ed: "What an innate, inexplicable, and incoherent journey this has been."
  • Ed: "Hey, look, my horoscope! 'New enterprise fails to meet expectations.' What's that mean?"
  • Ed: "I love chickens Eddy."
  • Ed: "Wait, my brain is working."
  • Ed: "1, 2, got some glue! 3, 4, at the store! 5, 6, grab some sticks! 7, 8, lay them straight! 9, 10, a big fat hen!"
  • Ed: [imitating Eddy] "You know what they say, Double-D. If you're thirsty, take a drink."
  • Ed: "Hostility is the calling card of a week intellect."
  • Ed: "It was their idea, Rolf. As they wanted to be the best chickens they could be! Bless their little giblets."
  • Ed: [banging his head on a plot of dirt] "I'm a woodpecker." [after banging his head a few more times] "Except with dirt."
  • Ed: "He was sawing logs, the little dickens."
  • Ed: "My brain's stuck."
  • Ed: "I know my sensitive side, 'cause it has a rash!"
  • Ed: "Eddy, I can't sleep, I keep on thinking, how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?"
  • Ed: [imitating Eddy] "Can it, Double Dweeb!"
  • Ed: "That looks like the heads of the monsters from 'I was a Teenage Appetizer From the Planet Sushi - The Second Coming'."
  • Ed: "Gentle as a kitten in a tree."
  • Ed: "Coochie coochie coo!"
  • Ed: "Jawbreakers, Double D!"
  • Ed: "Ta-ta, chickens!"
  • Ed: "Double-D almost said a bad word, Eddy!"
  • Ed: "Let's bake a pie and hit me with it!"
  • Ed: "An apple a day keeps the bus driver away."
  • Ed: "Wait! My brain is working!"
  • Ed: "...And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!"
  • Ed: "Whoops, there it goes... Yep. My brain stopped."
  • Ed: [holding a pacifier] "Suckle?"
  • Ed: "It's the phantom of the earwax!!!"
  • Ed: "Christmas, Eddy!"
  • Ed: "Not Sarah! She will tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad, and he'll say 'Not now, dear, I just got home from work!' I am not in my happy place, guys!"
  • Ed: "The school will tell Sarah, and Sarah will tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad and Dad will just SIT THERE AND WATCH TV!!!"
  • Ed: "May! May I have your hand in carriage?"
  • Ed: [with a jar of termites] "Show 'em how it works, Lumpy!"
  • Ed: [Imitating Eddy] "I'll do anything for cash, 'cause I'm short."
  • Ed: "Napkin, please."
  • Ed: [repeatedly opening and closing Eddy's refrigerator door] "Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light."
  • Ed: "Slide on the soap." [squeeeeee] "Slide on the soap." [squeeeeee] "Slide on the soap." [squeeeeee] "Slide on the soap."
  • Ed: "Hug a chicken, hug a chicken, hug a chicken."
  • Ed: "You are not alone, my friend. I dream of pipes, too."
  • Ed: "Let's get that custard out of your bellybutton, mister!"
  • Ed: "Here's your mustard, Double-D!"
  • Ed: "But my belly told me it was bottomless gravy day in the cafeteria, Eddy! Bad belly! Bad belly!"
  • Ed: "I've been a good towel rack, Eddy."
  • Ed: [repeatedly slapping Edd's stomach] "Pink belly! Pink belly!"
  • Ed: [shaking his butt in front of a funhouse mirror] "Ha-ha! Big butt, so what?"
  • Ed: [finding a scubadiver's helmet] "Nice space helmet!" [putting it on] "Take me to your plumber!"
  • Ed: "Location! Location! Location!"
  • 'Ed: [blocking the door] "Table for blocking...chair for blocking...cup for blocking..."
  • Ed: "A hamburger by any other name would be as cheesy."
  • Ed: "The number you have dialed is no longer in service."
  • Ed: "Cookies and milk!"
  • Ed: [in a rare burst of intelligence] "Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing."
  • Ed: "Inky dinky stinky you!"
  • Ed: [trying to fix Jimmy's oven] "Wait! My brain is working!"
  • Ed: [spotting a jawbreaker Eddy painted on the fence] JAWBREAKER! YUM YUM YUM!"
  • Ed: "You bet your sweet bippy I did."
  • Ed: "I feel an analysis is in order to determine the vessel's quantity of magnitude and direction."
  • Ed: "A Bar Mitzvah!"
  • Ed: "Table for two!"
  • Ed: "Who stepped on a duck?"
  • Ed: "An elephant never forgets, but I forget what the elephant remembered."
  • Ed: "Out of the way, citizen!"


  • Edd: [repeated throughout the series] This is unsanitary!"
  • Edd: "Oh my. Look at the soap film on those dishes."
  • Edd: "That was good Eddy."
    Eddy: "Whatever."
  • Edd: "The Bubonic Plague! I'm the Bubonic Plague!!"
    Ed: Like on your teeth?
    Edd: "No not plaque! Plague! Plague!!"
  • Edd: [about Ed] "Sitting in front of a television for excessive periods of time can induce a trancelike state—even rewire a susceptible brain."
    Eddy: "Brain? What brain?"
  • Edd: "Good Lord! Look at all these videotapes!"
  • Edd: "I've been entrusted with a task, Eddy, and neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor you, nor Ed shall stop me."
  • Edd: "Yes indeedy!" [he trips on an apple] "Woaaaaah!"
  • Edd: [as Ed] "Ha ha ha!" [He trips.] "Curse Ed's horrible posture!"
  • Edd: [enthusiastically] "This should prove monotonous!"
  • Edd: [getting very dirty] Greetings, microrganisms! Hop aboard!! Welcome, bacteria!!"
  • Edd: [crazy and soiled] "May I use your shower?"
  • Edd: "My paging system seems effective, don't you think, Eddy?"
    Eddy: [mocking Edd] "'My paging system seems effective, don't you think, Eddy?' How are we supposed to get any work done with Ed answering your stupid paging system?!?"
  • Edd: "Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy..."
  • Edd: [slowly going mad] "Shower, shower, shower! Shower, shower, shower! SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER! SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER!"
  • Edd: [using reverse psychology on the Kankers] "She loves me. She loves me also."
  • Edd: "I'm surrounded by idiots."
  • Edd: "Is it just me, or is Jonny's vocabulary deteriorating?"
  • Edd: "You need help. You all need help!"


  • Eddy: [on the phone] "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Pesky Problem Fixers! If you got a problem that's pesky, we'll fix her for only one lousy quarter!" [listening to the response] "What do you mean, you're broke?! Hey, if you're looking for charity, call Kids Next Door! They're cheap!"
  • Eddy: "If ya can't beat ' off!"
  • Eddy: "Money!"
  • Eddy: [to Jonny] "People like it when you say why all the time!"
  • Eddy: "This is stupid."
  • Eddy: [annoyed] "'I want free popcorn, I want free popcorn!' What do I look like, some popcorn fairy?"
  • Eddy: "Hey, snail boy! Move it, will ya? I'm not getting any younger."
  • Eddy: "We, the Eds, are about to attempt the most daring feat the world has ever seen!"
  • Eddy: [when the Kanker Sisters start kissing Double-D] "HEY! He's! Had! ENOUGH ALREADY! Beat it!"
    [The Kankers leave.]
    Ed: "Good one, Eddy."
    Eddy: "Vultures."
  • Eddy: "Gee, Rolf, you've got a face only a mother could love."
  • Eddy: "Look. Ed's a brainless cyclops."
  • Eddy: "Christmas stinks! All I ever get is clothes!"
  • Eddy: [dazed] "Wait up! That's my waffle!"
  • Eddy: [while riding a frying pan] "Runaway frying pan!"
  • Eddy: [after Ed drops an anvil] "Ed, you're gonna hurt someone! This ain't a cartoon!"
  • Eddy: "What do I look like, a bank? No refunds!"
  • Eddy: "We at Ed's Surf School, can teach you how to...swim a lot!"
  • Eddy: "What did I tell ya? Jonny will do anything for a handful of granola."
  • Eddy: "Mr. D, does the never-ending forehead have an appointment?"
  • Eddy: "Yes, it's all about raising money. For Ed's eyebrow operation. Find it in your heart to give and help us reach our goal! Without it, Ed's eyebrow could grow all over his body..." [under his breath to Ed] "Body, stupid, body!"
  • Eddy: "Shut up, monobrow!"
  • Eddy: [after running straight into a fence] "Hello!" [woozily] "Hey, it's a dead end!"
  • Eddy: [holding 3 quarters] "I'm hitting the candy store."
  • Eddy: [woozily] "Hey, if you find any teeth layin' around... they're mine."
  • Eddy: "No joke when it's broke. Don't be blue. Let Ed's quick repair service fix it, and you won't sue!"
    Edd: "You should have hired someone to fix that rhyme."
  • Eddy: [seeing Jimmy's cookies burning after he was unable to open the oven] "Wow, those cookies are getting crispy."
  • Eddy: "Come on, my nose runs faster!"
  • Eddy: "Oh no you don't. I'm the chef here, so I get the spatula."
  • Eddy: "The 3-Headed Rolf. Yawn."
  • Eddy: [when Ed's mask of Jonny's face falls off] "Jonny, you dropped your face...I'll go get you a new one!"
  • Eddy: "I'm a minor, stop!"

The Kids


  • Jimmy: [after a bag of popcorn is thrown at him] "My eyes! This butter substitute is stinging my eyes!"
    Kevin: "Now THAT'S entertainment!"
  • Jimmy: "Mold me!"
  • Ed: [lunging toward Jimmy] "Prepare to meet your maker!"
    Jimmy: "Antonucci?"
  • Jimmy: "Jeepers-creepers!"
  • Jimmy: "I love it when we let loose!"
  • Jimmy: "Bouncy bouncy bouncy!!!!"
  • Kevin: "Right, Pick then. Truth or Dare!?!"
    Jimmy: "Dare me sucker!"
    Sarah: "That-a-boy, Jimmy!"
    Kevin: "Hmm... I dare ya to... SKIP YOUR TURN!"
    Jimmy: "Darn it."
  • Jimmy: "You mean live life guilt-free? GIVE IT TO ME EDDY!"
  • Jimmy: "Little feet do your stuff!"
  • Jimmy: [acting like a bruiser] "I AM JIMMY, HEAR ME ROAR!"
  • Kevin: "You are SO dead."
    Jimmy: "Ahhhh! Don't hurt me! [He runs away.]
    Kevin: "Man, what's his problem?"
  • Jimmy: "Sarah's in trouble and needs help from the boy with the snake on his face! SSSSSSSSSS!"
  • Jimmy: "Its so brave, I love it!"
  • Jimmy: "Happy to see me, the Kankers did their usual task by pounding the heck out of me. As I wheezed my proposal about you Eds, they agreed and the deal was struck!"
  • Jimmy: "You ruined a perfectly good pair of underpants, you big brute!"
    Edd: "Oh, the wedgie!"
    Ed: "Oh yeah, that was funny!"
  • Jimmy: "Luck be a lady tonight!"
  • Jimmy: "Buttered toast and gravy? People eat this?"
  • [The Eds are nowhere to be found.]
    Jimmy: "I have a confession to make. I've wished this every birthday. Could it have come true?"
  • Jimmy: "You attacked Sarah in cold blood!! DON'T HURT ME!!!"
  • Jimmy: "I feel queasy."
  • Jimmy: "It was a bowling pin, Sarah! They tricked me!"
  • Jimmy: "Laborers scare me."
  • Jimmy: [dressed as a dragon, to Sarah, who is dressed as a knight] "Don't hurt me brave knight!!!"
  • Jimmy: [dizzy] "Rubber baby buggy bumpers."
  • Jimmy: "Sarah, owie!"
    Sarah: "That's okay, you're used to it, Jimmy."
  • Jimmy: "Hey! This is my property, and you're trespassing! And if you don't leave now–"
    Ed: "BALLOON!"
  • Jimmy: "I'm getting stretch marks!"
  • Jimmy: "Woe is me..."
  • Jimmy: "Will the torment never end?"


  • Jonny: "What a horrible way to go!!!"
  • Jonny: "I don't get it either, Plank."
  • Jonny: "Plank says, need a breath mint, Eddy?"
  • Jonny: "What are you guys doing in my wall? ...What's that, Plank? Plank says take a hike, or we'll call the cops."
    Eddy: "Hey, Plank; ever take a tour of a toothpick factory?"
  • Jonny: "Nice costumes, guys. What are you supposed to be, Double D? Throw up?"
  • Jonny: "Plank says that bumper cars are for chickens, and whoever thought that one up should have their brain lacquered! Boy, buddy, that's harsh."
  • Jonny: "I told you bunnies would take over the world, and they have! Lucky we prepared for this day, huh Plank?"
  • Jonny: [reading a book with Plank] "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a..." [he turns the page and gasps] "Oh my!"
  • Jonny: [to Plank] "Your insatiable thrill-seeking is giving me an ulcer, buddy!"
  • Jonny: "Plank says your mouth runs faster than six-month-old cheese, Eddy!"
  • Jimmy: "It's the end of the rainbow, leprechaun. Hand over that pot of gold!"
    Jonny: "Nope! Off to the fake rainbow! That's all you get for one handful of granola, pal!!"
    Jimmy: "My fantasy...crushed by an imp."
  • Sarah: "Get back here, Jonny!, What's the answer to the first clue!?"
    Jonny: "Beats me! Plank just thought we collect stuff." [He takes their scavenger item sheet.] "Like this paper!" [He runs off.]
  • Jonny: "Plank knows people!"
  • Sarah: "Jonny, get out of there!"
    Jonny: "Why?"
    Sarah: "'Cause I said so."
    Jonny: "Why?"
    Sarah: "'Cause your bugging us."
    Jonny: "Why?"
    Sarah: "'Cause you're stupid!"
    Jonny: "Why?"
  • Jonny: "Plank says on the count of three, flush like you've never flushed before!!!!!"
  • Jonny: "Plank photocopied his butt!"
  • Jonny: "Wood hater!"
  • Jonny: "Look at what you did to Plank! HE'S GOT BRAIN DAMAGE!!!"
  • Jonny: [from inside a giant Jonny's Head costume] "Hey guys, I'm inside my own head! Far out, huh?!"
  • Jonny: "Boy, Plank, ever get the feeling you might as well be talking to a piece of wood?"
  • Jonny: [after belly-flopping into the lake from a cliff] "Did we make the team, Plank?"


  • Kevin: "No need to be displeased, I got all your needs at Crazy Kev's! Oops, there goes another one, haha...!"
  • Kevin: "Where's the other dorks?"
  • Kevin: "I see mucky, I'll believe mucky."
  • Kevin: "Nimrod! Tell you what, dorky: Meet me after you're done, and I'll show you what my boot wants to be when it grows up!"
  • Kevin: "Tooth paste, radical!"
  • Ed: "Quack!"
    Kevin: "Suburbs are weird."
  • Kevin: "What's the matter, dork? Can't talk to girls?"
  • [Double D is thrown on stage in place of Jimmy.]
    Kevin: "Look, Jimmy turned himself into a dork!"
  • Edd: "A phone call should come up any time now."
    Kevin: "Like my lunch!"
  • Kevin: "What a die-hard!"
  • Kevin: "...Oh yeah, what's two plus two?
    Eddy: "Hey hey hey! Any of that crystal ball stuff'll cost you extra."
  • Kevin: "What's a trailer doing on my..." [realizing it's the Kankers' trailer] "TRAILER?!"
  • Kevin: "Stupid broom!"
    Rolf: "Hee-Haw!" [He swallows Kevin.]
    Kevin: "Oh, I'm otter bait!"
  • Kevin: "I got out early for good behavior!"
  • Kevin: "What a freak!"
  • Kevin: [throughout series] "Dork!"
  • Kevin: "I have no idea what you're dorking about."
    Eddy: "Oh, you know what I'm dorking about!"
  • Kevin: "This show needs subtitles."
  • Kevin: "Hey look, it's Dork 'n Beans!"
    Edd: "Beans, an edible seed?"
  • Kevin: "Hey, Double D! Come 'ere, will ya!"
    Edd: "Have mercy!"
  • Kevin: "No really, I'm pounding you, dork!"
  • Kevin: "Dorky thought he had a date with Nazz!"
  • Kevin: [seeing Edd steal his bike] "Any last words before I pound ya?"
  • Kevin: [seeing Nazz in her underwear] "Awesome."
  • Kevin: "Get off my lawn."


  • Nazz: "A SALE!"
  • Nazz: "This is stupid!"
  • Nazz: [seeing Rolf riding on his pig's back] "Speaking of 'road hogs'..."
  • Nazz: "Wow, Victor changed his name to Nazz, just like me!"
    Rolf: "Are you weak in the upper story?!"
  • Nazz: "Dude, do you have a platform or what?"
  • Nazz: "Where do you get off?"
  • Nazz: "I know it was you who went to Bobby Blabby with that hairy leg story, monkey face!"
  • Nazz: "Kevin!"
    Kevin: "Nazz?"
    Nazz: "According to the Workers Right Act, Subsection E, Paraphrase 4, Eddy is entitled to express formal protest, as to wherefore, must be totally respected." [The guys stare.] "Babysitters got to know this stuff."
  • Nazz: "My pores are screaming, guys!"
  • Nazz: "I'm Dr. Nazz, Denteress!"


  • Rolf: May shower scum devour your head!"
  • Rolf: "A damsel in need requests room service!"
  • Rolf: "I suppress my pain of laughter."
  • Rolf: [angered] "Having fun with my shed, Ed boys!?"
    Edd: "Is all well, Rolf?"
    Ed: "Wipe your feet please".
    Rolf: "You have broken the celery stalk on the back of a sea urchin!"
    Eddy: "What'd he say?"
    Rolf: "Shaklaham!"
  • Rolf: "Has your brain turned to custard like half-priced pastry, Ed boy?"
  • Rolf: "Foolish youth! The soil knows all."
  • Rolf: "My father once walked a hundred miles with a mule, two goats, and a shoe on his back."
    Sarah: "Big deal!"
  • Rolf: [seeing the Eds future] "The yeast has risen, and tells me the future of the couch-creature Ed-boys. The spirit of the rind speaks. Do you hear it?"
    Ed: "What does it say?"
    Eddy: [sarcastically] "Yes, tell us, oh swami!"
    Rolf: "Ah yes, it says here that your day will begin by..." [shows his muscles and a fist] "Cleaning my pig pen!!!"
    [The Eds run and begin work immediately.]
    Rolf: [happy to see the Eds working for him] "Also, your future will hold that you de-louse the chickens, and shake the dew from the tree, and brush the hair on the back of Rolf!"
    Edd: [panicking] "Gloves! I need gloves!"
    Ed: "Pumpkins sure are bossy."
    Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."
  • Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys. Why must you spoil Wilfred with this lavish monkey suit? This will only leave him to search for a life as an airline steward."
  • Rolf: "No shears for you, Potato-Ed boy."
  • Rolf: [shoving Edd aside] "Out of the way, oaf!"
    Edd: "Overwhelming fear is not an excuse for rudeness, Rolf."
  • Rolf: "Get off Rolf's property, before Rolf gets his beating stick!"
  • Kevin: "You throw like a two year old!"
    Rolf: "And two year olds are not even good at stuffing sausages."
  • Rolf: "There are no badges for sneaky wee roaches."
  • Rolf: "Your garden is overgrown, and your cucumbers are soft!"
  • Rolf: "Yes, Eddy. What is it? Ring your bell, please."
  • Rolf: "Those Ed-boys are crazy like chickens, except they lay no eggs."
  • Rolf: "Have you roaches been drinking milk from a rusty bucket? You have spoiled a wonderful food product! Such waste is a disgrace to the Urban Rangers... but, seeing you covered in filth reminds me of my youth. Next badge!"
  • Edd: [imitating Ed] "Buttered toast?"
    Rolf: "No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slow-poke Ed-boy! Rolf needs juice for his great thirst."
  • Rolf: "You are not Ed! You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!"
  • Rolf: "Anchovy paste? 1952, a fine year. Hail to the anchovies! Rolf respects the stench."
  • Rolf: "A wooden board saved you from three evil witches and a creepy-crawly?" [running away] "MAMA! The stories that haunt Rolf have come true!"
  • Rolf: "Are you weak in the upper story?!"
  • Rolf: [tired, looking at the moon] "The moon resembles half-eaten cheese."
  • Rolf: "Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."
  • Rolf: "Never use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters! Thank you." [He runs away.] "MAMA! HAS THE WATER COME TO A BOIL YET?!"
    Jonny: "Rolf's weird, huh Plank?"
  • Eddy: "Hey, Rolf; all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."
    Rolf: "Jack? Who is this Jack? I know no Jack."
  • Rolf: "You have an invitation, overdressed Ed boy?"
    Eddy: [whispering] "The crow caws at midnight."
    Rolf: "And the cat sours the basil. Rolf would love to talk politics, but first he must see your invitation!"
    Eddy: "No problem, stretch. Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip!?"
    [Eddy runs off while Rolf is distracted.]
    Rolf: "Nana?"
  • Kevin: "Who cares about the stupid key?"
    Rolf: "Toe-jam!"
  • Rolf: "Victor's hooves are magic on Rolf's hardened muscles."
  • Rolf: "Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf!"
    Kevin: "What are you talking about, dude?"
    Rolf: "Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf, must I spell it?" [pointing upwards] "We have guests."
  • Rolf: "You are full of pickles and beets today, eh, Jonny?"
  • Rolf: [stopping the Eds from fighting over a jawbreaker] "Excuse me, Ed-boys, but Rolf must discipline the nanny goats."
  • Jonny: "Look what you did to Plank...HE'S GOT BRAIN DAMAGE!"
    Rolf: "The wood has a brain?"
  • Rolf: "WAIT! Rolf falls first."
  • Rolf: "I am a weiner!"
  • Rolf: "Nana, a bandage for Rolf!!!" [Beatrice falls on him.] "Never again will Rolf store house keys in his trouser pockets."
  • Rolf: "Our hero dangles like Victor's milk spouts!"
    Jonny: "Victor's got milk spouts?!"
  • Rolf: "Why is Double D Ed boy calling the chestnut elves?"
  • Rolf: "It's always good to have friends close this...time of toil..."
  • Rolf: "The days of reckoning are upon us, half-naked Ed-boys." [turning to the school] "It is here that we shall be mercilessly judged."
  • Rolf: "Rolf was the son of a Rolf is the posterior of a duck!!!"
  • Rolf: "Conserve your strength, Kevin, as you will need it for the Ed-Boy thrashing! Rolf can spot shoddy spot-welding from a distance of twenty goats."
  • Rolf: "Synchronized swimming! A favorite in my country, second only to shining shoes."
  • Rolf: "Hello, Ed-Boys. Would you like to join me for lunch?"
    Eddy: "Uh... yeah, right..."
  • Rolf: "You shall see the miracle of the stew!"
  • Ed: [balancing Rolf's tractor on an egg] "Hey, Double D! Am I good or what?"
    Rolf: [still on tractor] "May your nose fester with the rage of olives!"
  • Rolf: [to Jonny] "Jonny the woodboy, always with this head of yours there is much joking. Rolf respects your cluelessness."
  • Rolf: "The water is fouled with infestation. My wish has been granted! The son of a shepherd has returned!"
  • Rolf: [after Ed falls in a hole Rolf has dug] "Your village idiot has fallen in Rolf's hole. A celebration, I say!"
  • Rolf: "May the onion of agony soil your macaroon!"
  • Rolf: "May the fleas from your cow inflame your rhubarb!"


  • Sarah: "Gee, Nazz, that was rad! Did it hurt?"
    Nazz: "Not when you land softly, Sarah."
  • Sarah: "What? What are you doing!"
  • Sarah: "Guess what, big brother? I'M TELLING MOM!"
  • Sarah: "Line ups, and more line ups! What's with all the line ups?!"
    Nazz: "That's what you do in the big city, Sarah."
  • Sarah: "Someone help my idiot brother!"
    Ed: [in haunted house, wringing his own neck] "Ag-ag-ahhh!"
  • Sarah: "Touch me again, and I'll beat ya to a pulp!"
  • Sarah: "Ed! I have a ballet lesson and Ed's Jimmy's new playmate!"
  • Sarah: Whatever you do, just keep it dry and don't scratch it." [hearing noise in the kitchen] "I'll call you back."
  • Sarah: "Watch where you're going, fish-face!"

Kanker Sisters


  • Lee: "That better be fighting over me I'm hearing in there!"
  • Eddy: "Ed, Double D thinks he's a bird. I hate birds!"
    [Ed turns around and spies the Kankers.]
    Ed: "KA-KA...!"
    Lee: "And that's the call of the yellow-bellied boyfriend!"
  • Lee: "Well whaddya know, if it isn't tweedle dee and tweedle dum."
  • Ed: [holding a measuring cup] "Don't make me have to use this!
    Lee: "What're you gonna do, bake us a cake?"
  • Lee: "Give me that, we're watching informercials!"
    [She grabs the remote and turns the TV on. The Eds stare out at her.]
    Eddy: [nervously rubbing Ed's head on Edd's armpit] "Uh, we use new Stench-Away-Deodorant, keeps me dry and fresh!"
    Lee: "That junk wrecked my clothes."
  • May: "What just happened there?"
    Lee: "Mom was right. Throw a man a bone and he'll mess up the carpet."
  • Lee: "We aim to please!"
  • Marie: "Hey! What's your game, mister?"
  • Eddy: "Okay, Kankers! I'm calling you out!"
    Lee: "What took you so long?"
    Eddy: "You know what we're here for!"
    Lee: "I love a man in uniform."
  • Lee: "What's good lookin' guys like you doin' in a place like this?"


  • May: "Speak to me lambchop, are you hurt?"
    Edd: "Your gaze alone would heal any wound."
    May: "You're so adorable, I could just eat you up!"
    Edd: "Bon apètit, turtle dove, for I am basted and ready to serve!"
  • [The Kankers are tanning.]
    May: "Marie, flip me over, I'm getting crispy.
    [Marie ignores her.]
    May: [louder] "Marie, flip me over I'm getting crispy!"
    [Marie continues to ignore her sister.]
    May: [yelling] "MARIE!!!"
    Lee: "Shut up May." [She flips May's chair over.]
  • May: "Lambchop!"
    Edd: "Turtledove!"
    May: "Baby Angel!"
  • May: "It's the Eds!"
  • May: "He's my little pooky bear."
  • May: [crying] "Ed hates me!!"
  • Lee: "I wanna be their barnacle of love!" [The Kankers giggle.]
    May: "Barnacle!"
  • May: "Haven't you done enough damage already!? Now get out of here and NEVER COME BACK!" [She slams the door.]
    Eddy: [happy] "Well, you heard her. Let's go."
  • May: "What number do you dial for 911!?!?!"
  • Ed: "May! You look very pretty today."
    May: [blushing] "Aw gee, Big Ed, you're gonna make me break out in a rash."


  • Marie: "Is this guy for real?"
    Lee: "Real or not, that guy's wearing a uniform!"
    Marie: "Dreamy!"
  • [The Kankers are jumping a chain-rope.]
    Lee: "Jump higher May!"
    Marie: "She's too fat."
    May: "How 'bout a fat lip!?"
  • Marie: [brandishing a pair of briefs from Eddy's closet] "Hey, are these real leopard-skin undies?"
    Eddy: "Argh!"
  • Jonny: "I'm a little squirrel, and this nut's for you!" [He holds up a folded note addressed to a 'Lamb Chop.']
    Edd: [finding a candy heart inside] "A sweet! From my sweet!" [reading the heart] "Be mine."
    [Jonny the squirrel runs across the room and delivers the note back to May. May's eyes bug with joy when she reads it. Jonny is sent back to Edd with a new inscription. Edd writes in the note, and the squirrel rushes back to May. This circle is repeated many more times, to the welling anger of Marie. Eventually she snaps and attacks Jonny. She wrestles the squirrel to the floor.]
    Marie: "Lemme see that!"
    Jonny: "No, I can't, it's against squirrel policy!"
    Marie: "Gimme it!"
    Jonny: "Nuts to you!" [He cheerfully gobbles down the note.]
    Marie: "You're such a weirdo!"
  • The Kankers: "Here come the brides!"
    Eddy: "Kankers? Brides?" [He ducks down in his barrel.]
    Edd: "The Kankers tricked us. It's a wedding, Eddy!" [He hides in his trashcan as well.]
    Ed: "But I can't dance, Eddy!" [His canister tips over.]
    May: [taking some dandelions from him] "Flowers for your bride? How sweet."
    Lee: [performing the ceremony] "Pick up your grooms and spit out your gum." [Her sisters do as instructed.] "We are gathered here today to join in marriage the Kankers and the Eds! They promise to love, honor, and obey, or we pound them."
    Marie: "Blah, blah, blah, quit showing off, Lee! May, get the rings."
  • May: [about to be beautified by her sisters] "Make me look like one of them high-fashion whatsits, okay?"
    Lee: [crossing her fingers] "You got it, May!"
    Marie: [also with crossed fingers] "Yeah, we'll make you look like a buck and a half!"
  • Lee: "Look at me! I'm a movie star!"
    May: "I'm a TV star!"
    Marie: [shoving May aside] "You've been canceled. I'm a TV star."
  • Marie: "Give him the liplock, Lee."
  • Marie: "Pucker up, oven mitt!"
  • Lee: [about Ed] "He's so good looking."
    Marie: "In a weird sort of way."

Voice Cast

Matt Hill Ed Seasons 1-5
Samuel Vincent Edd Seasons 1-5
Tony Sampson Eddy Seasons 1-5
Keenan Christenson Jimmy Seasons 1-5
David Paul Grove

(or "Buck")

Jonny 2x4 Seasons 1-5
Peter Kelamis Rolf Seasons 1-5
Janyse Jaud Sarah Seasons 1-5
Kathleen Barr Kevin Seasons 1-5
Tabitha St. Germain Nazz Season 1
Jenn Forgie Nazz Season 3
Erin Fitzgerald Nazz Season 2
Seasons 4-5
May Seasons 1-2
Seasons 4-5
Danny Antonucci Mr. Sun "The Eds are Coming"
Terry Klassen Eddy's Brother Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show

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