The Good Ol' Ed/Script

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Script

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[Eddy is at his mirror, trying to shave. Ed bursts through his door. Eddy turns around, his face cut up.]
Eddy: "Ed! Can't you see I'm practicing for manurity?"
Ed: "So then–" [he grabs Eddy's razor and places it on a pile of odd items] "You won't want to forget to remember this! Oh–" [reaching under Eddy's bed] "–look, it's Eddo!" [He pulls out the dummy.] "Oh, and you'll need to think back this!" [a turntable falls onto the pile] "And this–" [along with a shattered disco ball] "–recollect this! And this! Oh, and who would want to forget this?"
Eddy: "Ed!" [He grabs on to the things Ed is towing away.] "What the heck are you doing? Gimme back my stuff!" [Eddy stops in a backyard, next to a suitcase and a hole.] "Place memories here?"
Edd: [carrying a box] "Well, hello, Eddy! Fashionably late as usual!"
Eddy: "Late?! Late for what?"
Edd: [putting things in the suitcase] "Our time capsule, Eddy. Remember? We were to gather a few of our poignant possessions and bury them in a go-no-further location! Then re-excavate our said capsule as grown-ups and reminisce on our yesterdays with a smile. Do you recognize this, Eddy?" [He holds up a Canadian squirt gun.] "The turkey baster! Or should I say, our Canadian squirt gun!" [He laughs.]
Eddy: [grabbing it] "Oh yeah! I remember this thing!"
Ed: "Funny it was! As though it were only second season."
[Eddy squirts Ed.]
Edd: [shocked] "There was water left in that?"
[Eddy squirts Edd, and Ed and Eddy laugh.]
Edd: "Ha ha ha, very funny. How about this tablet of memories?" [He holds up the Hypnotizing Wheel.]
Ed and Eddy: "The Hypnotizing Wheel!" [Eddy kicks it out of Edd's hand.]
Edd: [rubbing his fingers] "Can't you just ask for something like a normal human being?"
Eddy: "Remember when we hypnotized Kevin into thinking he was a chimp?"
Ed: "It is to laugh! And he thought my butt was a peanut."
[Eddy, in imitation, clamps his teeth on Ed's rump.]
Ed: "YOW!" [They both laugh.]
Edd: [appears wearing Kevin's monkey fez] "He he, look at my antics. I am Kevin the primate. Ook ook ook, ook ook ook." [He scratches his armpit.]
Nazz: "Hey guys, um–"
[Nazz takes note of the awkward scene: Edd is scratching his armpit, and Eddy is biting Ed's butt.]
Nazz: "–what's up?" [She decides not to pursue it.] "Um, never mind." [She walks away.]
Edd: [blushing] "I wonder what Nazz will remember of us when she's older."
Eddy: "That you looked like an idiot and how could she have let a hunk like me get away."
[There is a pause, then Edd laughs and walks back to the suitcase.]
Edd: "See? Revisiting bygone days can be fun, Eddy!"
Eddy: "What else you got in there?" [He tosses the Hypnotizing Wheel back in.]
Ed: "Remember me?" [He bounces up, dressed in the suit from the fad episode.]
Edd and Eddy: "Fad Freaky!"
Eddy: "Good times, huh, Sockhead?" [He elbows Edd.]
[Edd falls into the suitcase. When he gets up, he has a remote stuck in his eye socket. He pulls it out.]
Eddy: "Hey! I remember that! That's when Ed hit you with that sack of potatoes!"
Edd: "Your recollection's a bit faulty, Eddy. This remote control was from our faux time machine."
Ed: "Foe?"
Eddy: "Time machine?"
Edd: "Surely you recall the time machine."
Ed: "Foe?"
Eddy: "It's probably from that dumb rocket car you built."
Edd: [getting exasperated] "Time machine. Not the rocket car; time machine. Remember? Jimmy and Jonny were at rapt attention, while I explained..."
[Edd remembers the time machine. In the memory, Jimmy and Jonny are cowering in a time machine while Edd explains something on a blackboard.]
Jimmy: "Are you sure, Double D?"
Edd: "Most assuredly, Jimmy. Neither I nor science have found any correlation between time travel and frizzy, flyaway hair."
Eddy: "Are you done yammering?"
Edd: [closing the hatch and turning a dial] "Prepare to incredibly transverse to the Triassic period of yesteryear!"
Jonny: "This is gonna rock!"
[Ed picks up the machine and shakes it.]
Edd: "Tallyho, back in time we go!"
[Ed, still shaking the box, carries it off somewhere. Inside, Jonny and Jimmy bounce like pinballs. Suddenly, the machine stops moving, and Jonny and Jimmy settle.]
Jonny: "I think we're here, Plank."
[Jonny pushes the door open and wanders into the Triassic. A pterodactyl, suspended by ropes, flies past.]
Ed: [imitating the pterodactyl offscreen] "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
Jimmy: "PTERODACTYL!" [He ducks into the machine.]
Jonny: [dragging Jimmy out] "C'mon, Jimmy! We can't get hurt, 'cause we weren't even born yet! Wowzers! Look, Plank!" [A triceratops moved by Ed lands on the machine, crushing it flat.]
Jimmy: "Triceratops!" [He and Jonny run away. The dinosaur gives chase.]
Jonny: "Right on, eh, buddy?"
Jimmy: "Make it stop! Make it–" [The triceratops lands on them. Jimmy crawls away, but is jumped on. Jonny is riding it now, however.]
Jonny: "Whoopee! Twenty-three skidoo!"
[Jimmy, dazed, looks up. A T. Rex roars. Jimmy screams, and the triceratops jumps on a allosaurus' head. The body separates from Ed, who continues to imitate the triceratops, and goes flying until it smashes into the T. Rex's mouth.]
Eddy: [on the ground] "What the?"
Jonny: "Neato! We've been swallowed alive, buddy! Huh?"
[He looks forward and sees Edd, operating a remote control.]
Edd: [nervous] "Well, hello, Jonny." [A banging is heard.]
Eddy: [banging on the dino] "Hey! What's going on up there?"
[The dinosaur's giant metal eye comes loose and falls, landing on Eddy. The the rest of the body then falls on him. Edd laughs, bringing us back to the present.]
Edd: "Oh and the funny part of it was: the tyrannosaurus actually lived in the Cretaceous period. Not the Triassic period!" [He laughs.] "Oh, oh good times, huh, fellows?"
Eddy: "What are you talking about?"
Ed: "Yeah, Double D, an elephant never forgets, but I forget what the elephant remembered."
Edd: "Yes, well, you probably just weren't paying attention at the time, Ed. But I'm sure Eddy remembers!"
Eddy: [carrying a jug] "In another life, windbag. But I remember this!"
Ed: "My dear friend the jug."
Edd: "That's a pitcher, Ed. And it's quite familiar to many of our Ed-ventures!"
Eddy: "It's from when you had the hiccups, Double D! Remember?"
[Eddy flashes back. The Eds are watching Rolf garden from a fence.]
Eddy: "Quarter says Victor kicks Rolf in the head again."
Ed: "My turn!"
[Edd hiccups.]
Edd: "Seems an air bubble has lodged itself within my–" [hiccup]
[Edd clamps his hands over his mouth, but another hiccup comes. Eddy laughs. Edd runs home.]
Eddy: "C'mere, I'll get rid of em." [Eddy follows Edd to his kitchen. Edd blows into a paper bag.]
Edd: [hiccup] "Oh dear." [He blows in again. Eddy sharpens one of his hairs. Edd hiccups again.] "Oh my." [Blows in again. Eddy pops the bag with his hair. Edd goes flying under a cabinet.]
Eddy: "There, they're gone!"
Ed: "Hiccups have left the building, Eddy!"
[Edd hiccups, and an electrical outlet pops out of the wall.]
Eddy: "Strong hiccups."
Ed: [carrying Edd over] "Quick, Eddy, do something, Double D is gonna–" [hiccup] "–explode!"
[Ed throws Eddy on top of Edd and sits on both of them, fingers in his ears.]
Eddy: "Ed, you idiot, this ain't gonna get rid of the hiccups!"
[A hiccup throws them both off.]
Edd: "Water! I need water!" [He runs to the sink and pours a glass. Before he can drink, he hiccups, soaking himself. Edd gets another glass, hiccups again, spills again.]
Eddy: "You're doing it all wrong, you're supposed to drink it upside down."
[Eddy turns Edd upside down and pours a jugful of water into him. Edd hiccups and swallows the jug.]
Ed: "Let's scare 'em, Eddy." [He peels Edd's jaw open and shouts inside it.] "I AM A ZOMBIE AND I WILL MALICE YOU WITH A SHOEHORN!" [Hiccup.]
Edd: [stupified] "Malice me with a shoehorn?!" [Hiccup. Hiccup. lands headfirst into the floor with the rest of his body sticking out vertically]
[Eddy laughs, bringing them back to the present.]
Edd: "Hiccups? Me?"
Eddy: "It lasted for two days!"
Edd: "I'm sure I would have remembered involuntary spasms of my own diaphragm, Eddy."
Ed: "I just remembered something I forgot!" [holding up a spatula] "See? A flipper."
Edd: "That's a spatula, Ed."
Eddy: "Cool! From when we spray painted that gold jewelry!"
Ed: "Incorrection!"
Edd: "Ed's right, Eddy. This is clearly from when we bartered eggs from Rolf."
Ed: "Wrong!" [He grabs the spatula from Edd.] "Oh look, a flipper!"
Eddy: "It's a spatula, stupid."
Ed: "It reminds me of when we made that giant pancake! Drool I must. Yum."
[Ed remembers the pancake incident. Eddy is mixing a giant bowl of batter above the cul-de-sac. The cul-de-sac is covered in grease, and it is going to be a frying pan.]
Eddy: "Mixing this batter is killing my arms. Ed! Get over here!"
[Ed jumps on Edd, squashing him into the grease. Ed slides over to Eddy.]
Eddy: "Griddle greased up, Double D?" [Edd rises, covered in oil.]
Edd: [disgusted] "Cooking oil in place, Eddy."
Eddy: "Sweet! Get an agent, boys, 'cause we're gonna make the world's biggest pancake!"
Ed: "I love pancakes, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Shut up and pour, Lumpy."
[Ed and Eddy start to tip the giant bowl of mixed batter. Edd, wringing himself out, hears the joy of kids playing.]
Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy. Everyone seems to have mistaken our griddle for a skating rink."
[The kids are skating on the oil. Ed continues to tip the batter.]
Eddy: "Hey, you kids! Get outta my frying pan!" [The batter reaches the tipping point.]
Edd: "Ed, wait!" [The batter begins to slosh out.]
Jimmy: "Holy mackerel! Tidal wave!"
[The batter lands and covers the oil. The kids are crushed beneath it. The Eds watch in awe.]
Edd: "Ed, what in heaven's name have you done?!"
Ed: [oblivious] "It's a boy!"
Edd: [raising the spatula] "Fear not, people, as I have a spatula!"
Eddy: "Oh no you don't!" [He drags Edd back.] "I'm the cook around here, so I get the spatula."
[The pancake finishes cooking. Ed drools.]
Ed: "Yum."
[Ed tears off a bite of the pancake and eats it. He finishes the food and pulls Kevin's shorts out of his mouth.]
Ed: "I got a prize, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Hey! Keep your mitts off my pancake!"
[Eddy lifts one end of the breakfast with his spatula. The kids reach out from underneath and grab him. A brawl breaks out underneath the pancake.] "It wasn't me!" [We come back to the present.]
Ed: "Ah, the good ol' days."
Eddy: "We never made no giant pancake!"
Ed: "Did too! Proof: a flipper."
[Eddy, angry, attacks Ed.]
Edd: [as the duo fight] "Gentlemen, please. This project was meant as a commemoration of friendship, a retrospective of days gone by."
Eddy: [grabbing Ed] "Admit it, you made that up!"
Ed: [happy] "WAIT!" [He looks at the spatula.] "Now I remember as though it were today."
[Ed flashes back to the beginning of the episode, at the scene where Eddy is staring at the suitcase. Once again, we see Edd entering with the same box he was holding from the start.]
Edd: "Well, hello, Eddy! Fashionably late as usual!"
Eddy: "Late? Late for what?"
Edd: [placing items in the suitcase] "Our time capsule, Eddy. Remember? We were to gather a few of our pogniant possesions–"
[Stars burst across the screen. Eddy has just hit Ed with a fish.]
Eddy: "I hate clip shows!"
Edd: "Eddy! You stop right there, mister!" [He puts an ice pack on Ed's head.] "Remember when you used that fish to duel with Rolf?"
Eddy: "No more remembering!" [He chases Edd around the yard.]
Ed: [getting up] "Wow, lookee here. Isn't this ice pack from when we destroyed Jonny's house?"
Eddy: "Quit bringing up the past!" [He begins chasing Ed.]
Edd: "Funny, 'cause this reminds me of a number of occasions where you chased–"
Eddy: "Shut up!" [He goes after Edd.]
Edd: "Ed, do something!"
Ed: "Good times, huh, Double D?"