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Ed, Edd n Eddy

Virt-Ed-Go/Script

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Script


Eddy: [fishing for something in a sewer grate] "I got it I got it I got it!"
The Eds: "Awww."
Edd: "Be patient, Eddy."
Eddy: "Okay."
[We now see that Eddy has a piece of bubble gum on the end of some string. He is fishing for a quarter at the bottom of the hole.]
Eddy: [catching the quarter with the gum] "Bingo!"
Ed: "Commence lift!"
Edd: "Careful."
Eddy: "Okay, okay!"
Ed: [worried] "Aw, it's falling off, Eddy!"
Eddy: "I got it I got it!" [he pulls it out of the sewer]
Edd: "Slowly..."
Eddy: [pulling it off the string] "Hey!" [He flips it in the air and catches it.] "Who's the man with the plan?"
Ed and Edd: "Eddy!"
Eddy: "You got that right." [He holds up the quarter in triumph, and a bird grabs his quarter out of his hand.] "Hey! My money!"
Ed: "That bird just stole my gum! Hey!" [He runs off to look for it.]
Eddy: "When does this torment stop? It was in the palm of my hand! Who invented birds anyway?" [Edd pulls out a telescope and looks through it.] "What good are they?"
Ed: "I lost the bird. Look! That plane's got a cape!"
Edd: [he turns to look, and the telescope hits Ed on the back of the head] "Where?"
Ed: "Who's there?"
Eddy: [walking up to them] "It's towing a sign."
Ed: "What's it say?"
Edd: "It states, 'It's hip!! it's now!! Come to Joe's Clubhouse!'"
Ed and Eddy: "Huh?"
Eddy: [with an idea] "Guys! What if we had a clubhouse?"
Edd: "With clean sheets!"
Ed: "And a roof!"


[The Eds are in a backyard.]
Eddy: "This is a perfect spot, huh guys?"
Kevin: [from a window] "Hey dorks! Get out of my backyard!"
Ed: "Weird. Kevin already has a clubhouse here."
Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."


[The Eds are in a trash heap.]
Eddy: "Check it out! This is a killer location!"
Edd: "It's much too unsanitary, Eddy!" [He looks at Ed.] "What's happening to Ed?"
[Seagulls are attacking Ed. He's doing his best to fight them off.]
Ed: "Hey guys-ow-help-ow-they're trying to-ow-get my creampuff-ow-here- Eddy- catch!" [He flings the pastry at Eddy. It hits him in the face and cream splatters on him and Edd.]
Eddy: [sarcastic] "Good shot, Ed." [Ed runs towards them.] "Huh?" [He sees the seagulls following Ed.]
Edd: "Uh oh."
Edd and Eddy: [running away from the seagulls] "Ow ow ow! Ow! Ow ow!"


[We see a mailbox.]
Edd: "It seems rather small." [Edd opens the mail slot and takes a deep breath of the outside air.] "And the lack of oxygen is rather disturbing."
Ed: [receiving a phone call] "Hey guys, I may have already won ten thousand dollars!"


[The Eds are loping down the street.]
Eddy: [distressed] "I tell you Double D, we gotta find a location. Without one, it's hopeless!" [Edd stops walking.] "Double D. Double D?" [He looks back to see Edd staring at something, transfixed.]
Edd: [pointing] "There." [He grins widely.]
Ed: "Oh."
Eddy: "What?"
[Edd is staring at a tall, strong tree. The branches at the top seem to be placed to build a treehouse.]
The Eds: "Cool." [Ed and Edd run for it, but Eddy pulls them back.]
Eddy: "Wait. We have to inspect it first. Double D, come with me." [He walks over them on the way to the tree.]
[Eddy begins his inspection. This involves walking around the tree, and looking at it from different angles. Ed's part is more straightforward; he just goes up to the tree and slams his head against it.]
Ed: "It's a funny tree." [A bird's nest falls onto his head. A bird, with a quarter in its mouth, rises out of it.]
Edd: [inspecting the tree] "Hmm." [examining the leaves] "Leaf foliage seems healthy." [He sniffs the tree.] "This tree is perfect! This is our new clubhouse!"
Ed: [hugging the tree] "Our own clubhouse! This will be so cool. Where's the door, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Hey birdbrain, that's a tree? We still need to build the clubhouse." [noticing Ed's bird] "That's the bird that took my quarter!" [the bird flies away] "I hate birds."
Ed: "It's okay, Eddy. We got a tree!"


[A variety of power tools are laid out at the base of the tree.]
Eddy: "Our parents will never know they're missing. Anybody know how to use these?"
[Ed picks up a jackhammer and turns it on. Edd laughs until he sees Eddy hitting the tree with a hammer.]
Edd: "Eddy, stop! Trees have feelings! What are you doing?"
Eddy: [nonchalant] "Building a clubhouse." [He tosses the hammer in the air. It comes down and hits him on the helmet.]
Edd: "We need lumber, Eddy, before we can–"
Eddy: [a bit dazed] "Hey Double D, we need to find wood. Start looking."
Edd: "Precisely." [They look for wood.]
Ed: [riding the jackhammer] "Yip Yip Ya-Doo!"
Eddy: "Where does wood grow?" [Jonny and Plank appear behind him.]
Jonny: "Hello, Eddy."
Eddy: "Not now, Jonny, I'm thinking."
Jonny: [tapping Eddy with Plank] "About the tree?"
Eddy: "Cut it out, Plank." [He tosses Plank away. As Jonny screams] "Plank! Wood!"
[Plank comes down on Ed's head. Plank knocks Ed off of the jackhammer.]
Ed: "Who's there?" [Jonny and Eddy race to get to Plank. Eddy reaches Plank first.]
Eddy: [holding up Plank] "Plank would make a great clubhouse."
Edd: "Eddy, we would require much more lumber–"
Eddy: "Details details." [turning to Jonny] "What do you think, Jonny boy?"
Jonny: [sweating] "No! Give him back!"
Eddy: "Know where we could find more wood, Jonny boy?"
Jonny: "Plank knows! He sees things."
Plank:


[Jonny leads them to a trash can. He points at it.]
Jonny: "There!"
[Eddy plucks out a popsicle stick.]
Eddy: "A dirty popsicle stick?"
Ed: [grabbing it] "Got it, Eddy!"
Eddy: [marching up to Jonny] "We need large pieces of wood, Jonny. Tell Plank to quit fooling around."
Jonny: "Okay okay! He says, follow him!"


[Ed fishes a large piece of wood out of some mud.]
Eddy: "That's perfect! Hold it there, Ed."
[The next scene shows a huge tower of wood on top of Ed's original piece. Ed's arms are quaking from the strain.]
Eddy: "Okay Ed, to the tree!"
Ed: [grunting] "I can't move."
Edd: "Not a problem, Ed." [He grabs a winch and uses it to raise Ed off the ground. Eddy then knocks the winch out of the way and places a skateboard beneath Ed. He pushes Ed, and Ed goes down the street.]
Eddy: "Giddyup!"
Ed: "AAAAAHHH!" [He ends up at the base of the tree.]
Eddy: "Let's go see."
[Ed, who was struggling to keep his balance, falls. The tower lands on top of him. He then crawls out from under the pile.]
Ed: "The maple has landed!"
Eddy: [after sharing a laugh with Edd] "I don't get it. What are you doing, Double D?" [Edd is drawing out plans.]
Edd: "I'm finishing the design on our new clubhouse."
Eddy: "Oh, let me see." [He looks at the plans.] "Okay Ed, up that tree." [Ed looks at the tree in fear.] "Up you go." [Ed turns back to them, horrified.]


[Ed is shimmying his way up the tree's trunk.]
Ed: "I'm scared, Eddy." [The camera zooms out to show him only inches off the ground.]
Edd: "No problem, Ed. Eddy?" [He whispers something in Eddy's ear.]


[Ed is seen with a rope tied around him. The other end is higher up the tree, attached to a winch.]
Ed: "Huh?"
Eddy: "Start cranking, Double D!" [as Ed barely moves] "Harder, Double D!"
Edd: [straining] "I need help."
Eddy: "Okay, here comes Mr. Muscle."
[He joins Edd at the crank. They both strain. Ed, however, is clutching at the ground. The tree bends almost double, until finally the Earth releases Ed's clump of ground.]
Eddy: "Good work, Double D! Good foundation!"
[Ed and his clump of dirt are at the top of the tree. Ironically, the clump is nestled in the branches with him, providing a better foundation for the clubhouse.]
Edd: "I have doubts about its structural integrity."
[On cue, the mound crumbles. It gives way and Ed falls to the ground. The resulting release of energy shoots into the crank, which spirals Edd and Eddy before releasing them into the sky. The whole system breaks.]


[When the dust clears, Edd and Eddy are standing beside a mechanical crank.]
Eddy: "Double D, you're a whiz." [as the crank lifts Ed] "Let's start building."


[The Eds are on top of a large piece of wood–the floor of the building.]
Eddy: "Looking good! Having fun, Ed?"
Ed: "Sure am, Eddy."
Eddy: [noticing that Ed's close to the edge of the platform] "Watch your step, big fella."
Ed: "Sure am, Eddy." [He takes another step and falls off the edge of the building.]
Eddy: [peering down] "Warm up the winch, Double D."


Eddy: [putting a helmet on Ed's head as he goes up] "Put this on, it'll protect your head. From what I don't know."
[On the platform, Edd is ready to begin drilling. Ed is holding a piece of wood in place.]
Edd: "Hold that tight, Ed!"
[He starts the drill. It goes into the center of the board. It spins round and round, whirling Ed's hands and arms into a spiral. Edd comes around and looks at Ed. Ed's arms then work like propellers and spin him backwards, over the edge.]


[Ed is seen going up again, and then hammering a nail in. His helmet is now on his butt.]
Eddy: "Ed, why is your helmet tied to your butt?"
Ed: "For protection."
Eddy: [trying to pull it off] "It's meant for your head."
Ed: "It's my butt."
Eddy: [using a crowbar] "It's not safe!"
Ed: "Eddy! STOP!"
Eddy: "It's not meant–" [The rope holding it on breaks. Both Ed and Eddy tumble off the edge.]


[Ed and Eddy are seen going up together. On the platform, Ed tries to drive a nail into a board. He knocks the nail in and knocks it up. Edd and Eddy are on the other end, and this shoots them up. They land on the board Ed is on, and this catapults him up and over the edge.]
Ed: [lying on the ground] "Yoo hoo!"


[Ed is going up on the winch yet again. On the platform, Eddy is painting a wall; they have apparently managed to erect a clubhouse.]
Eddy: "Painting's fun!"
Edd: "Yes, very liberating."
Eddy: "How ya doin', Ed?"
Ed: "Liberated!" [Ed is tied to a tree limb so he won't fall off.]


[The Eds are on the ground. Eddy is looking at the plans.]
Eddy: [triumphantly] "We're done, boys." [We are allowed to see the finished product: a ramshackle creation which seems to be falling apart.] "Everyone will want to join our club. Now let's round up some suckers–uh–I mean members."


[Kevin is holding a football in a field, about to pass it. He throws a perfect spiral to Rolf. All the kids are in the field with them: Jonny, Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz are hanging out. They see something and begin to laugh. The "something" turns out to be the Eds, dressed in garish vacation clothing.]
Eddy: [drinking from a coconut] "Sure is great to be in this club."
Jimmy: "What club?"
Eddy: "Just the coolest, hippest, and most extremely happening club in the whole stinking world!" [He presses a flier for Club Ed into Jimmy's hand. He then jumps on top of a stack of papers that Ed is holding.] "Hey, take a flier! And join now!"
Kevin: [looking at a flier, disbelieving] "You're gonna have stock car races?"
Eddy: "You betcha."
Kevin: [challenging him] "And just where are you gonna hold yacht races, and how are you gonna pay for all this?"
Eddy: "Hey!" [He leaps off the stack and comes over to Kevin.] "Good question, Kevin. Funding for such high-quality events will become reality. After I collect everybody's membership fees."[His eyes turn into dollar signs.]
Edd: "Actually Eddy, even with membership fees I don't know that–" [slowing down after pulling a dollar sign off Eddy's face] "we...can...afford...to have these events."
Eddy: "Sure we can!"
Jonny: "Plank thinks you'll spend the membership fees on jawbreakers."
Eddy: "Oh, no! At Club Ed, you can trust these faces." [He spins around so that all three Eds are smiling at the kids.]
Kevin: "Betcha don't even have a clubhouse."
Eddy: "Oh? I'll show you a clubhouse." [pointing in its general direction] "To the clubhouse!"


[The kids trample Eddy in a rush to get there. They rush to the clubhouse. The Eds come out in front and display their clubhouse proudly.]
The Eds: "Welcome to Club Ed!"
[The kids are quick to burst out in laughter. The Eds, perturbed, look at them, and then look up, only to scream. While they were gone, somebody took over and painted the clubhouse pink. It is apparent that the Kankers did it, as "Club Kanker" is on a sign in front of the clubhouse.]
Eddy: "OH, NO!"
Ed: "What?"
Edd: "Oh, Eddy, oh, Eddy."
Eddy: "OH, GET OUT OF OUR CLUBHOUSE!"
[The Kankers come out the door and look down.]
Marie: "Come up here and make us."
[A flowerpot hits Eddy on the head and he growls. This is followed shortly by the "Club Ed" sign.]


[Edd and Eddy peek out from behind a pole on which one end of a clothesline is hung.]
Eddy: "Steady the pole, Ed."
Ed: "Got it, Eddy!"
Eddy: [tightrope walking] "Nail 'em in a surprise."
Edd: "I don't like this, Eddy."
Marie: [peeking out the window with the other two Kankers] "Aren't they cute?"
[May grabs hold of the clothesline and turns it, making them go back to the start.]


[The Eds are filling water balloons.]
Eddy: "Shoulda thought of this before!"
[Eddy hurls a water balloon. It has just enough energy to make it to the deck of the treehouse. It plops down in front of the Kankers harmlessly.]
Marie: "I think they're trying to sweet-talk us, girls."
May: [as more water balloons land on the porch] "Sweet nothing, they love us."
Eddy: [as Ed picks up a gigantic water balloon] "Ha ha! They must be soaked! Finish 'em, Ed!"
[Ed throws the water balloon magnificently high. It easily crests the tree and continues skyward. Meanwhile, the Kankers pick up some of the unexploded water balloons.]
Lee: "We love you too, Eds!"
[A water balloon hits Eddy in the face. A second quickly follows and hits Ed. Edd, meanwhile, sidesteps the third. He then proceeds to elude the rest of the deluge. The final balloon hits Eddy in the face.]
Edd: "I think that was the last balloon, Eddy."
Eddy: [trying to claim victory] "You're finished now, Kankers!"
Ed: "Uh oh!"
Edd: "I think I miscounted."
[Ed's gigantic balloon is seen coming down towards the trio at a furious pace. It lands on Eddy, engulfing him like an amoeba. It then pops up and explodes. The velocity of the blast propels Eddy to the side. The Kankers laugh. Eddy, lying in a puddle of water, gets up, enraged. He walks over to the tree and kicks it.]
Eddy: "YEOW! Ed! Give me a boost!" [Ed grabs Eddy's hurt foot and holds it, and Eddy screams. When he lets go, Eddy's pain propels him skyward, where he runs into the clothesline. The clothesline then shoots him down to the ground.]
Ed: [to a very dazed Eddy] "Whoops. Sorry about that, Eddy." [He throws Eddy through the floor of Club Kanker.]
Edd: [suitably impressed] "Nice shot, Ed!"
Lee: [staring at Eddy] "What; no flowers?" [The Kankers proceed to beat Eddy up and send him flying through the roof.]
Lee: "Nice shot, May."
Eddy: [sailing away] "AWOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!" [He lands.]


[The Eds come upon some pricker bushes.]
Ed: "Eddy?"
Edd: "He fell in this direction. Eddy, where are you?" [He spots Eddy's hand, sticking up from a bush.] "He looks unconscious."
Ed: [pulling Eddy from the bush] "He don't look too good, Double D." [He drags Eddy from the grove.] "Uh, wake up Eddy!" [shaking him] "Stop being unconscious now." [He slaps Eddy.]
Eddy: "Ed!" [gets slapped] "Ed! I'm awake!" [Ed slaps him one more time.]


Eddy: [as Edd plucks plant life from his skin] "Y'know, it was pretty cool flying through the air. If we could build a catapult, we could shoot people out of it for money!" [Edd plucks a pricker.] "Ow!"
Edd: "Hold still!"
[Ed laughs, and Eddy growls.]

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide

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